Friday, November 22, 2013

this was superLOL

Throughout history, women have been mistreated, and unfortunately many times they still are. It's 2013, and if you're mistreating a woman for being a woman, you're probably also still running around calling people faggots, and you are scum and there's really no reason for you to be alive.

Before this turns into a celebration of women (or of anything, because celebrations and fun both suck) - because I refuse to celebrate anything that is not a handsome white male or our ridiculously adorable son, Orange Guy, and maybe a few other things - let's get into the impetus for this well-worded post:

A straight-up LOL article. An articLOLe?

The gist of the article can be summarized in probably the most alarming and scary line found just a couple paragraphs deep:

"There are certain words that are applied to women specifically in order to manipulate them into compliance: "Slut", "Bitch", "Ugly/Fat" and of course, "Crazy".

I think I've used all of those terms, at some point in my life, to refer to a woman. I know that I've never used it to "manipulate them into compliance", though. Let's take a quick run through of each, and look at the male equivalent. Then, if we have time, we can discuss why the double standard exists. **spoiler alert: we probably won't have time**

Slut - certainly heard men referred to as sluts, man-whores, he-whores, dirty dicks, all terms that refer to promiscuity. Don't want to be called a slut? Don't act like one! You're not a slut, but some idiot at a bar called you one? Surely you've called a dude an unflattering something

Bitch - the male equivalent might be asshole or douchebag. In the late 90's and early aughts, it may have been tool. Just seems that the female equivalent here has really stuck. Thanks for that, hip-hop culture!

Ugly/Fat - first thing that comes to mind is derogatory names for dudes with small peckers. I don't love the idea of mocking people for physical qualities, but I do have a special place of disgust in my heart for fat people. Never joked with your friends about an ex's or a fling's johnson? Oh you haven't? Get real.

Crazy - I know a thing or two about crazy. By seeing crazy up close and personal, and knowing what to avoid - that's how I managed to marry a totally awesome and amazing woman. But what would I know about crazy broads? Well, I did happen to spend five years of my high-school and early college life with a woman some friends kindly referred to as "psycho".

Clearly I was the asshole misogynist and should have learned to look past her superficial faults. Superficial faults such as the time she tried to run me over, or the times she told me she was pregnant and extorted abortion money from me. Note that I was able to look past the blumpkin, obviously. But all clear red flags. So due to the stalking, harassing, and insanity I experienced in that relationship, I believe I know a thing or two about crazy.

When I refer to a broad as crazy, it's probably because she is. On the same token, when a broad calls me a "small-donged, abusive, douchebag freak", it's probably because I definitely am.


Beer said...

I just shook my head and said Brilliant" under my breath as I finished reading this piece.

Fart said...

Truly an editorial masterpiece.