All this talk and blog posting about small weiners and big pickup trucks, got me thinking about yep, small weiners and big pickup trucks. But like, the backing-a-huge-pickup-truck-into-a-parking-spot thing, I'm curious if that's like the Jeep Wave, but for those with micro-peens.
It's like dogwhistling a "what's up" to a certain segment of the micro-peen population.
In what ways can other segments of the micro-peen population dogwhistle each other? Really makes ya wonder.
The other day I whipped out my pocket knife to cut open a box. My five year old noticed this, and asked, "Daddy, why do you always carry a knife?"
Because I am incapable of answering a question, and generally always do things wrong (have been for the last 40+ years), HeckYeahWoman jumped in and said something about how useful and handy it is to carry a knife.
As it turns out, that was not the complete answer. Yeah, my reason for carrying a knife is related to how useful it is, but for so much more than just opening a package. I like to think that it opens up opportunities too. I went on to explain my reasoning:
You see, whenever I am out and about in public, and if I have a couple extra minutes, heck sometimes I even make time, I like to pull the old "finger through the toilet paper" trick. And before she could ask what that "finger through the toilet paper" trick is, I explained. Check this out, if I have an extra couple minutes, I'll hop into a public restroom, go into a stall, get out my knife, and poke a tiny slit in each square of the already thin and cheap toilet paper. This will make it easy for the finger(s) of that toilet paper's user to burst through one or two squares, putting finger to butthole, the ultimate indecency when shitting in a public bathroom. I then meticulously roll up the slightly altered toilet paper, and place it back into the dispenser.
And what does my daughter say after this quick tutorial on being awesome? She said, "Papa, that's really clever; I want to do that when I am old enough to use a knife".
