A couple years back I met some friends in Menomonie, WI for a
winter bike race. It's a scavenger hunt, alleycat style bike race. You
get a list of addresses and you have to ride your bike to each one, do
something there, get a stamp, and then the first person back to the bar
with all the stamps, wins. The fun part is that you eventually have to
probably ride your bike across the hopefully frozen lake to get all the
stops in a semi-timely manner.This race is generally on the boozier side
of bike races I do. And it's about a 35 minute drive from my house.
Always a hoot.
That said, I like to drive over by myself, hit the RAW VEGAN RESTAURANT THERE TO FUEL UP FOR THE BIG RACE
BRO, have a coffee, and then meet up with the crew, the squad, the real ones ready to ride. Then I like to try
to get a bite after the race if I am coherent enough to drive or
whatever. Well what the hell does The Milf have to do with a boozey bike
race in Menomonie. More like MILF NOM NOM NOMenie. Read on.
I
went to the local wood fired pizza and brewery spot, called Lucette. I
heard people were stoked about it, and I had time so I stopped off for a bite. It was
pretty hoppin', so I was happy to get a seat at the bar. As luck would
have it, three stools opened up next to me right after I ordered a
beer. Oh, and who quickly grabbed the stool next to me? Take a guess.
Yep, "The Milf".
Not like porn-milf, not like Maitland Ward, not like Kayden Kross, not like Brittney O'Connell, not like Lisa Ann, not like Julia Ann, not like Xev Bellringer, not like Kit Mercer, Not like Cory Chase, not like, well you get the idea.
But still kinda like northwestern Wisconsin-milf.
Then
who quickly grabbed the other two stools? My guess is her husband and
teenage son. Right away she was really chatty.
"What are you drinking?" - This is pretty normal. It was a dark beer FYI.
"What did you order?" - Also pretty reasonable.
"Why are you by yourself?" - Kinda weird, considering the situation here.
"Are you wearing looooongjohns under those pants?" - Woah. But no I wasn't (it was a warm day in February!)
If
you know me at all, you probably know that I have a smallish streak of
vanity. I like to have my good looks appreciated and I guess my personality too. But it got to the point
where it was kinda awkward because her husband WAS RIGHT THERE. AND I
THINK HER SON TOO.
But then it GOT REALLY
WEIRD. Once her food came, she dug right in. Like DUG RIGHT IN, mid sentence, and robotically turned her head towards the pizza and started scarfing it. And this probably 45 year
old woman who was able to confidently flirt with a 35
year old dude in front of her family, would eat each piece of pizza up
until the crust, and put the uneaten crusts into a growing little pile
of crusts!
What the heck where did you learn this is OK.
Haven't seen anybody do that since my three year old last week.
