i want you to see this

This is something I want you to see.




That's probably not actually a thing, but this is the ghost shark off which it was based for the upcoming Hollywood blockbuster, SHARK ELEPHANTITIS.

I don't know, I find this little dude pretty scary.

DANZIG PUMP

Forget what you heard about Glenn Danzig being a washed up turd.

Because in his prime, there wasn't a harder rocker.

Ever been to a strip club? If some filthy skank gonna grind on me, I need to have this anthem playing.






Feel the slow burn of She Rides, as she rides, heh, yafeelmeh? Lol @ that mediocre ass shaking it in an unsexy manner to kick off the video. Almost drained the PUMP right out of the JAM. BUT NOT QUITE.

Sometimes you gotta PUMP it down to PUMP it up, namean? Mr. Danzig hain't afraid to showcase the pipes. Or the guns.




You know, just between you and I, I was torn between this jam and Sistinas. Two great, slower Danzig tunes putting his vocals on full display. Go ahead, click that hyperlinked embedded link that I magically hyperlinked to be embedded in the word "Sistinas" and do yoseff a favor and get maximum enjoyment and PUMP out of this here #DANZIGPUMP.

I remember like it was yesterday - I ordered the two CD set, the Lost Tracks of Danzig. And while there were quite a few stinkers on the two discs, the first disc kicks off with the following jam. And I can't think of a PUMPIER way to get the festivities STARTED.







JOIN ME FOR THE PUMP JOURNEY CULMINATING IN AN EPIC 41 MINUTE DANZIG VHS VIDEO TRANSLATED DIGITALLY FOR THE TECHNOLOGY GENERATION AND COMPUTERS:




One more DANZIGPUMP: I own the actual VHS! Thanks Heckyeahwoman!

AM I DEMON? GOTTA KNOW.

AM I PUMPED? GOTTA BE.

i'm not hitler, i swear

The other day at work, somebody compared me to Hitler. Somehow me voicing my desire to not have junkies in my backyard equates me with being a genocidal maniac (context: a co-worker noted an uptick in heroin usage in a neighboring city, and the possibility of a drug that could counteract heroin overdoses. I merely asked if such people that required said drug would be worth saving).

OK, there may have been other things, like my belief that the world is overpopulated, and that I should be in charge of trimming down the world citizenry (latter half kind of in jest). So yeah, I can kinda see how that is Hitler-esque.

Then I just read this ints little article that presents a positive turn in the quest to lower murders in Chicago. Note that "positive turn" denotes the amount of murders being lowered.

Basically, much in the same way marketers and companies track your purchasing habits, this Chicago police chief is tracking gang activity and criminal habits. His data and science driven approach is saving lives by seeing gang members not as predators OR prey, but as both at the same time. Apparently this puts the focus not on arrests, but on saving lives, regardless.

Naturally, there are stop and frisk aspects involved in the decline. I don't know, I' fancy myself a bit Libertarian, and I feel like SaF isn't the worst thing in the world. Then again, I'm a pretty chilled out dude with not a whole lot to hide from the po and if a cop really thought I was worth a frisk, yeah, go ahead, but don't tickle my sack tho.

Assuming that the violence and murder rarely spills out of a certain area of the city, and it sounds like there are certain areas that house most of the crime, I think I'd be OK with that demographic shooting the shit out of each other.

I'm not sure what kind of resources should be applied to segments of the population that have no regard for human life, or any desire to not commit crimes.

Much like my views on abortion (they should be mandatory and much more common), I believe in implementing a Compelled Crime program, where I take unsavory groups of people, re-populate them in a biodome-like structure and feed them all the guns, drugs, and fast food they can handle.

Naturally, this would be filmed and broadcast. But here's the catch: because I am (kind of) against human suffering for monetary profit, I would put it on antenna broadcast, free of commercials, free of interruption. Tell me the idea of a bunch of uneducated, overweight, poor people fighting and killing each other wouldn't be awesome.

I have actually proposed a similar idea to various animal rights groups, but failed to gain traction.

Wait, kinda sounds like a more dystopian Hunger Games. Anybody see Catching Fire?

everything is sexist

Holy crap, I was doing my daily morning scan of punknews.org and came across another lolworthy post in their lolworthy series of interviews, Rad Women Who Make Rad Art. This one happens to be numero cinco in the series.

Couple things of note here: women are awesome. In fact, I know one in particular that is way more than awesome. Women are as strong, funny, intelligent, capable, creative, whatever, as men.

Anyways, punknews has a kind of running theme about how women in punk, and to a lesser extent, the mainstream, are always victims, how they’re always struggling. How it’s so much easier for women with big tits and plastic faces and skinny bodies to succeed.

No shit! Have something that somebody else finds of value, and you can make money and become a commodity!

“Oh, but women aren’t a commodity!”, you say.

Oh but they are.

Men are too! If a woman possesses any of the above-mentioned qualities and is willing to whore herself out - BOOM, commoditized. And the problem certainly isn’t women, it’s our culture where a cheap thrill is valued more than anything of substance. Dudes, food, clothes/fashion, cars, everything has been chinsed out and raped.

So to be a whiny woman crying about being marginalized because of gender, nah, you’re sometimes marginalized because of licentiousness pervading American culture. And unfortunately that seeps down into sub- and counter-cultures, like punk.

And most of the time you’re not even marginalized - you’re not able to be marginalized - because you’re ugly, not creative, and have nothing of value to offer anybody. And that’s not because you’re a wom’n; it’s because as an individual, you fucking suck.

Sorry about the rant, I did just want to comment on one of the excerpts from the interview, peep my thoughts in bold.

Q: There is a good deal of conversation about whether it is difficult for women to exist in the music community. Do you think that it is easier, harder or the same to be a woman in the visual arts? Why?

A: I think it's harder, but then again, if you're skinny and rich and have some conventional asset to the industry's market, then I feel like you can either be unproductive and famous like Taylor Swift (Unproductive? I don’t think that would be right for Taylor Swift. Sure she may be producing what equates to shit, but she’s producing it at a pretty high rate) , or attempt using your voice to empower young girls and queers, like, say, Beyonce (If you find empowerment in cheap, vague, un-anthems littered with hip hop culture, then that sounds like you have a problem picking out genuine, novel art. Nothing Beyonce has done hasn’t been done before, better. She’s pretty, she can sing, and she can do a pretty spot on Incredible Hulk impression, but there is nothing new about her at all). Although, shit, I'm sure Beyonce has had to deal with some bullshit. (Why, because she’s black? Because every black person takes some bullshit? Assuming things like this automatically attributes her as a victim, when in reality, she’s far from it. We all deal with unfair bullshit in everyday life, on varying scales, some more than others, and you know what, most of the time it stems from pure stupidity - racist, sexist, or otherwise. But to have any sympathy for her at all, when there are people and animals out there suffering much more furiously, is, well, really fucking stupid.)

Despite that, in a smaller scale, I don't think women are taken seriously. I think we have to prove our worth in completely unfortunate or tiring ways to be taken seriously. I also think that at least in punk, it’s becoming clear that sexist behavior is such a joke. I don't have any sympathy or understanding for either straight up sexist behavior, like, remember that time Ben Weasel punched a woman (Nobody should be punching anybody; fighting is stupid, but I think Ben Weasel punching a woman is about as unsexist an act as there is. I think it’s fair to say he didn’t punch her because he hates women. Ben Weasel is a known asshole, but I’m not aware of any misogynistic views previously expressed. He punched her because he thought she was going to keep attacking him. As horrible as it is, equal rights means equal fights. Being a woman doesn’t provide license to physically attack dudes at will. And FYI - I think Hooters and strip clubs are stupid.) and people chose sides as if that was actually justifiable? (Really, in self-defense, punching somebody is sometimes actually justifiable, whether he punched her in self-defense is up for debate, not that he hates women.) Or straight up sexist business, like the way that Hellcat Records used to only have one "girl-fronted" band at a time, like if gender is a genre of music (So, did this really happen, or is this just hearsay? My money is on the latter. Also, not sure if Hellcat Records is a not-for-profit feminist organization or a record label being run for profit. Her insinuation that a record label should be compelled to sign bands based on gender is scary).

I can't imagine a DIY punk show with only white guys fronting bands and identifying as a "revolution." I have, however, seen a lot of labels and events exploring music by women and queers and acknowledging the power in our voice, because, fuck, our voices, when expressing anger, are genuinely cast aside by the mainstream (clearly she is not familiar with mainstream pop radio. Your voice is not cast aside because you’re an angry female, it’s cast aside because you’re probably dropping f-bombs every other word and it sounds tacky). And at the end of the day isn't giving power to silenced demographics what punk is all about? (That’s the beauty of punk - it can be whatever you want it to be)

Since I exist as a musician in punk, I can’t say much for the world outside of that. I’m not dedicated to revolutionizing the music industry that's already based on sexist and classist morals (Automatically identifying with the “underdog” and blindly despising “the rich” sounds pretty classist to me). I'm concerned with maintaining the spirit of punk that made it a haven for angry girls and angry queers and, fuck, angry straight guys who experience some kind of disenfranchisement and maybe have tough as nail mothers and a basic respect for women (Sounds like the problem is not sexism, rather, women like this flying the disenfranchisement flag, and having a sense of entitlement that screams, ‘look at me! I dress punk! I make art! I make music! It’s good!” No, it’s not automatically good. In fact, it’s automatically shitty until somebody finds enjoyment out of whatever it is you create. The problem is that art in general is oversaturated with shit. Every asshole thinks they’re creative - my blog is absolute proof of that. Flying that disenfranchisement flag doesn’t make what you create automatically valid). You know? I definitely own the complete Mr. T Experience discography, and I love an apolitical pop-punk song as much as the next guy (the next what!?), but, come on! Punk is about expressing a message to the disenfranchised, not really about selling your product (that’s cute, but shit ain’t free, dawg. Gotta make money to produce and spread the message, doing it in the most ethical way, that’s the punk way.). If your message blows up, then more power to you. I feel proud when bands like Against Me! and The Gossip, who I used to see in stank basements for years, now get the recognition they deserve for the work they've done.

Last thing, maybe the roads were shitty on the way to work, maybe your alarm didn't go off, whatever, go out today, say something nice to somebody, do something nice, however small. 

*Note here again, that yeah, sexist things happen all the time. Women get shit on for being female, and that sucks. We all get shit on for various reasons beyond our control. But that will never change. It can get better, but it will never change, for one simple reason: assholes will always exist. You can’t have fair without unfair, and the scary part is when people start deciding what fair is. But that’s another convo for another time.

**UPDATE: in an unexpected twist, punknews just posted the next interview in the series. When given a soapbox on which to soap or box, literally handed to her on a silver platter, Ms. Osborne went all reasonable and awesome. True story, when asked about the difficulties women face in music and art, she answers, "I think being a human on the planet is pretty hard sometimes".

best albums of 2013 - a definitive and comprehensive list

Wow so 2013 kinda came and went.

Lucky for you, we will document the best albums of the year. **SPOILER ALERT** Kanye West is not on this list, as he is the sole reason racism still exists in 2013. Also not found here: indie garbage, Deafheaven's new one, and Daft Punk.

That said, there were only a couple new albums that I listened to this year. Here are the ones I enjoyed most, in no particular order:

Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City



Probably the most wife-friendly set of jams here, which should auto-jump it right towards the top of my list. 2013 sees Vampire Weekend mostly leaving behind the Afro-whatever influences found on previous albums. Worry not though, pretentious shitheads, they fill that void with awesome. Frontman Ezra Koenig or whatever his last name is definitely upped the lyric-game ante with pop culture and historical references that are way over my head. Why should you give this album a chance? Listen to the above song and not love it. Now imagine a full album that awesome. Found this for like $16 on vinyl, heck yeah. In Manhattan or Brooklyn, can't remember, but just know that I was gettin' my urban on in a big city.

Drug Church - Paul Walker



OK, this is my album of the year. Take an awesome album, add a now hilariouser/awesomer album title, and BOOM, best set of jams of the year. I hear 90's hardcore, 90's post-hardcore, 90's punk, 90's pop-punk, 90's awesome, everything. You wouldn't think that a dude yelling about how miserable things are for other people, and himself, would be this enjoyable, but it is. Catchy, awesome lyrics, awesome everything. Even my Pearl Jam dick-rider friend enjoyed this when I played it for him. Had a choice of vinyl or CD, chose the latter because I was out of town, and the immediate playback quality my vehicle offered was too much to trump. Besides, Heckyeahwoman ain't want this spinnin' on the living room turntable.

Self Defense Family - The Corrections Office in Me



Admittedly, I am a Patrick Kindlon fanboy (See above Drug Church jocking), if such a thing exists. From his interviews, to his albums, to maybe even his comics, everything this dude touches turns to gold. Except for probably women. Despite the fact that no End of a Year (former name) or Self Defense Family release sounds the same, I will enjoy anything they put out. Generally classified as "punk" or "DC style punk" or whatever, tight music, clever songwriting. And new album coming out in January! Digital streaming this three songer, will probably purchase when I pre-order the new SDF record.

The Bronx - IV



First they released the single, Ribcage, then they released Youth Wasted. Stupid catchy, if not radio-friendly punk rock, with emphasis on the rock. Not a stinker on this album. Matt Caughthran's vocals are so good, dude has got some chops. OK, and the band is pretty good at putting together a shitload of hooks and calling them songs, well-written songs. I own this album on CD and I don't regret it.

Woe - Withdrawal




After releasing Quietly, Undramatically in 2010, when Withdrawal was released, I was all like, 'how they gon' top that one?". Then they did. Not a fan of black metal really, but I do infrequently indulge, and if more bands were guilty of Withdrawal-level quality, I'd be the KVLTest dude around. Hear the seething rage in front man Chris Griggs' vocals; hear his desperation. But beyond the depraved emotion, dude brings in classic rock (?! OK, in one song) and punk rock influences to seamlessly meld with the intensely American black metal. Only bummer is that sometimes the vocals seem a little low in the mix, but their last album required a remix, so it's not a total surprise. Also of note is that I purchased this album digitally - much more immediate than ordering a CD, and way more accessible than having to never listen to the vinyl.

Volcano Choir - Repave



Chalk this one up to my wife - she loves this album, she plays the album a lot, I overhear it, I start to like it, we see them live, album is reinforced as being awesome, album makes my year end list. Think: Bon Iver gone manly (well, maybe gone male hipster that just got into ironic metal), Bon Iver gone Isis, Bon Iver gone electric. Think whatever you want, but just know this ish good. We don't yet own any copy of this album, just constantly revisited it through online streaming. Spoiler alert: I'll probably buy the vinyl for Heckyeahwoman for Xmas.

Surprising stuff I didn't even listen to:
Terror - Live by the Code - Dude, I'm still jamming Keepers of the Faith, how you trying to put out another album full of presumably hard ass songs of redemption, perseverance, working hard, being true, and other hardcore platitudes?
Integrity - Suicide Black Snake - Hard to get pumped about a new Integrity album with their entire back catalog being so awesome. New song I heard was awesome though.
Autopsy - The Headless Ritual - I think I gave one listen and didn't enjoy furiously, love Mental Funeral and Severed Survival. It got great reviews, I guess.
Carcass - Surgical Steel - The few listens I gave this were good. But I don't feel I spent enough time with it to actually include on the list.
*Dillinger Escape Plan - One of us is the Killer - Total stumper why I haven't listened to this. Option Paralysis was awesome, as were all releases prior. Huge blunder on my part. Been streaming this nonstop since I started this post. Crucial jams that should be towards the top of your year end list.
Gorguts - Colored Sands - Same thing as with the new Carcass, just not enough time.

From last year - had I done a year end list for 2012, these two would probably have been on it.
Strife - Witness a Rebirth - two minute hardcore anthems, classic yet modern Strife is back!
Maroon 5 - Overexposed - more like overproduced. You go from Hands All Over to this? Child please. Best songs on the new one are the bonus songs, one of which is a cover of Prince's Kiss.

So what did we learn here? I'm too old to give much of a shit about new music.


*This album is fucking awesome. I initially had it in the Surprising stuff section, but while writing this, listened furiously, and realize now that it belongs in my Best of 2013 section. Due to laziness, the band's entry here remains in the Surprising stuff section.