Wednesday, July 23, 2014

she kept both

It probably comes as no surprise to you that in the Heck Yeah household, we are avid The Bachelor and The Bachelorette fans. It's the only TV show we really watch religiously.

After the Juan Pablo season this past winter and spring, we wondered how it could get any worse! But then something kinda messed up happened this season - something that I don't think has really happened on the show yet: racism supposedly reared its ugly head. Though Juan Pabz did have unsavory things to say about gays.

Well what happened, did drunk idiot Craig get drunk again and drop an n-bomb? Did smarmy asshole JJ slap Ron because of his big black misshapen head?

Nah, it was much more subtle, or more likely, pretend.

During a rose ceremony, the bachelor or bachelorette hands out roses to those fools lucky enough to make the cut. The contestants stand and wait for their name to be called, kinda like this:

poole racist comment bachelorette

When the alleged incident happened, both black dudes received roses. Apparently, contestant Andrew (sick name, btw) mumbled something to the dude standing next to him, JJ, along the lines of "she kept both blackies". There was no audio of the incident, just video that shows Andrew mumbling something to JJ. What was said was completely indecipherable.

To shed further light on Andrew being a dickhead, and possibly guilty, earlier in the show, at a restaurant, a hostess apparently gave her number to Andrew. This was reported by none other than JJ, who then tattled a gruesome story to all the other cast mates, and then confronted Andrew, with head-shaking lols. The only outcome here is all parties involved looking like dickheads. Note here that dickheads are not always racist, but racists are usually dickheads.

In terms of dickhead-ness, both Andrew and JJ are pretty high up there, with JJ probably taking the title.

A couple shows later, and we have #Blackiegate. And then as we'll find out, it re-reared its ugly head during the "men tell all" reunion.

On the show, once JJ brought his revelation to light, to Marquel, the remaining black contestant, Marquel confronted Andrew, and did so in a somewhat reasonable manner, naturally, after initially blaming. Andrew of course denied it; Marquel seemed to be fine with that, having only hearsay from known scum, versus the word of borderline scum. They (Andrew and Marquel) were polite until one of them parted, and then eventually both were gone.

You'd think the beef would be squashed.

Fast forward to the reunion show the other night, and ABC wouldn't dare pass up a chance to crucify a white guy for racism, however true it may or may not be. So once the dudes all came out, Chris Harrison, the host, jumped right in.

Obviously, Marquel, given this great platform on national television, acted as if Andrew was guilty as charged/ferk. Throughout the interaction, there was really nothing Andrew could say (I mean really, is there?) to assuage Marquel's hurt and inner turmoil. The soapbox was soaped and the platitudes were platituded. As expected, Marquel directed his anger/ignorance right at Andrew. This was despite a good chunk of the other (sadly white) dudes coming to Andrew's defense. Though the defense might be seen more as an indictment of JJ's known assholery.

Where he should have directed his rage was at his friend on the show, JJ. If we pretend for a minute that what JJ disclosed really happened, his waiting four weeks later to share it certainly diluted it, while shedding light on his intentions.The waiting weakened it, and does a disservice to combating actual racism. Marquel, ever the dullest tool in the shed, completely missed that. Let's all hope he's not the next Bachelor, though smart money is on Chris.

Also funny is Ron, the other black dude, weighing in, even despite most reasonable viewers thinking JJ is an unlikable piece of shit. Nope, Ron stayed in his vacuum and condemned Andrew for being ignorant and saying ignorant things. Surprisingly though, he noted that Andrew is ignorant, not racist; BUT STILL GUILTY.

Not so funny is Andrew talking about how the incident affected his personal life...and Marquel making light of that. Marquel, as an African American, gets things handed to him because of the color of his skin. Andrew, is potentially having shitty things happen to him based on sketchy hearsay.

Sadly, at the end, Andrew apologized, most likely just to chill the idiot chorus. Either way, if Andrew said it, he's an idiot, if not, he's still an idiot: another white dude that just can't win.

Friday, July 18, 2014

a restaurant review, the sequel

Back in June, we reviewed a newer local restaurant, after a particularly shitty experience.

As usual, we social media'd the shit out of the blog post, from our HYM corporate social media sites that we frequent (Tinder, Adult Friend Finder, Redtube, facebook, etc.), and somebody from the restaurant commented! No lie, it was a very nice, thoughtful comment. He or she basically just apologized, said that's not how they roll, invited us back on their dime, and totally took ownership. Classy.

We were definitely gonna stop back anyway though, cause in typing up the initial review, I lurked their/there/they're facebook page, and they apparently serve oysters (!), and the wings looked awesome. Note that there is no way in hell I was going to expect them to pay for our meals.

So here we are, actually a month later, again on a Thursday night, after the live "Music in the Park" event, we were hungry, so we stopped into Bug Eyed Betty's. As we pulled in, the parking lot was PACKED, and I got so pissed that I immediately started re-sweating. The sweating subsided as I saw my friends, *** and *** hanging outside during halftime of their Thursday night trivia. We chatted for a few and headed inside to meet our food-fate.

Funny note, as an avid blog reader and booster of, and considering the previous review, when he saw us/me, *** exclaimed, "ARE THEY GONNA LET YOU BACK IN HERE!?" Heckyeahwoman was also worried about shitty-review retaliation. I did my time in a restaurant, I know how that works. So yeah, we were kinda nervous.

So how was the experience?

It started out on a sour note when I learned they were out of the oysters! GODDAMNIT I LOVE OYSTERS! Not to worry, a cold Oberon and Heckyeahwoman's sweet margarita raised our spirits right up. Since our (my) June moratorium on eating pizza expired, we (I) have been on a pizza binge, so yep, with Heckyeahwoman's blessing, we opted for the MEAT PIZZA, aptly named The Burly.

The pizza came out pretty quickly, and after the waitress set it down on the table, my first instinct was to ask where our pizza was, because all I saw was a big fucking pile of meat in the shape of a perfect, medium-sized circle.

So how did it taste?

Like heaven.

The meat was great (Canadian bacon, sausage, pepperoni?, braised beef brisket, other meats I'm forgetting). HYW thought the brisket was dry, so I started picking pieces off and stuffing them into my piehole, and confirmed she mistakenly used "dry" in place of "delicious". With pizza, one thing I don't generally notice, unless it's done right, is a nicely crispy dough on the bottom, and this was that, bros.

Pizza was awesome.

Midway through our meal, a managerial-looking fellow popped by and asked how things were tasting. Our awesome was met with his awesome, and we finished up.

At the end of the night, the final tally, in terms of pizza slices, had me winning with 4, compared to my wife's 2.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

John LOLiver weighs in

I must have seen 15 people post John Oliver links about how he "destroys" something related to the recent Hobby Lobby Supreme Court decision.

To catch you up: the Supreme Court ruled that Hobby Lobby and other companies don't have to provide certain health care services if they are religiously opposed (omg birth control and abortions!). Makes sense - you run a business, you are the boss, you should be able to decide which benefits you give your employees, how much you pay them, you know, how you run your OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS.

Having only known that Mr. Oliver hosted The Daily Show at one point, and seeing links that redirect to credible news sites like mediaite, msn, and democraticunderground, I had an inkling that we'd be low on humor, and high on demagoguery. Turns out I was right. Note that I made it about a minute and a half into the six minute rant. But the tidy little description was the heads up anybody would need.

His thing is that CORPORATIONS ARE NOT PEOPLE! I get that, but quick question, who runs corporations and companies? It may seem like profit-focused, corner-cutting, automaton scum, but smaller companies like Hobby Lobby, where the head honcho might actually have, aw who gives a shit: somebody owns a company, be it a board of chair people or an...uh, owner. If he, she, or they decide a decision (based on business, what has worked for them in the past, personal beliefs, etc.), that's not the corporation as a whole making it, despite that decision being reflected onto or within that corporation (as a whole).

So really what it boils down to, for reasonable people, is that John Oliver, and a bunch of other people don't want you to exercise religious freedom if you run a business. The surprising good news here for those companies that are graciously allowed to exercise their religious freedom, the government will pick up the tab for contraception and other stuff***.

Probably the only thing that gets people like Mr. Oliver harder than declaring their atheism, is declaring that the government will pay for something.

Here's a novel idea: if you don't like what your job offers you - pay, benefits, job title, boss, work environment, 3/10s with office goggles, or anything, don't fucking work there! You don't want to work for bible-thumpers? Tell them to fuck off when you get a job offer! Or politely decline like a reasonable person. Nobody owes you a goddamn thing just because you don't like your job, or holy shit, a possible potential job that you might take.

Further, are you a die hard atheist turd and hate Hobby Lobby? Show them your hate and don't shop there! Go to Hobbytown USA or Michael's (those are similar stores, right? lol) instead. Is the owner of the restaurant down the street known gay-hating scum, a child molester, or someone with slightly differing views than you on wedge issues but overall a nice guy? Tell your friends and avoid the place like the plague. Review they asses on facebook.

But for the love of dong, don't fucking tattle to the government.

Problem here though, there are people that think the government can run their business better than you, a quick run through of the government's stellar track record, with hits like the Amtrak and UPS, paints a different picture.

I think drugs should be legalized, but if some asshole wants to piss test me, he or she should be able to.

You know what else pisses me off? I'm an atheist. That by itself doesn't piss me off. But other atheists piss me off. I don't believe in God. But you know how many shits I give that somebody believes in what I think are fairy tales?

Know how many?

Take a guess.

Go ahead.


Yep, zero shits.

I've had to add a qualifier to my title of "atheist". Yep, as of like a couple years ago, I officially became an "apathetic atheist".

Credit where credit is due: Mr. Oliver does get one thing right, surprisingly, when he says that, "Taxation is more of an all-you-can-eat salad bar". Though it's not clear he meant the government is the one gorging on taxes. Judging by his politics, I'm guessing he meant fat white people from the rural south, because the facts say they're the most religionest people. OK, spoiler: the facts don't say that at all. But it's cool.

At the very least, do me (and the world) a huge favor, if you take issue with a person running his or her own business how he or she sees fit, please please please try to not have a safe Fourth of July weekend.

***I don't want the government to pay for much, but I would love it if they would inundate us with free birth control and make abortions an extremely cheap, everyday thing...almost mandatory, if you will.