another restaurant review

After the smashing success of the last restaurant review, I thought it necessary to throw up another one. You may have noticed my PUMPY mention of our wedding anniversary from a recent HUMP DAY PUMP UP. Well that glorious day came. And with it came a review-worthy restaurant experience.

A quick review of that anniversary though, in story form (note the names have been changed): Turd dates Pretty Future Doctor. Turd marries Pretty Doctor. Turd and Pretty Doctor have their first child who unexpectedly was born a cat. Turd celebrates four years of marriage to Pretty Doctor.

Before heading out for dinner, we exchanged gifts. I had a local florist produce a close approximation of Heckyeahwoman's wedding bouquet - based on facebook wedding pictures, my MiL's floral expertise, and luck. It turned out awesome; she was PUMPED. I was gifted two (2) bottles of my favorite beverage: malort. The first, Jeppson's, I am intimately familiar with. The second, Baska Snaps, I had been wanting to try, and did immediately upon opening. Both wonderful.

Our first stop was at the new(ish) wine bar, Splash, where we were greeted by a virtually empty, dark room and what would become an annoying bartender. I sampled a $7 malbec and my wife tried the 'tender's suggestion, Cigar Red Zin. Both delicious, though hers was not as enjoyable due to the bartender repeatedly yammering on about how it's his favorite wine.

When people to whom I can't relate enjoy the same things that I enjoy, I tend to enjoy them less.

Quick question, do you want to be served wine by a 21 year old surfer-brah in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, in a wine bar, where he won't shut up, and the only reason he's not wearing board shorts is because he already been written up twice by management for wearing them to work? Do you? Me neither.

So we split after one glass each.

Next up was local restaurant, Mona Lisa's. We haven't been there for over ten years, though it had been ten years since we'd lived in Eau Claire. If I remember right, we went there for Heckyeahwoman's 19th birthday a long time ago (ha not that long ago, I swear!). My parents took me there one time when they were up visiting too, but they got me loaded on wine so the details aren't totally clear.

It was a Thursday night and the place was pretty packed, but not too packed for a local celebrity and his beautiful wife to get a VIP seat, so that was nice. At first I thought their shitty paper menus were shitty, but I was later informed that they change frequently due to availability of local food and seafood, so that was sweet. Menus in general though, so gross, with gross people putting their gross hands all over them.

Heckyeahwoman kicked things off with a glass of some type of red wine, and I was pleased to see they had Left Hand's Nitro Milk Stout on tap. Love that beer. The drinks came relatively quickly.

The menu itself was great looking. Italian food is funny, I never get PUMPED about eating it, but when I'm there, nomming hard as shit, the PUMP always seems to find me. The menu, with a great selection of seafood, got the PUMP going right away. Scallops, shrimp, other critters of the sea, all over the pasta. Hard choices were made that night, but in the end, they were the right choices, as we will soon see (sea?, sorry).

Heckyeahwom'n was torn between a few items, but went with the Seafood Rockefeller, and COTDAMM was it good. Aside from being creamy and (probably, I think) savory, the white sauce had a smokey flavor to it, while the scallops in the dish were almost knuckle size, no joke. Her tortellinis were cheese filled and cooked perfectly. Really great choice, doctor. Upon much deliberation, I went with the Seafood Ravioli. And delightfully shockingly, it was more seafood than ravioli, even though the raviolis were massive. I couldn't take a bite without packing my fork fulla various water-dwelling insect treats: scrimps, scallops, a white fish that didn't taste fishy at all, and I think calamari of the unbreaded variety. Stupid good, I literally couldn't wait to eat the leftovers.

The dinner concluded with the server bringing our forgotten glass of wine, that we had to chug before leaving, cause, as we say in the Heckyeah-household, "PAPA'S GOTTA TALK TO THE TURLET NOW".