Friday, December 20, 2013

i want you to see this

This is something I want you to see.

That's probably not actually a thing, but this is the ghost shark off which it was based for the upcoming Hollywood blockbuster, SHARK ELEPHANTITIS.

I don't know, I find this little dude pretty scary.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013


Forget what you heard about Glenn Danzig being a washed up turd.

Because in his prime, there wasn't a harder rocker.

Ever been to a strip club? If some filthy skank gonna grind on me, I need to have this anthem playing.

Feel the slow burn of She Rides, as she rides, heh, yafeelmeh? Lol @ that mediocre ass shaking it in an unsexy manner to kick off the video. Almost drained the PUMP right out of the JAM. BUT NOT QUITE.

Sometimes you gotta PUMP it down to PUMP it up, namean? Mr. Danzig hain't afraid to showcase the pipes. Or the guns.

You know, just between you and I, I was torn between this jam and Sistinas. Two great, slower Danzig tunes putting his vocals on full display. Go ahead, click that hyperlinked embedded link that I magically hyperlinked to be embedded in the word "Sistinas" and do yoseff a favor and get maximum enjoyment and PUMP out of this here #DANZIGPUMP.

I remember like it was yesterday - I ordered the two CD set, the Lost Tracks of Danzig. And while there were quite a few stinkers on the two discs, the first disc kicks off with the following jam. And I can't think of a PUMPIER way to get the festivities STARTED.


One more DANZIGPUMP: I own the actual VHS! Thanks Heckyeahwoman!



Tuesday, December 17, 2013

i'm not hitler, i swear

The other day at work, somebody compared me to Hitler. Somehow me voicing my desire to not have junkies in my backyard equates me with being a genocidal maniac (context: a co-worker noted an uptick in heroin usage in a neighboring city, and the possibility of a drug that could counteract heroin overdoses. I merely asked if such people that required said drug would be worth saving).

OK, there may have been other things, like my belief that the world is overpopulated, and that I should be in charge of trimming down the world citizenry (latter half kind of in jest). So yeah, I can kinda see how that is Hitler-esque.

Then I just read this ints little article that presents a positive turn in the quest to lower murders in Chicago. Note that "positive turn" denotes the amount of murders being lowered.

Basically, much in the same way marketers and companies track your purchasing habits, this Chicago police chief is tracking gang activity and criminal habits. His data and science driven approach is saving lives by seeing gang members not as predators OR prey, but as both at the same time. Apparently this puts the focus not on arrests, but on saving lives, regardless.

Naturally, there are stop and frisk aspects involved in the decline. I don't know, I' fancy myself a bit Libertarian, and I feel like SaF isn't the worst thing in the world. Then again, I'm a pretty chilled out dude with not a whole lot to hide from the po and if a cop really thought I was worth a frisk, yeah, go ahead, but don't tickle my sack tho.

Assuming that the violence and murder rarely spills out of a certain area of the city, and it sounds like there are certain areas that house most of the crime, I think I'd be OK with that demographic shooting the shit out of each other.

I'm not sure what kind of resources should be applied to segments of the population that have no regard for human life, or any desire to not commit crimes.

Much like my views on abortion (they should be mandatory and much more common), I believe in implementing a Compelled Crime program, where I take unsavory groups of people, re-populate them in a biodome-like structure and feed them all the guns, drugs, and fast food they can handle.

Naturally, this would be filmed and broadcast. But here's the catch: because I am (kind of) against human suffering for monetary profit, I would put it on antenna broadcast, free of commercials, free of interruption. Tell me the idea of a bunch of uneducated, overweight, poor people fighting and killing each other wouldn't be awesome.

I have actually proposed a similar idea to various animal rights groups, but failed to gain traction.

Wait, kinda sounds like a more dystopian Hunger Games. Anybody see Catching Fire?

Friday, December 13, 2013

everything is sexist

Holy crap, I was doing my daily morning scan of and came across another lolworthy post in their lolworthy series of interviews, Rad Women Who Make Rad Art. This one happens to be numero cinco in the series.

Couple things of note here: women are awesome. In fact, I know one in particular that is way more than awesome. Women are as strong, funny, intelligent, capable, creative, whatever, as men.

Anyways, punknews has a kind of running theme about how women in punk, and to a lesser extent, the mainstream, are always victims, how they’re always struggling. How it’s so much easier for women with big tits and plastic faces and skinny bodies to succeed.

No shit! Have something that somebody else finds of value, and you can make money and become a commodity!

“Oh, but women aren’t a commodity!”, you say.

Oh but they are.

Men are too! If a woman possesses any of the above-mentioned qualities and is willing to whore herself out - BOOM, commoditized. And the problem certainly isn’t women, it’s our culture where a cheap thrill is valued more than anything of substance. Dudes, food, clothes/fashion, cars, everything has been chinsed out and raped.

So to be a whiny woman crying about being marginalized because of gender, nah, you’re sometimes marginalized because of licentiousness pervading American culture. And unfortunately that seeps down into sub- and counter-cultures, like punk.

And most of the time you’re not even marginalized - you’re not able to be marginalized - because you’re ugly, not creative, and have nothing of value to offer anybody. And that’s not because you’re a wom’n; it’s because as an individual, you fucking suck.

Sorry about the rant, I did just want to comment on one of the excerpts from the interview, peep my thoughts in bold.

Q: There is a good deal of conversation about whether it is difficult for women to exist in the music community. Do you think that it is easier, harder or the same to be a woman in the visual arts? Why?

A: I think it's harder, but then again, if you're skinny and rich and have some conventional asset to the industry's market, then I feel like you can either be unproductive and famous like Taylor Swift (Unproductive? I don’t think that would be right for Taylor Swift. Sure she may be producing what equates to shit, but she’s producing it at a pretty high rate) , or attempt using your voice to empower young girls and queers, like, say, Beyonce (If you find empowerment in cheap, vague, un-anthems littered with hip hop culture, then that sounds like you have a problem picking out genuine, novel art. Nothing Beyonce has done hasn’t been done before, better. She’s pretty, she can sing, and she can do a pretty spot on Incredible Hulk impression, but there is nothing new about her at all). Although, shit, I'm sure Beyonce has had to deal with some bullshit. (Why, because she’s black? Because every black person takes some bullshit? Assuming things like this automatically attributes her as a victim, when in reality, she’s far from it. We all deal with unfair bullshit in everyday life, on varying scales, some more than others, and you know what, most of the time it stems from pure stupidity - racist, sexist, or otherwise. But to have any sympathy for her at all, when there are people and animals out there suffering much more furiously, is, well, really fucking stupid.)

Despite that, in a smaller scale, I don't think women are taken seriously. I think we have to prove our worth in completely unfortunate or tiring ways to be taken seriously. I also think that at least in punk, it’s becoming clear that sexist behavior is such a joke. I don't have any sympathy or understanding for either straight up sexist behavior, like, remember that time Ben Weasel punched a woman (Nobody should be punching anybody; fighting is stupid, but I think Ben Weasel punching a woman is about as unsexist an act as there is. I think it’s fair to say he didn’t punch her because he hates women. Ben Weasel is a known asshole, but I’m not aware of any misogynistic views previously expressed. He punched her because he thought she was going to keep attacking him. As horrible as it is, equal rights means equal fights. Being a woman doesn’t provide license to physically attack dudes at will. And FYI - I think Hooters and strip clubs are stupid.) and people chose sides as if that was actually justifiable? (Really, in self-defense, punching somebody is sometimes actually justifiable, whether he punched her in self-defense is up for debate, not that he hates women.) Or straight up sexist business, like the way that Hellcat Records used to only have one "girl-fronted" band at a time, like if gender is a genre of music (So, did this really happen, or is this just hearsay? My money is on the latter. Also, not sure if Hellcat Records is a not-for-profit feminist organization or a record label being run for profit. Her insinuation that a record label should be compelled to sign bands based on gender is scary).

I can't imagine a DIY punk show with only white guys fronting bands and identifying as a "revolution." I have, however, seen a lot of labels and events exploring music by women and queers and acknowledging the power in our voice, because, fuck, our voices, when expressing anger, are genuinely cast aside by the mainstream (clearly she is not familiar with mainstream pop radio. Your voice is not cast aside because you’re an angry female, it’s cast aside because you’re probably dropping f-bombs every other word and it sounds tacky). And at the end of the day isn't giving power to silenced demographics what punk is all about? (That’s the beauty of punk - it can be whatever you want it to be)

Since I exist as a musician in punk, I can’t say much for the world outside of that. I’m not dedicated to revolutionizing the music industry that's already based on sexist and classist morals (Automatically identifying with the “underdog” and blindly despising “the rich” sounds pretty classist to me). I'm concerned with maintaining the spirit of punk that made it a haven for angry girls and angry queers and, fuck, angry straight guys who experience some kind of disenfranchisement and maybe have tough as nail mothers and a basic respect for women (Sounds like the problem is not sexism, rather, women like this flying the disenfranchisement flag, and having a sense of entitlement that screams, ‘look at me! I dress punk! I make art! I make music! It’s good!” No, it’s not automatically good. In fact, it’s automatically shitty until somebody finds enjoyment out of whatever it is you create. The problem is that art in general is oversaturated with shit. Every asshole thinks they’re creative - my blog is absolute proof of that. Flying that disenfranchisement flag doesn’t make what you create automatically valid). You know? I definitely own the complete Mr. T Experience discography, and I love an apolitical pop-punk song as much as the next guy (the next what!?), but, come on! Punk is about expressing a message to the disenfranchised, not really about selling your product (that’s cute, but shit ain’t free, dawg. Gotta make money to produce and spread the message, doing it in the most ethical way, that’s the punk way.). If your message blows up, then more power to you. I feel proud when bands like Against Me! and The Gossip, who I used to see in stank basements for years, now get the recognition they deserve for the work they've done.

Last thing, maybe the roads were shitty on the way to work, maybe your alarm didn't go off, whatever, go out today, say something nice to somebody, do something nice, however small. 

*Note here again, that yeah, sexist things happen all the time. Women get shit on for being female, and that sucks. We all get shit on for various reasons beyond our control. But that will never change. It can get better, but it will never change, for one simple reason: assholes will always exist. You can’t have fair without unfair, and the scary part is when people start deciding what fair is. But that’s another convo for another time.

**UPDATE: in an unexpected twist, punknews just posted the next interview in the series. When given a soapbox on which to soap or box, literally handed to her on a silver platter, Ms. Osborne went all reasonable and awesome. True story, when asked about the difficulties women face in music and art, she answers, "I think being a human on the planet is pretty hard sometimes".

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

best albums of 2013 - a definitive and comprehensive list

Wow so 2013 kinda came and went.

Lucky for you, we will document the best albums of the year. **SPOILER ALERT** Kanye West is not on this list, as he is the sole reason racism still exists in 2013. Also not found here: indie garbage, Deafheaven's new one, and Daft Punk.

That said, there were only a couple new albums that I listened to this year. Here are the ones I enjoyed most, in no particular order:

Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City

Probably the most wife-friendly set of jams here, which should auto-jump it right towards the top of my list. 2013 sees Vampire Weekend mostly leaving behind the Afro-whatever influences found on previous albums. Worry not though, pretentious shitheads, they fill that void with awesome. Frontman Ezra Koenig or whatever his last name is definitely upped the lyric-game ante with pop culture and historical references that are way over my head. Why should you give this album a chance? Listen to the above song and not love it. Now imagine a full album that awesome. Found this for like $16 on vinyl, heck yeah. In Manhattan or Brooklyn, can't remember, but just know that I was gettin' my urban on in a big city.

Drug Church - Paul Walker

OK, this is my album of the year. Take an awesome album, add a now hilariouser/awesomer album title, and BOOM, best set of jams of the year. I hear 90's hardcore, 90's post-hardcore, 90's punk, 90's pop-punk, 90's awesome, everything. You wouldn't think that a dude yelling about how miserable things are for other people, and himself, would be this enjoyable, but it is. Catchy, awesome lyrics, awesome everything. Even my Pearl Jam dick-rider friend enjoyed this when I played it for him. Had a choice of vinyl or CD, chose the latter because I was out of town, and the immediate playback quality my vehicle offered was too much to trump. Besides, Heckyeahwoman ain't want this spinnin' on the living room turntable.

Self Defense Family - The Corrections Office in Me

Admittedly, I am a Patrick Kindlon fanboy (See above Drug Church jocking), if such a thing exists. From his interviews, to his albums, to maybe even his comics, everything this dude touches turns to gold. Except for probably women. Despite the fact that no End of a Year (former name) or Self Defense Family release sounds the same, I will enjoy anything they put out. Generally classified as "punk" or "DC style punk" or whatever, tight music, clever songwriting. And new album coming out in January! Digital streaming this three songer, will probably purchase when I pre-order the new SDF record.

The Bronx - IV

First they released the single, Ribcage, then they released Youth Wasted. Stupid catchy, if not radio-friendly punk rock, with emphasis on the rock. Not a stinker on this album. Matt Caughthran's vocals are so good, dude has got some chops. OK, and the band is pretty good at putting together a shitload of hooks and calling them songs, well-written songs. I own this album on CD and I don't regret it.

Woe - Withdrawal

After releasing Quietly, Undramatically in 2010, when Withdrawal was released, I was all like, 'how they gon' top that one?". Then they did. Not a fan of black metal really, but I do infrequently indulge, and if more bands were guilty of Withdrawal-level quality, I'd be the KVLTest dude around. Hear the seething rage in front man Chris Griggs' vocals; hear his desperation. But beyond the depraved emotion, dude brings in classic rock (?! OK, in one song) and punk rock influences to seamlessly meld with the intensely American black metal. Only bummer is that sometimes the vocals seem a little low in the mix, but their last album required a remix, so it's not a total surprise. Also of note is that I purchased this album digitally - much more immediate than ordering a CD, and way more accessible than having to never listen to the vinyl.

Volcano Choir - Repave

Chalk this one up to my wife - she loves this album, she plays the album a lot, I overhear it, I start to like it, we see them live, album is reinforced as being awesome, album makes my year end list. Think: Bon Iver gone manly (well, maybe gone male hipster that just got into ironic metal), Bon Iver gone Isis, Bon Iver gone electric. Think whatever you want, but just know this ish good. We don't yet own any copy of this album, just constantly revisited it through online streaming. Spoiler alert: I'll probably buy the vinyl for Heckyeahwoman for Xmas.

Surprising stuff I didn't even listen to:
Terror - Live by the Code - Dude, I'm still jamming Keepers of the Faith, how you trying to put out another album full of presumably hard ass songs of redemption, perseverance, working hard, being true, and other hardcore platitudes?
Integrity - Suicide Black Snake - Hard to get pumped about a new Integrity album with their entire back catalog being so awesome. New song I heard was awesome though.
Autopsy - The Headless Ritual - I think I gave one listen and didn't enjoy furiously, love Mental Funeral and Severed Survival. It got great reviews, I guess.
Carcass - Surgical Steel - The few listens I gave this were good. But I don't feel I spent enough time with it to actually include on the list.
*Dillinger Escape Plan - One of us is the Killer - Total stumper why I haven't listened to this. Option Paralysis was awesome, as were all releases prior. Huge blunder on my part. Been streaming this nonstop since I started this post. Crucial jams that should be towards the top of your year end list.
Gorguts - Colored Sands - Same thing as with the new Carcass, just not enough time.

From last year - had I done a year end list for 2012, these two would probably have been on it.
Strife - Witness a Rebirth - two minute hardcore anthems, classic yet modern Strife is back!
Maroon 5 - Overexposed - more like overproduced. You go from Hands All Over to this? Child please. Best songs on the new one are the bonus songs, one of which is a cover of Prince's Kiss.

So what did we learn here? I'm too old to give much of a shit about new music.

*This album is fucking awesome. I initially had it in the Surprising stuff section, but while writing this, listened furiously, and realize now that it belongs in my Best of 2013 section. Due to laziness, the band's entry here remains in the Surprising stuff section.

Friday, December 6, 2013

science and stuff

I'm married to a scientist and I think it's been pretty furiously established that she is way smarter than I. And now, however begrudgingly, I admit that she's better looking than me too. BUT NOT MORE RIPPED. And I definitely have nicer bikes than she does and more guitars than her and I can do a shitload more pull-ups than she can.

Anyway, she's a scientist, and I swear I've heard her mention something about sample sizes and graphs and science and stuff.

This blogger, not me, but the one in the first link, has a slight habit of hating facts and submitting to the limited worldview of which many truth-hating liberals subscribe. Note that he is often a source of awesome blog posts too. But his recent post, with its cute little graph (below), combined with this laugher, have a synergy that really tripped my trigger.

At first glance, that may be quite disturbing - OMG look at that sick downward trend! Notice that in 1979, we were just above a 7, and 2013 appears to be wrapping up just below a 6. And oh jeez, 2012 was just below a 4 and we're now up almost 2 whole units, since then!

Kudos to him though for caveat'ing it with the note that the horizontal scale doesn't go to the beginning of time. It's like homeboy knew exactly the demographic of climatards that would get their rocks off with an alarming graphic like this, and wanted to cool their jets (no pun intended haha, energy wasting hypocrite fucks).

Funny, cause a good pal-o-mine posted this seriously non-ironic piece from the ever-fair-and-balanced HuffPo. I think we can all agree that if we lived in a truly mathematically literate world, super-bullshit-biased businesses like HuffPo, Salon, Slate, Fox, other neocon-d-sucking sites I don't even know about, and the remaining shit-peddlers wouldn't even need to exist.

Obviously there is indeed something going on with the climate - it's changing. Note that I'm not an expert on climate change, or anything really outside the realm of "nonstop chilling", but it sounds like once you take politicians and idiots out of the conversation, there is no consensus on the actual causes.

Sidenote here, and a great way to kick off your weekend with a PUMP!, but this link gets me all kinds of PUMPED UP. I can't believe this hasn't happened already!

Friday, November 22, 2013

this was superLOL

Throughout history, women have been mistreated, and unfortunately many times they still are. It's 2013, and if you're mistreating a woman for being a woman, you're probably also still running around calling people faggots, and you are scum and there's really no reason for you to be alive.

Before this turns into a celebration of women (or of anything, because celebrations and fun both suck) - because I refuse to celebrate anything that is not a handsome white male or our ridiculously adorable son, Orange Guy, and maybe a few other things - let's get into the impetus for this well-worded post:

A straight-up LOL article. An articLOLe?

The gist of the article can be summarized in probably the most alarming and scary line found just a couple paragraphs deep:

"There are certain words that are applied to women specifically in order to manipulate them into compliance: "Slut", "Bitch", "Ugly/Fat" and of course, "Crazy".

I think I've used all of those terms, at some point in my life, to refer to a woman. I know that I've never used it to "manipulate them into compliance", though. Let's take a quick run through of each, and look at the male equivalent. Then, if we have time, we can discuss why the double standard exists. **spoiler alert: we probably won't have time**

Slut - certainly heard men referred to as sluts, man-whores, he-whores, dirty dicks, all terms that refer to promiscuity. Don't want to be called a slut? Don't act like one! You're not a slut, but some idiot at a bar called you one? Surely you've called a dude an unflattering something

Bitch - the male equivalent might be asshole or douchebag. In the late 90's and early aughts, it may have been tool. Just seems that the female equivalent here has really stuck. Thanks for that, hip-hop culture!

Ugly/Fat - first thing that comes to mind is derogatory names for dudes with small peckers. I don't love the idea of mocking people for physical qualities, but I do have a special place of disgust in my heart for fat people. Never joked with your friends about an ex's or a fling's johnson? Oh you haven't? Get real.

Crazy - I know a thing or two about crazy. By seeing crazy up close and personal, and knowing what to avoid - that's how I managed to marry a totally awesome and amazing woman. But what would I know about crazy broads? Well, I did happen to spend five years of my high-school and early college life with a woman some friends kindly referred to as "psycho".

Clearly I was the asshole misogynist and should have learned to look past her superficial faults. Superficial faults such as the time she tried to run me over, or the times she told me she was pregnant and extorted abortion money from me. Note that I was able to look past the blumpkin, obviously. But all clear red flags. So due to the stalking, harassing, and insanity I experienced in that relationship, I believe I know a thing or two about crazy.

When I refer to a broad as crazy, it's probably because she is. On the same token, when a broad calls me a "small-donged, abusive, douchebag freak", it's probably because I definitely am.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


If you know anything about me at all, you probably know that I love being PUMPED UP and that I enjoy getting PUMPED UP when Mariachi el Bronx magically plays PUMPTUNES through the PUMPRADIO.

Oh hey look, they have a nice slow little jam that gets me AMPED:

Yeah, that was kinda slow and sad and unPUMPY. :(

boo fucking hoo

Still a good ass song, jerks. How about a little humor to PUMP you up? We got about 30 minutes of funny crammed into a quick eight minutes. Don't know much about this Gorburger thing, but I do know that it is indeed ROFL-worthy.

What happens when an awesome punk band gets bored with punk and decides to play acoustic shows, but then before they can even play an acoustic show, they think that's dumb and instead play mariachi jams?

Mariachi el Bronx is what happens!

And the results are POSITIVELY PUMPY!

A couple albums in, great reviews, a wake of sold-out and overPUMPED shows in their wake, yeah I think the mariachi version is more popular and successful than their day-job band, The Bronx.

And then these dudes went on Letterman and totally killed it!

Chances are that you're a turd and will never kill it on Letterman. Or the Gorburger show. Or on a full length album or two full of awesome mariachi jams.

But don't let that derail the PUMP. Don't let anything ever stop the PUMP. Lower your expectations and get PUMPED about that mediocrity in which you revel.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

we are all the same, unless

Real quick, this article breaks the US into eleven different "nations" based on highly cherry-picked data, grandstanding, and stereotypes.

Here's his map:

Courtesy Tufts Magazine

The author of this insane blog post about the article keeps on the stereotypes-train. Normally I'm cool with that, because, uh, stereotypes aren't just invented out of thin air. And they're an easy way to dismiss the asshole that just walked by you on the street as less than a person.

Yeah, they're efficient.

But it's like the dude did a quick scan of the article, saw some political talking points (of which there were many), and went about demonstrating a startling lack of a grasp on evolution, anthropology, sociology, and all those other big words that describe the (sometimes very soft) science of people.

Basically he's saying it's OK to segregate, separate, and subtly disparage groups of people as long as it's Southerners and whites. The post doesn't say that? Maybe you can't read between the lines. Or maybe you didn't finish the it.

At the end he preaches about gun control and violent deaths, then equates owning guns with valuing self-sufficiency, independence, and being skeptical of the governmental nanny-state. I don't know what the word for that logical fallacy is, but it appears kinda like he is talking about those with Libertarian views, as kind of crazy and prone to violence. Thing is, crazy and violence are two things Libertarians are against. And have been, vocally, and kinda built their entire platform around.

A bit of a deeper look from Salon (lol) shows that Libertarians are (even) whiter (and richer) than GOPers! Oh Salon, your white-people hating, rich-people hating, anybody that dare disagree with the messiah-hating, and fact-hating is just so cute! Very scary how the garbage peddled there gets pawned off as truth - 'nother story for 'nother time.

Equally scary is the original article and the very selective data and highly dubious wording.

Possibly instead of "Salonning" Libertarians and whites, the "author" could dig a little bit deeper into the harsh and inhuman causes of horrible things like self-sufficiency, independence, and skepticism. Maybe even honestly look at violent crime statistics.

Unfortunately, that would involve ugly things like statistics, facts, and honesty. It would involve truth.


Because there's the actual violent crime statistics, that have been excused, passed off, pardoned, and absolved for reasons still not fully understood. Like, if you're going to talk about violent crime and the victims, one would think it would make sense to talk about the perpetrators.

Nah, not here!

The takeaway here from the original article and blog post: white, southern Libertarians are bad, violent, crazy people and they only believe that violence is the answer to everything.

For the record, I'm a white, northern Libertarian, that has lived in the south, and I think violence is stupid. I think self-sufficiency, independence, and skepticism are cool.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


Didn't even mean to get so PUMPED today.

But then I got an IM at work. For those of us in the unknow - an IM is an INSTANT MESSAGE. #Technology

The long and short of it is, this lady at work heard a certain song on her drive in. An earworm. And she shared the glorious news with me, the Bringer of the PUMP.

What song was it?

Here's a clue...and it's a real PUMPER. A tune so PUMPY and so catchy that you will be forced to sing along in a PUMPY manner.

Oh, that's so 2012? Too GODPUMP BAD, MOTHERPUMPER.

It's cold out, and in a couple hours, it won't be. We are fighting winter here, and we're winning. If that's not reason to get PUMPED, then I don't know what is.

And cause I'm in a PUMPY MOOD right meow, here are some more untapped PUMPJAMS, PUMPGEMS, to get you through the rest of this week.

Oh you think I'm nuts cause I went from Carly Rae Jepson to Rancid? Well my friend, that PUMP can be elusive, and we're not one to discriminate here. (Haha actually we are), but when it comes to the PUMP, and getting PUMPED UP, we have to be open minded. BUT THOSE ARE THE ONLY TIMES YOLO

Let me ask you this: are you here to pass the time, or are you here to kick the shit out of the rest of the week and have the best weekend ever?

If it's the former, please reread, rewatch, and relisten to the above PUMPMATERIAL. If the latter, PUMP YEAH and PUMP ON, friendo.

Friday, November 8, 2013

martin vs incognito, round 2

Wow, need to do a little follow up here, not as the story surrounding this bizarre situation gets weirder (which I'm sure it will), but as some of the coverage gets weirder.

Spoiler alert: espnW, their women-centric coverage site, has an opinion piece on the events transpiring in Miami and how it relates to masculinity. Two writers, Jemele Hill, a well-known and confirmed bullshit peddler and Katie Fagan, unconfirmed as a bullshit peddler but guilty by association, discuss what makes a "real man" in sports.

In the article, NFL masculinity is rightfully excoriated for the mindset that having even the slightest ounce of vulnerability is weak. They go through a couple unfortunate incidents ranging from gay-slurs to sexual assault, all reprehensible. There is no question that professional sports has taken the idea of masculinity to another level, even pushing it to something no longer recognizable as masculinity.

The problem starts when they pontificate about a couple NFL players suggesting Martin should have taken a stand for himself, that he's not a kid anymore. They then make the reach that standing up for yourself automatically means engaging in physical combat with the aggressor.

Noooo, that's a bit of a stretch. With the popularity of (childhood) bullying in the news, the idea of a violent clash between a David and a Goliath is the image that immediately springs to the minds of most people. Not always the case, as here we have two 300 pound offensive lineman as the main parties involved. Two physical Goliaths, or more likely, two mental Davids.

Further, equating childhood bullying with adult "bullying", is wrong; there are many differences. While it could be argued that many NFLers have a limited worldview, the same can certainly be said for children; that a limited worldview could present the idea of standing up for oneself in a narrower scope of options (arguing or fighting).

To a rational adult, standing up for oneself could mean telling the dude to chill, it could mean just not giving him the satisfaction of getting a reaction, it could (and should) mean a lot of things that don't include physical violence.

Even on the radio the other day, some asshole at Yahoo!, Steve Z-something, was taking about how standing up for yourself is the worst thing ever, then proceeded to give that David and Goliath scenario. Sorry, dipshit, but I was bullied in school, and it was some turd about my size - OK, maybe fatter - and it wasn't a life or death beatdown sitch; it was constant shit-talking with a slight hint of middle school push-fighting.

Only I made the mistake of telling my parents, who told his parents, which made things worse.

Do I regret not trying to kick his ass? Yeah I guess. But that's the thing with kids - they're young and lack life experience. In my 8th grade mind, the only options were fighting, taking more bullying, or telling my parents. Oddly, when high school happened, the bully disappeared. I hope he's dead.

Kind of got off track there, but at the conclusion, they refer to Jonathan Martin as a real man because he "refused to perpetuate the toxic brand of masculinity". I guess, yeah, he kind of did that, but it appears he did it in a cowardly, inefficient fashion. As an adult, just walking away from your job, your problems, your whatever, that doesn't fix anything. In this case it drew more attention to a national pseudo-epidemic, but that's about it.

I'm 32 years old now, and yeah, when I was a dumbass high schoooler and college kid, I thought fighting and talking shit was cool. I thought it was cool having people intimidated by me because I lifted weights or because I was into boxing. (if anybody out there actually was intimidated by me, you're in a very lonely, group)

Newsflash, in the real world none of that shit is cool. It was a necessary part of growing up, but I grew out of it. Now, fighting, calling somebody a faggot, or not reasonably standing up for myself are all repulsive. (even though I totally do all that on the regular, high five, bro!)

Note here that while Martin could have acted in a more mature manner, Incognito is certainly no angel - he's a scumbag and acted completely unacceptably. Last, and this is something we glazed over in yesterday's editorial opinion front page piece: Jonathan Martin left the team to get mental help, however briefly he sought it. In his mind, he was suffering emotional distress and that can be a real thing. He should not be ridiculed for it.

BONUS! Here is a definitive guide to being a real man:
- do manly things
- be a man
- act manly
- talk about men with other men
- listen to other men talk about men doing manly things with other men, while in the company of men that are acting manly

Thursday, November 7, 2013

martin vs incognito

By now you're all probably aware of the situation with the Miami Dolphins and their two offensive (no pun intended) lineman. If not, here's a google link to clue you in.

And if still not, here goes the cliff notes version of the story: Jonathan Martin is/was a second year offensive lineman, on the Dolphins; Richie Incognito was a veteran offensive lineman with a history of getting kicked off teams for bad behavior. As the story goes, Martin left the team, on his own volition, due to Incognito's bullying. Story hits the media, a bunch of other details come out, most notably racist text messages and voice mails left on Martin's phone, from Incognito. Finally, well, not finally, but as of right now, the Dolphins locker room seems to back Incognito.

Wait, wow, a couple things here: yes, you read that right, a grown man got bullied. Story just keeps getting weirder and weirder. First, a grown man got bullied and left the team like a chump. That's kinda strange...then it comes out that Incognito is in full-on, constant asshole-mode all day, erry day.

OK, maybe Martin isn't THAT big of a pussy. A couple days with not a whole lot of news, then BAM! the racist text messages and voice mails bomb drops, and in it, a whole lot of profanity and n-bombs!

So this overweight asshole white dude is calling an overweight crybaby black dude that which he should not be called. You'd think that would be wholly unacceptable.

But yeah, the locker room is defending Incognito.


Something else has to be going on, because back in the summer, Riley Cooper dropped some n-bomb action and his teammates weren't so quick to his defense. On the surface, this might appear that calling a nonwhite the n-word might be OK depending on the context, but I fail to see the context in which I, a ridiculously handsome white dude with pretty well defined muscles, could get away with doing such a thing.

Teammates of both players, when talking to the media, had the option of silence, but instead chose defending Incognito. It's quite telling of the locker room culture, rather, telling that there is a locker room culture that casual sports fans, and maybe even die-hard sports reporters may not understand.

It will be interesting to see where all the obvious talking points - alpha-males, lack of leadership, racism, blah blah - all fit in to this overall narrative. And is this common across the NFL, or is it specific to just a few teams with the right mix of locker room ingredients? I don't see an Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, or Peyton Manning-led team falling victim to this kind of crap.

Finally, the Dophins play the Bucs this week, and for Christ's sake I hope the Bucs QB throws to WR Vincent Jackson all goddamn day for a million fantasy points.

Friday, November 1, 2013

blurred lines

Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" was on the radio this summer almost nonstop. Now it's coming under fire for it's lyrics, which apparently promote a rape culture. Seriously, check them results.

Basically, in reality-speak, feminist subhumans are literally making stuff up. I hope every rapist dies slowly. In fact, I hope every anybody ever dies slowly, though that's neither here nor there.

You probably know the song, so I'm not going to waste time dissecting any lyrics. In fact, the only reason I was spurred to make this post is because while reading this article, by accident, I was prompted to dig deeper into my subconscious. You know, that little part of your mind that only exists in white men.

That little part of your mind that implores every white dude ever to rape every chick ever, all the time, for all time. And then yell racist slurs before, during, and after.

That little part of your mind.

Having heard the song, and I guess it's kinda catchy, I never paid much attention to the lyrics though. UNTIL NOW.

A quick read-a-roo exposes not a chick-raping anthem, instead a typical pop-song chock full of gross abominations of the English language. This is the garbage that our kids are singing along to. This is how we are teaching our children to communicate.

From straight jive-talking to full-on sexually charged illiteracy, a catchy tune apparently trumps thoughtful word-smithery.

Whether you're a feminist maker of stuff up, or just hate the vapid licentiousness that permeates what is popular: in the words of "the kids" these days, Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" is totes horbes.

Anyway, here's the video.

And if you're so inclined, here's a nice song, written by one of my favorite bands. David Moore, the singer, is among my favorite songwriters.


Monday, October 28, 2013

volcano choir show review, for real

We went and saw Volcano Choir and it was awesome. Yep, the local rock star did a concert at his alma mater, in a campus auditorium (University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire). I believe it was the first of two nights there.

The opening band, Adelyn Rose, appear'd on stage and my first thought was, "holy fuck these hipster looking pieces of shit are going to suck". And then the music started. And my initial judgement was right on. But then something funny happened: they ceased to suck as I was drawn in by the lead singer's vocals.

And the shitty sound didn't help their cause, because the style struck me as an almost shoegazey indie rock by way of the new wave of pseudo bluegrass bullshit being peddled by assholes. It can be so hard to nail a band's style when you're first seeing them live. Anyway, overall, I enjoyed them, when I know I shouldn't have.

The hard scheduled 30 minute intermission followed Adelyn Rose, during which the lights came on and the elderly couple seated in front of us busted out a newspaper to kill time. Srsly, they came prepared. Prepared to rock, then prepared to read, then prepared to rock again. Also noteworthy was the higher amount of older folks in attendance.

Sure as shit, half an hour later, out comes Volcano Choir. Aside from some awkward dancing from frontman Justin Vernon, the set was awesome. Kind of odd/cool was the podium setup the he used. It appeared he was flipping through pages on the podium, as he sang, not sure what was going on there.  Also at a couple points he was wearing headphones.

The sound was great and the band seemed PUMPED to be there. The guitarist in particular, when introducing a song or making color commentary, always had a huge smile on his face, and came across as genuinely excited. His hair was either platinum blonde or grey, and from our distant (but sick) balcony seats, he appeared to be older than the rest of the band. Also, he looked like Julian Assange. None of that had any impact whatsoever on my enjoyment of the show.

Admittedly I am not familiar with their two-album catalog, but they played the hits that Heckyeahwoman wanted to hear, and I did recognize a few from her streaming the albums. It was cool, their sometimes Isis-meets-jangly-yet-kinda-droney-indie-rock-sound went over really well live. With the better sound quality, relative to the opener, none of the instruments got drowned out in the frequency of others.

I think the pop sensibilities the band employs in their music really keeps the attention of the audience, because let's be honest, if you're not typically into this type of music, it could be a snoozefest. Great vocals, combined with a knack for sneaking in catchy and sometimes repetitive guitar lines, both also play a huge part in that.

Very catchy, very well done, I look forward to picking up some vinyl in the near future. I also look forward to any opportunity to be seen with Heckyeahwoman in public.

I've never seen Bon Iver, and word on the street is that I may never have the chance. But as long as Volcano Choir is around, I can totes live with that. And even if Volcano Choir weren't around, I could still totes live with that.

Friday, October 25, 2013

volcano choir show review

Sorry for the hold up on the review, but last Saturday night we went and saw Volcano Choir. In case you're not a hipster, they are Justin Vernon, of Bon Iver Grammy-fame, and like five other dudes. I believe the band was around prior to Bon Iver and is now his main project.

Well, it looks like there will be another hold up on the show review - expect it next week sometime. While waiting, the following is a brief anecdote from my recent trip to the dentist.

I went to the dentist.

I got my teeth clean'd.

I got fillings.

Notice the "s" in fillings, denoting multiple fillings. Please note that they were "re-fillings" on old cavities from when I was a young punk.

It was as we were wrapping up when the real meat and potatoes of this story occurs. Just as I was getting ready to split, the dental hygienist axed me one, she asked me what type of cologne I was wearing, because I smelled good.

Without missing a beat, my reply: "at my age, just not stinking is the only cologne I ever wear now".

Friday, October 18, 2013

baseball playoffs

We are down to four teams that are completely and wholly uninspiring. Who knows, maybe the excitement of the World Series will change my mind.

Doubt it.

Anyway, here's a quick rundown of the four remaining teams, and why I find it so hard to root for any of them

Boston Red Sox - Possibly the worst fan base in all of sports? Note that they did play furiously in the best division in baseball, so I kinda hope they win. At least so the Rays loss isn't in vain. Keep in mind this is probably the pro sports team I like the least, aside from the NHL teams.

Detroit Tigers - Miguel Cabrera and Justin Verlander. And I hate to see my friends in Michigan cheer for successful Detroit teams.

St. Louis Cardinals - Go back to 04 and sign Larry Walker again, then maybe I'll cheer for you NL Centr'l turd red birds.

Los Angeles Dodgers - Yasiel Puig is a young asshole. I guess I hate the Dodgers the least, but they're about to be eliminated like a world-famous HYM bowel movement.

So yeah, baseball, bros.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


The impending weekend got you down? Not too PUMPED about beautiful fall weather and football?

Well turn that frown upside down, friendo, cause the fine folks at HYM dot org got your back.

Well, the first step, slamming as much freshly brewed, strong as fuck coffee is on you. But after that, we got'chu. Crank up that volume and get yourself into a better place.

Imagine this, your boi, the lead author of HYM, LLC, on the drive home from work yesterday, tired, not feelin' a work out, coming home to an empty house, save for our fuzzy, orange cat-son giving me the usual warm greeting.

Still not feeling the work out, but I gotta do it. Begrudgingly I headed downstairs to trudge through 35 mins of brutality. Then it hit me. I need THE PUMP. 


And it was like the purple unicorn that lives under my (sick screened in) porch answered my thoughts and THIS SONG came on:


Cause I just dropped to the ground and started BANGING OUT PUSH-UPS. But the funny thing there is that I did so many push-ups that I GOT IMMEDIATELY pissed that I wasn't doing any pull-ups.

So I fuckin' got up and started doing pull-ups.

Wow, getting sweaty and angry. Obvi the focus here has been on getting PUMPED and SWOLE and JACKED beyond belief.

But what about my mind?

Well let's just assume that in the above PUMPJAM homeboy is yelling about his mind, but that's just a metaphor for a .357 magnum. So really he's armed with a handgun. Sounds better, sounds PUMPIER.

And besides, all that mind stuff and being smart and philosophical and wise, save that for Heckyeahwoman, she's the brains and beauty of the operation here, I'm just the brawn.



Tuesday, October 15, 2013

damn, who that?

The other day, Heckyeahwoman and I were on a minor road trip, and had to stop to get gas. Pretty standard, hit up the first Kwik Trip we saw. Sadly, we were both so stuffed from the monstrous breakfast we crushed an hour earlier, that there was no way we could fit in a hot dog.

While I was pumping gas so furiously that my brow may or may not have furrowed a bit, something caught my attention, out of the corner of my eye.

Mmmmmmmm who that fine woman wandering her fine way up to the gas station? In fact, the exact question I thought to myself was "oh wow, who is that?"

Took but just a second for me to recognize her as my wife.

Monday, October 14, 2013

amateur writer's hour

Salon has long been known for their limited grasp of understanding the way the world works, coupled with a severely left leaning bias. Add to that a tragically uninformed reader-base, and they have been able to continue to spew what is essentially garbage, to what are essentially garbage consumers. Pretty sweet deal for the head honcho over there.

Then there's the having integrity, character, and looking at yourself in the mirror thing. Though something tells me that's not a dealbreaker over there.

Anyway, I'd be the first to cop to loving to condescend and belittle as many people as possible, even considering my limited intellect. But that's beside the point.

Somehow, I  came across this "piece" at Salon, from Brian Beutler. Basically he says that Republicans missed their chance to capitalize on Obamacare technical hiccups, though he curiously never mentions philosophical or political glitches, to be expected though. But then it gets scary as he plants the seeds of the possibility or in this case, inevitability of (Republican-led) sabotage of the site.

Let's take a look.

First, he rightfully notices Republicans missing a golden opportunity to instill doubt in the Affordable Care Act, with all the technical difficulties. If the government can't even get a website functioning properly, how are they going to mandate and facilitate your healthcare, doctor visits, and brain surgery? Should have been a huge red flag to not just Republicans, but to every American as well.

Predictably, he skips the mainstream media glazing over that part of the implementation challenges. Instead it was reported not as government failure, but as overwhelming support for ACA.

And don't forget, we are treated to a little color commentary in which opinion gets passed off as fact, from Mr. Beutler: "Republicans hate the idea of providing coverage to the uninsured and fear nothing more than the eventual success of the law, this was “good news” on the right."

The next line of obligatory blame for the government shutdown makes this a twofer of fact denial.
Solid journalism, bro.

Another bunch of fluff paragraphs follow, talking about the oncoming hacks and politically motivated attacks, obviously from political foes. Also, love that he includes that the attacks would be unsophisticated, because drowning in idiocy, those who merely question the messiah are akin to cavemen. Actually, Mr. Beutler, it should be cave-people. 

It's sad enough that I gave these idiots page clicks, but there are people that are not only giving them clicks, but thinking to themselves at the conclusion of the "article": "Right on! Fuckin' Republicans suck! Obama bitch!".

Listen (ha, or read), I know good journalism. Not by regularly doing it,  but because I have family members who are legit writers, big time players in the wordsmithery game. And they wouldn't pull these clown moves.

Bottom line: there is absolutely no reason for that article to exist. Much in the same way, Mr. Beutler has no redeeming social value.

Friday, October 11, 2013

buzzfeed politics

Buzzfeed reports that Wall Street is not happy with Republicans.

But read the short article.

My initial take is that if Wall Street is not happy with a certain segment of people, that might mean that certain segment of people could be doing something to hinder Wall Street's ability to make money or have their way. Or dictate financial policy.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I think a lot of people were mad at Wall Street for making a lot of money and having their way over the past 12 or so years. Sorry, my bad, this current administration has nothing to do with Wall Street. Or maybe they do.

At any rate, I've gotta think that pissing off Wall Street would be a good thing. And with the current Republican batting average hovering around 0, I think we should commend them for that.

And you know what else I think? I think that it's a really nice day outside, and I gotta get out there and play volleyball today during lunch.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

who fault this is

The Government dun shut itself down. That is a point with very little contention. Start asking assholes where the blame should be placed, and this is where things get kinda murky.

Yes, if you start asking "assholes" to weight in on political matters, you'll be asking people that believe insane things, like:

- guns are self aware, and often times get up on their own volition and just start killing people, and only the government can stop that from happening.
- the bible has a place in science classes.
- two dudes getting married actually affects our lives in some strange way.
- war is good if a charismatic black dude starts it, but bad if an old white guy does it.
- the government's long track record of failures will somehow help them succeed in the health care industry
- other crazy stuff.

As I've been saying for years, these are the people that have babies, teach our kids at school, drive automobiles on the road next to us. We don't need them weighing in on public policy. But they still do.

Chances are, you're one of them. Yes, most likely YOU should not be voting. Or having babies, or teaching anybody anything, or driving.

Because you are maybe somewhat intelligent, and maybe a decent person, but for some reason, a huge asshat.

I digress, the government shutdown. The mainstream media seems to blame Republicans. I blame them too. Had they not pulled their big-government moves straight outta the Democrat playbook, and instead forged some sort of visible dividing line between the two parties, it would be much harder to lump them into the blame game here.

But where they are now, I guess hardball is the best option for them, regardless of how unpopular it is with the crybabies at NPR and Jizzebel.

Little rays of hope do manage to leak through the neo-con garbage collection of subhumans though, as libertarian views are gaining traction.

But I also blame Democrats. I don't know, one of them being the leader of the free world, a messianic community organizer of sorts, you'd think he'd be able know,  lead, and organize. You'd also think they'd lead by example and embrace Obamacare by actually using it, instead of opting for their cushy government healf care.

Nah, that requires work, effort, and OMG sacrifice; the only work and effort I'm seeing expended are attempts at out-George-Bushing George Bush. And def not seeing any sacrifice.

And this lol move.

What's the takeaway here? Really it's that you're the fuckup. You enabled these bipartisan dipshits to revel in the ignorance of the general populace. You fell victim to wedge issues,  marketing, hype, hope, and bullshit.

But to be fair, put yourself in the shoes of a politician. Or rather read on as I put myself in the shoes of politicians. I would absolutely take lobbist handouts from my buddies at huge insurance companies and Wall Street. I would absolutely pass on a bullshit health care plan for a much better one. I would mos def be firing missiles at people that don't speak my language. I'd probably be doing all the horrible things politicians have been doing for ages, while feeding literal shit to the news-seeking masses.

So while I may be no better than the politicians I despise, in some sort of twisted, almost circular-like crazy logic, I am better than you.

Friday, September 27, 2013

the hunger games

You seen it? I seen it. Actually, I only half seen it, cause we're about halfway through, so I have no idea how it ends.

A couple years ago, it seemed to have received a lot of hype. Knowing it was based on a book and seeing it's relatively high level of popularity, I just figured it was another Twilight sequel. Not sure how exactly I made those connections, but they were made. So deal.

Anyway, Heckyeahwoman and I popped the Netflix'd dvd in the player and began our Hunger Games mission. What follows are a couple of my in-eloquent thoughts on being roughly halfway through the movie.

1. It's pretty entertaining and compelling. The dystopian future, the vaccuous masses of Hunger Games fans (for which the movie is named), and the caricature-like hosts of the Games paint a bleak picture of our intellectual fate. First thing I thought of was the NFL...on steroids.

2. The plot is a little unsettling for me. The kids killing kids thing. Also, the mid-twentysomethings playing kids. Throughout the entire movie, the premise put just a little bit of a knot in my belly. I know there are like 24 contestants, and probably 23 of them are going to die. Now don't take me for some people-loving nice guy. No, I hate homeless people and criminals just as much as you. It's just a little unsettling.

3.  Heckyeahwoman is fiiiiiiiiiiine. I kept looking over at her thinking, DAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNN WHOOOO DAT. That happens almost every movie though. #would

4. There is a sequel. I have no idea about it, but that means that the original must have done well enough at the box office for the producers to fire up HG2. Wonder if the next year's Hunger Games will be the plot for the second one.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

NFL Predictions

First game of the season: Denver over Baltimore, 27-24.


North: New England, maybe Buffalo will surprise some people?

East: Baltimore, though I would love to see Cleveland.

West: Denver, sadly, Kansas City gets lost in the for the upper level of wild card mediocrity.

South: Houston, but Indianapolis is creeping.

Wild Cards: Cincinnati and Indianapolis.

Playoffs: Baltimore over Cincinnati, Houston over Indianapolis.

Divisional: Houston over New England, Denver over Baltimore.

Conference: Houston over Denver.


North: Green Bay, not even close.

East: Dallas, eh, who else?

West: Seattle, San Francisco are hangin' real tight to their nut hairs, and St. Louis are subsequently hanging real tight to San Fran's nut hairs. And Arizona, with their D, is a-swingin real firmly from St Louie's sack. This division is going to be the NFL version of the AL East in the MLB - brutal.

South: Atlanta, but New Orleans are going to give them a run. Matchups should be a shootout.

Wild Cards: San Fran and New Orleans.

Playoffs: San Fran over Dallas, Atlanta over New Orleans.

Divisional: Seattle over Atlanta, San Fran over Green Bay

Conference: Seattle over San Fran

SUPER BOWEL: Seattle over Houston

I really hate to pick anybody over Green Bay because I think they have a legit shot at the Super Bowl, but for now, their D and O-line are too questionable. This really could be Houston's year to get to that next level...only to lose the Super Bowl haha.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013


And why are we back?


Love this jam. The dude's deep voice acts as a PRE-PUMP for the insanely catchy synth-line in the chorus. THIS PUMP PUMPS ME UP SO MUCH!

Hit the record store the other day, snagged the new Vampire Weekend jam (HUGE PUMP), grabbed Bright Eyes' 'I'm Wide Awake" ('NOTHER HUGE PUMP).

Oh dog, I also grabbed 'Screamin' with the Deadguy Quintet' for $3! Already own it on cd, but awesome album for three bones, don't mind if I do. MONSTROUS PUMP RIGHT CHAIR.

But check this out, I bought a cd. Yes, Drug Church's new one, 'Paul Walker'. This album smokes.

Don't believe me? Click play and get PUMPED.

This next one sounds a bit like Snapcase. And that's not a bad thing.

Cause if it's not a bad thing, it must be a good thing. And due to the laws of physics, if it's a good thing, it must be FULL OF PUMP.

Yep, it is.

Wow, it feels good to see the first HUMP DAY PUMP UP in almost a year. Feel the PUMP.

Embrace the PUMP.


Saturday, August 31, 2013

This is Disgusting

You may have heard about the large cat roaming around feral Detroit. Well, it has been shot. Thanks to USA Today for the quality reporting.

The cat is a Savannah, a mix of a domestic housecat and an African serval cat. Being larger than a normal feral cat, and lost in a community presumably populated by those less intellectually fortunate than many of us, the cat supposedly met it's fate after the media received complaints and blew them out of proportion.

Antwaun Asberry, one of the known complainants, skillfully articulated his run-in with the violent cat-dragon:

"When I first seen it, he looked at me," Asberry said. "I looked at him. He walked like he ain't scared of nothing. This thing is out here, bro."

Below, Mr. Asberry talks about the large cat/twerks for the camera.

Similar complaints allege the feline-beast to be large, big, not normal, and is in possession of a tail that is longer than one's arm. All descriptors are clearly hallmarks of vicious animals.

Was it feral? No, it was an escaped pet - one that was raised by its family since it was four months old.

Why was it shot? I have no idea. I mean, I have ideas, but they aren't really PC.

At the end of the day, I think it's pretty safe to say that whoever the shooter may be, it would be for the best if the shooter were to now turn the gun on him or herself.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Strife - Torn Apart / Labor Day PUMP

Now that we're semi-back-in-action, let's get this Labor Day weekend kicked off with a MONSTROUS PUMP.

Today that MONSTROUS PUMP comes from an old standby, a classic MONSTROUS PUMP deliverer, a dependable bringer of the PUMP, a band that went on hiatus for over ten years after releasing a MONSTROUS PUMP of an entire album, then released another MONSTROUS PUMP of an entire album in late 2012.

For real, if you're PUMPING this jam and NOT floorpunching the family dog all weekend, you're Labor Daying it wrong.


Me? I'll be floorpunching with the in-laws all weekend as my wife's sister is getting married. Should be a rager in the scorching heat. Oh shit, and that reminds me - I built a sick cornhole set up for the wedding, I'll try to get some pics up next week.

NPR, Are You Feeling Alright?

In a complete 180, NPR is bucking their almost dictatorial left leaning bent, and reports that there may be skepticism, and maybe even a little uncertainty in the global warming/climate change debate. Long story short, scientist Judith Curry doesn't believe there is definitive proof that humans are causing climate change.

Something I learned from my wife, without a doubt one of the smartest people I know, is that admitting that there are things we don't know is a sign of not just intelligence, but of a truly scientific mind, and Ms. Curry does just that:

"Her philosophy, then and now, is that if climate scientists would more readily acknowledge the uncertainties inherent in the issue, skeptics would more likely accept the well-established central tenets of global warming."

Listen, or rather, read, I don't want to give the impression that I'm a climate change denier; I think it's pretty obvious there is something fishy going on. What I don't totally buy is that people are to blame. Part of that stems from me not being a climate scientist. The other part stems from simply not being to stand the deification of climate change preachers and their legion of fact-hating supporters.

We don't want to harp on right vs left politicking, because obviously the issue is quite polarizing with neither side offering much of value. But seeing this supposed blasphemy has me a little riled up, albeit in a good way. It's very refreshing to read something stating the obvious, with regards to the causes of global warming: we just don't know for sure.

But then get this, seriously, NPR published a report that explicitly states, "the Earth's average temperature hasn't increased in the last 15 years".

Sample size, blah blah blah, the general warming trend, just that fact that NPR can publish that specific, unique string of letters into a sentence, is quite surprising to me.

Anyway, check out the links before they get "scientifically and ideologically revised" into lockstep world-heating paranoia!

Happy Labor Day!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Bike Thievery begets Bike Thievery

Usually violence begets violence, but here we have bike thievery granting a short reprieve for said violence.

Long story short, a chick has her new bike stolen, bike-stealer posts an ad on craigslist - for the bike,  homegirl goes to "purchase" it, and on the test ride, she split.

Pretty awesome. So awesome in fact, that the story had me putting myself in her position, wishing I could do something that awesome. But that would require my bike getting stolen, and then essentially hitting the lottery by coming across a craigslist ad for it. So yeah, I hope my bike does NOT get stolen.

MSN has a sick link to the story right here.

What's the takeaway here? Even though bad things happen all the time, and never stop happening, sometimes good things happen. But they usually don't.

Woman and her bike:

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Are Kids Discriminating at the Lunch Table?

Yahoo! reports that some school districts all over the You Ess of Aye are giving up on the federal lunch program because the kids just won't eat the healthier food.

The article goes on to mention that perfectly good vegetables and fruits, AND EVEN WHOLE MEALS, are just getting tossed into the garb because little punks won't eat them. Surely there are homeless and poor people that would give a handie to a fellow bum for a meal like that.

But nah, tasty treats are getting tossed.

Couple things here, you think the federal government can just legislate away childhood obesity and poor eating habits? Even the Messiah himself can't simply snap his fingers to impose federal mandates if that mandate involves the lifting of a finger or usage of some sort of effort or sacrifice.

But beyond politics, these schools lost a bunch of money that they most likely don't have to lose. And again, perfectly edible food is getting tossed rather than being used for it's intended purpose.

Is the refusal to eat healthy food a new form of discrimination called foodism? Sure sounds like it to me.

These kids aren't allowing food to be fooded - because it's a different kind of food than they're used to. And that which we don't know scares us. Who taught these kids to be young foodists? They learn that at home?

Kids, remember, just because it's different, or something you haven't seen before, doesn't mean it's necessarily worse.

So see, an important lesson was just learned here!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

dear gun control advocate

If I could have a gun control advocate say something to me, I would like to hear something like this:

“I know the vast majority of you, gun owners, are great, law-abiding citizens. You are safe; you practice and preach gun-safety. Thank you for that. Thank you from me, for my kids. Thank you. But the fact is that guns are used to kill a lot of people – some deserving, many not. I know neither of us want to see kids and innocent people shot to shit. I know you don’t support that.  You want to keep your guns locked safely away until use for sport shooting, hunting, or home protection and that’s fine.
So before I start yammering away about blanketed gun control measures affecting you more than anybody else – the peak of a very slippery slope here – let’s have a conversation about guns being used as a weapon, to kill people.

Let’s talk about what we can do to stop guns from finding their ways into the hands of criminals, of crazies. Let’s talk about how we can stop that from happening. What can we do to drastically reduce the black market for guns?

And more importantly, what are we doing wrong as a society where so many people are turning to violence in the first place? Why are we resigned to violence as a way of life? Why are we OK with that?

Taking guns out of the hands of those with a propensity to react violently to things that don’t warrant violent reactions is a good thing. You agree. We aren't too stupid to realize that those violent people will find other violent means to lash out and hurt and kill people.

Who are these people that are so violent? And what  are Americans doing wrong?

I know that the gun control debate is so polarizing, I get that. I don’t give a shit whether you are a republican, democrat, libertarian, or turdfriend or whatever, but you are smarter than the cheap emotional pleas the president and mass media have been using to drum up support. You are also smarter than the bullshit peddled by the NRA. But I understand why you may lightheartedly support them – they support your second amendment rights.

Last, hunting is not a sport, if you hunt for sport, fuck you. Thanks for reading.”

I don't know, I think that would be a much better segue into conversation than fatalist mishandling of numbers.

Friday, April 19, 2013

YOU'RE SCUM 4.19.2013

We're back with more YOU'RE SCUM.

First, our thoughts go out to all those affected by the horrible explosions in Texas and Boston. The Boston perpetrators are indeed SCUM, not just today, but always.

That said, there is plenty of subliminal scum just lurking. Let's go ahead and name a few.

David Sirota, you are not just SCUM, but you are a full blown piece of shit.  For racist reasons still unknown, you hope the Boston Marathon bomber is white. What?! Well Scum Sirota, I hope that you and/or your family are victims of the next terrorist attack. With charged garbage barely passable as sentences, you not only identify yourself as a typical liberal talking head, but as SCUM. The only surprise here that you get any points for at all is not blaming the bombing on guns.

Today we have a two-fer, with additional SCUM:

Michael Moore, YOU'RE SCUM. It's no secret though, fatty U BEN SCUM 4 A WYLE. Keeping with the theme of hoping the bomber is white, Michael Moore tweeted, and I have no idea where this came from, that allegedly the Tea Party was behind the bombing. Not seeing the connection.

Maybe you should stick to making horribly biased movies, which even Christopher Hitchens* thinks are shit. Or Maybe don't.

The brand of bias you peddle is easily recognized as garbage, so with that, I guess I'm thankful we're lucky that you aren't smart enough to disguise your agenda as science, ala another deified fraud. Deifraud?

*Christopher Hitchens is an atheist.**

**Christopher Hitchens is an atheist.***

***In case we didn't mention it already, in honor of Mr. Hitchens, we are again mentioning that he is an atheist, per his wishes and writing style.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

YOU'RE SCUM 3.19.2013

Mark Kelly, husband of Gabby Giffords, today you are SCUM. And most likely you will remain SCUM for the rest of your life.

This is old news, but after campaigning to ban both assault rifles and high capacity magazines, you get caught personally buying one. Obviously you could be out in the world doing worse things than legally purchasing sick firearms, but after reading your pathetic explanation, my piece-of-shit-detector was a-buzzing quite loudly.

The only reason Diane Feinstein didn't receive the honor of the inaugural YOU'RE SCUM is because she looks like this: