Tuesday, July 1, 2014

John LOLiver weighs in

I must have seen 15 people post John Oliver links about how he "destroys" something related to the recent Hobby Lobby Supreme Court decision.

To catch you up: the Supreme Court ruled that Hobby Lobby and other companies don't have to provide certain health care services if they are religiously opposed (omg birth control and abortions!). Makes sense - you run a business, you are the boss, you should be able to decide which benefits you give your employees, how much you pay them, you know, how you run your OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS.

Having only known that Mr. Oliver hosted The Daily Show at one point, and seeing links that redirect to credible news sites like mediaite, msn, and democraticunderground, I had an inkling that we'd be low on humor, and high on demagoguery. Turns out I was right. Note that I made it about a minute and a half into the six minute rant. But the tidy little description was the heads up anybody would need.

His thing is that CORPORATIONS ARE NOT PEOPLE! I get that, but quick question, who runs corporations and companies? It may seem like profit-focused, corner-cutting, automaton scum, but smaller companies like Hobby Lobby, where the head honcho might actually have, aw who gives a shit: somebody owns a company, be it a board of chair people or an...uh, owner. If he, she, or they decide a decision (based on business, what has worked for them in the past, personal beliefs, etc.), that's not the corporation as a whole making it, despite that decision being reflected onto or within that corporation (as a whole).

So really what it boils down to, for reasonable people, is that John Oliver, and a bunch of other people don't want you to exercise religious freedom if you run a business. The surprising good news here for those companies that are graciously allowed to exercise their religious freedom, the government will pick up the tab for contraception and other stuff***.

Probably the only thing that gets people like Mr. Oliver harder than declaring their atheism, is declaring that the government will pay for something.

Here's a novel idea: if you don't like what your job offers you - pay, benefits, job title, boss, work environment, 3/10s with office goggles, or anything, don't fucking work there! You don't want to work for bible-thumpers? Tell them to fuck off when you get a job offer! Or politely decline like a reasonable person. Nobody owes you a goddamn thing just because you don't like your job, or holy shit, a possible potential job that you might take.

Further, are you a die hard atheist turd and hate Hobby Lobby? Show them your hate and don't shop there! Go to Hobbytown USA or Michael's (those are similar stores, right? lol) instead. Is the owner of the restaurant down the street known gay-hating scum, a child molester, or someone with slightly differing views than you on wedge issues but overall a nice guy? Tell your friends and avoid the place like the plague. Review they asses on facebook.

But for the love of dong, don't fucking tattle to the government.

Problem here though, there are people that think the government can run their business better than you, a quick run through of the government's stellar track record, with hits like the Amtrak and UPS, paints a different picture.

I think drugs should be legalized, but if some asshole wants to piss test me, he or she should be able to.

You know what else pisses me off? I'm an atheist. That by itself doesn't piss me off. But other atheists piss me off. I don't believe in God. But you know how many shits I give that somebody believes in what I think are fairy tales?

Know how many?

Take a guess.

Go ahead.


Yep, zero shits.

I've had to add a qualifier to my title of "atheist". Yep, as of like a couple years ago, I officially became an "apathetic atheist".

Credit where credit is due: Mr. Oliver does get one thing right, surprisingly, when he says that, "Taxation is more of an all-you-can-eat salad bar". Though it's not clear he meant the government is the one gorging on taxes. Judging by his politics, I'm guessing he meant fat white people from the rural south, because the facts say they're the most religionest people. OK, spoiler: the facts don't say that at all. But it's cool.

At the very least, do me (and the world) a huge favor, if you take issue with a person running his or her own business how he or she sees fit, please please please try to not have a safe Fourth of July weekend.

***I don't want the government to pay for much, but I would love it if they would inundate us with free birth control and make abortions an extremely cheap, everyday thing...almost mandatory, if you will.

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