Thursday, December 6, 2012

dear dumb bitch

Having just read a bullshit article on facebook, I got pretty pissed, and decided to type a letter. So you can go ahead and read the article, and then my letter.

Dear Dumb Bitch,

First, I'd like to give my condolences for your son passing a couple years back. I am sorry that you, as a parent, lost a child. I am not sorry that you, as a parent, are no longer to blame for your poorly raised son shitting up the place. Fuck if he would have turned out merely half as fucked in the head as his mother (that's you), it would have been a disaster.

Dumb Bitch, you let your son go to college to become an aspiring rapper. Read that again. Your let your son go to college to become an aspiring rapper. Am I missing something? There is nothing college about rapping. There is nothing rap about colleging.

Dumb Bitch, you co-signed on student loans for your son, apparently unaware that a co-borrower is just as responsible for any debt incurred as the main borrower. That's why you had to cosign - homeboy didn't qualify for a loan by himself. But it's cool, the federal loans got forgiven upon his passing. Gone, great for both of you. Well, for you.

Unfortunately, the private loan didn't get forgiven. Here is what happened: you were looking to borrow some money, probably waited till the last minute so you didn't have time to properly shop around for a loan, most likely had some sort of deadline for tuition payment, so when you did somehow manage to qualify, you just snoozed through the closing.

So you totally missed the part where the sales consultant offered you life insurance, disability insurance, or unemployment insurance. You know, that shit that pays back the loan in the event of DEATH, disability, or shitcanning. And the most fucked up part is that all that stuff gets covered right away. So you fucking started the closing on snooze.

Or maybe you heard the consultant going through the insurance products and blew them off, thinking that it can't happen to you. Well that's the reason your were looking at a private loan in the first place - because those things do happen to you.

Lucky for her, local radio DJ slash philanthropist, Mr. Joyner came along and picked up the tab on her debt. It's nice to know that if I were in a similar predicament as the Edwards family, Mr. Joyner may actually help me out. If I weren't white. Minor details though.

Dumb Bitch, I am sorry about your son, truly very sad, but people like you are the reason this country is fucked. The good news is that it is not all for naught. No, your startling lack of personal responsibility and constant looking for ways to skirt accountability do serve a purpose; there has to be a bottom rung, somewhere to start - someone beneath someone.

In order for there to be haves, there must also be have-nots.

Respectfully,

heckyeahman.org