Wednesday, March 30, 2011

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: I SNOOZED ON THIS

I kept hearing about it.

People kept talking about it.

It was all over the internetz.

I meant to check it out.

But that's what happens when you're almost 30 and every day the internet is getting harder and harder to use as your vision slowly blurs and your hands succumb to rheumatoid arthritis.

Let's not make this PUMP UP about me slowly dying soon. Let's make this PUMP UP about getting PUMPED UP.

Anyway, a week or two ago, everybody was talking about that Australian kid who BODY SLAMMED some little twerp that was picking on him.

You've probably seen the video, and the twerp wasn't just picking on him, he was PUNCHING HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE. HOW'S THAT FOR AN UNPUMP? GETTING A KNUCKLE SANDWICH FOR LUNCH?

Well, it's like I always say: if you're going to be FORCEFED A KNUCKLE SANDWICH, you better wash it down with tall, cold glass of BODY SLAM THAT RAT-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER.

I LOVE IT WHEN KIDS GET HURT




SEND YOUR MID-WEEK DOLDRUM-ENDING PUMP INDUCING LEVELS THROUGH THE ROOF AS YOU WATCH THAT LITTLE FOCKER GET UP AND STUMBLE AROUND!

Now, believe it or not, I generally try to avoid violence...for the sole reason of keeping my moneymaker lookin' pretty. But I'm not against cheap shotting some goon that never learned what happens when you run your mouth to the wrong person.

Yeah, you hear that *****? That's what I thought.

Speaking of goons. The kid below is the bully. He should be BODY SLAMMED just for looking like that.

Everybody reading this right now - all 7 of you: look at the picture right below, then look in the closest available mirror, then call/text/email/skype/sext/fax your parents and thank them for not making you looking like that.













Not only does his face give me the impression that he's probably emaciated, it also gives me the impression that he HATES DENTISTS.

Also, Fergie called and she wants her eyebrow ring back, bro.

All we really needed for today's PUMP is a picture of that little turd and one sentence: YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT KID. GET PUMPED.

It's Wednesday/HUMP DAY, I'm feelin' PUMPY, the weather is getting warmer, hopefully you're not wearing pleated pants, go get some exercise, BODY SLAM THE SHIT OUT OF THE REST OF THE WEEK WITH A MASSIVE BONER.

*PUMP

Monday, March 28, 2011

more awesome commercials

I don't know, but am I the only one who finds this commercial hilarious?

Heckyeahwoman looks at me like I'm an idiot cause I laugh whenever the commercial comes on.

You decide:




There must be a Science after all! Here's another one!




ROFLFACTORY.

Friday, March 25, 2011

wal-mart, heck yeah

Maybe some of you heard what happened at a Wal-Mart, LIKE A YEAR AGO. Yeah, this one was buried in the HYM vaults. My bad.

Some idiot thought it would be a good idea to bust out some public racism: a douche used the public-address system at the Route 42 store in South Jersey and calmly announced: "Attention Wal-Mart customers, all black people leave the store now.''

Pretty disgusting, but it's interesting to see what happens, as this article unfolds: ignorance is met with ignorance. And besides, who would we be here at HYM if we couldn't find humor in the folly of others? Read on.

I found this particularly kinda maybe ok really disturbing: "I can't believe it in this day and age," one offended patron told the paper. "Wal-Mart needs to be more responsible."

Apparently the offended parties asked the store to use the same announcement system to apologize to customers that night, which it did. It could be argued that an apology is due, but what exactly is the store apologizing for? The behavior of one childish shopper?

I'm about 99% sure that the store didn't ask anybody to sneak onto the PA and say stupid things. Surely it's not Wal-Marts responsibility to waste resources FEROCIOUSLY guarding each of the PAs located around the store to make sure somebody doesn't say stupid things on one of them. I wonder how many times something like this has actually happened. Probably not that often.

Oh did some idiot say something stupid and make you feel bad? Cause I know some people in Libya that got MISSLES SHOT AT THEM FOR NO REASON last weekend, do you want Wal-Mart to apologize to them too? Or at least apologize to their charred corpses?

While the idea of some old 85 year old, senile guy sharing his thoughts on some rural Wal-Mart's PA system is pretty funny (actually really funny), probably the best reaction I think would be to just shake your head, mutter "what a fucking idiot" to yourself, and move on with your Wal-Mart shopping experience. And I have no idea if the offender is really old and senile or if "the incident" took place in rural area - I just assumed.

Turns out that the dude may have gotten what he wanted, as two of the crybaby patrons are now "boycotting the store".

Yeah, they're gonna show that racist asshole, that jerk that asked them to leave the store. They're gonna show him by...leaving the store. Stick it to him, ladies; boycott the shit out of the store that idiot doesn't want you to shop at.

You show whitey who the boss is by not going to the store he told you not to go to, and then going to a different store and paying higher prices...otherwise known as doing exactly what he wants. Heck yeah, show that guy.

I don't blame the dude for telling you to leave; I wish it were that easy to rid every place of unsavory, idiot characters.

One offended boycotter had this to say: "In 2010, I want to know why such statements are being made because it flies in the face of what we teach them [our kids] at home..." said the boycotter.

It remains unclear whether they are teaching their kids that racism is bad, that it doesn't matter who, just find someone to blame, or a combination of both. What is clear i

Anyway, I'm in Chicago right now, staying in a sweet hotel, partying like woah. Sup. Maybe I'll see Jay Cutler and get his autograph lol.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: AWESOME ALBUM SPOTLIGHT

The cool thing is, most of you have no idea who this band is, or how awesome they are. In fact, most of you probably don't even care. I would venture a guess that maybe less than 10% of the readership has no idea what an "Agents of Man" is. To that, there's only one thing to say.

"sup"

Agents of Man's "Count Your Blessings" is one of those albums where the second you hear the first note, you know it's going to be awesome.

The vocalist is awesome. Not in a Chamberlain-aped Gaslight Anthem sense, where he's BLATANTLY RIPPING OFF DAVID MOORE AND IS CLEARLY AN INFERIOR SINGER AND LYRICIST, but in the sense that "this is a hardcore record, what the fuck do you want, Frank Sinatra shit?" He's shows a great range on the record, and was fantastic live.

Most people poo-poo on the band because of their tough aura. Yeah, the music is hard, but it's also REALLY GOOD. And hard as hell.





Yo if that's what prison is like, sign me up! It's funny, I've mentioned multiple times to Heckyeahwoman that I should go to jail or join the army just to toughen myself up a bit. She laughs it off, but I don't know, that would definitely harden me up.

And yeah, I could use it. See, the first step to being hard is realizing that you're not the hardest. That doesn't mean not acting like it, it just means realizing that in the grand scheme of things, you're just a pussy. A FUCKING PUSSY.

This is the first song off the album. If you're not PUMPED, you're probably jamming out to Yanni: Live at the ACROPOPOPADAPOLIS.

Besides, you ever seen a band PUMP YOU UP SO HARD IN FRONT OF A WHITE SCREEN? SICK.




PUMPED HARD RIGHT NOW.

Maybe I haven't convinced you that "Count Your Blessings" is a fantastic album, but I bet I convinced you to not bother checking out Friday's post lol.

Believe it or not, but that last video is exactly what HUMP DAY PUMP UP is about: even when it doesn't matter, you gotta keep your PUMP ON. Those guys are rocking out so hard, in front of a crappy white screen, just to make a lousy music video...that is of them rocking out so hard, in front of a white screen, in a music video.

You think they're doing that for their healthz? Nah, they're doing it for the PUMP. No matter what it is: closing a big sale at work, writing your thesis, or blasting your neighbor's wife - you gotta bring your A game. And the only way to do that is to be PUMPED.


Could be worse:




And I know I'm like a week late on this, but dude, GET PUMPED.

Monday, March 21, 2011

plans for friday night

What are you doing tonight man? What is your wife making you do?

We have plans tonight.

What plans did she make for you?

Our friends are having us over for dinner, taco night. Should be fun.

That's lame, why would your wife make you do that?

It was a mutual decision, at which we arrived after much deliberation.

So she made you do it.

Nah, we just usually party with our friends at least one weekend night.

That sounds really gay.

Yeah, I'm actually pretty bummed about having to hang out with my wife tonight. I don't know what I've been thinking for the last nine-plus years. I guess next time I meet an awesome hot chick that rules, amid a sea of slores, I'll just blow her off, instead of marrying her/marking her as my property.

She's still making you go to the dinner party though.

I guess. Totally hate when she makes me hang out with friends, eat tacos, socialize, party, and get loaded. Sucks, bro.

Do you think your friends would mind if I came along too? I don't have anything going on tonight.

I know you don't. Later bro.



This post was inspired by an actual conversation I had.

Friday, March 18, 2011

bullying 2.0

So PUMPED from HUMP DAY'S PUMP UP, that we gotta keep the PUMP GOING INTO THE WEEKEND.

So check this out, I almost got a swirlie one time.

Walking to my first class after lunch by myself, I was gonna swing by my locker and grab my books. Had a little interruption though haha.

From out of nowhere, I get grabbed from behind again, by another bigger, more bad ass bully. We were in 8th grade and dude already had sideburns and a little dirty-sanchez mustache. So he grabs me, takes me into the men's room, and we're followed by one of his followers, a little piece of shit wannabe gangster who was rumoured to have brought a gun to school lol.

Weirdly, after we get in the men's room, dude just lets go of me, and kind of uses his body to force me into a stall. The little guy says something about giving me a swirlie. Now I think that is a horrible idea, but my opinion may have been slightly biased.

So they're staring me down, slowly creeping on me, laughing about a swirlie, when all of a sudden a third dude busts into the bathroom, announcing himself by yelling, "haha yeah let's give him a swirlie!". Maybe he was running a little late for the party, because he was slightly out of breath, like the other two started the fun without him lol.

Anyway, as dude tried to get in on the action, squeezed his way into the already crowded stall, and the minute his face poked through, he recognized me - we had a couple classes together that semester, and sat by each other, talking about punk bands. Well, punk bands to an 8th grader in 1995: Nirvana, Green Day and The Offspring lol.

He says, "hey heckyeahman, get outta there man, we're not givin' you a swirlie". Then he tells his friends, "this guy's cool". That's right, shitheads.

You could see the disappointment on the other dudes' faces as they begrudgingly let me walk by. As I walk out, feeling a lot better, dude pats me on the back, "sorry man, didn't know you were in there".

A month or two later, that dude would go on to kill himself. I wonder if he ever wound up giving anybody else a swirlie.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: ANIMAL REVENGE!

Very few things PUMP ME UP more than when I hear about ANIMALS KILLING PEOPLE.

Pitbulls in the nursery? PUMP
PUSSY Bullfighters getting GORED by bulls? FUCKING HUGE PUMP YOU PUSSIES
The Democratic convention getting trampled by a GIGANTIC HERD OF SHEEP? MOST IRONIC PUMP EVER
Siegfried or Roy (I can't remember/don't care) getting MAULED BY A LION OR TIGER (see previous parentheses)? HAHA PUMP TO THE MAX

You get the picture. When people are getting harmed by animals, that's something I want to see.

I used to hunt when I was a kid, don't anymore, but my dad taught my brother and I to respect the meat (RESPECT THE MEAT, SON), and to only kill what you're going to eat. How I made the jump from being a respectful hunter, to a sadistic, torture-porn-animals-destroying-humans kinda guy, I'm not sure. But I won't put that on my dad.

LET'S GET TO THE PUMP!

Just read a story about some cockfighting scumbag getting killed by one of the roosters he attached a razor to.

WAIT WHAT?

Yeah, dude attached a razor to a rooster for a cockfight, and that plan backfired, cause it wound up being the death of him! What an idiot!

I wonder what his parents think lol!

Damn, lookit that thing!




















BR(((0)))(((0)))TAL

Yes watch as this goofball annoys the shit out of a HUGE, ANGRY ALLIGATOR, then act all surprised when it CHOMPS DOWN ON HIS WRIST AND DOES THE DEATH ROLL!





Watch the end, right before they cut away from the dude getting his arm NOMMED on. Look at how his arm is BENT & BROKEN in that split second before they cut away. SO PUMPED LOL.

WHERE THE TUNES AT? RIGHT BELOW:



GET MILITANT, GET PUMPED.

TREAT THE REST OF THIS WEEK THE SAME WAY THE ANIMAL LIBERATION FRONT WOULD TREAT A VIVISECTION LAB - BLOW IT THE FUCK UP, BRO.

Monday, March 14, 2011

bullying

Have you noticed the insanity in the media about bullying. All kinds of celebrities are coming out saying they're against bullying. Experts everywhere are speaking out against brutal cyber-bullying. Parents are all in a dither because some group of kids made fun of their precious child.

NO SHIT. ALMOST EVERYBODY IS AGAINST BULLIES. NOBODY WANTS TO BE PUSHED AROUND.

People are such pussies nowadays.

Are you getting harassing instant messages? Is someone talking shit about you on facebook? GET OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER AND GO GET SOME EXERCISE, YOU FAT FUCK.

I bet nobody would be talking shit if you got off your lazy ass, got into a sweet workout schedule and laid pipe like crazy - just like the rest of us.

People are acting like cyber-bullying is some sort of new phenomenon; it's a just a new way for assholes to be assholes. From the good old days when you had to send a disparaging note by way of the Pony Express, to dipshits freaking out over being called a virgin on facebook, to the future where the minute you think dreadful thoughts, the object of your hatred will get telepathically electrocuted, there will always be somebody tougher than you.

End of story.

There will always be somebody smarter, better looking, tougher, cooler, more of a dick, angrier, more clever and more bad ass than you. Get used to it.

You will fail, fuck up, screw yourself, make mistakes, not try hard enough and maybe sometimes you won't even do anything wrong at all. And once in a while somebody will be there to give you shit about it.

It's a tragedy when somebody commits suicide, but I always thought the reason I was gonna commit suicide was because I just figured somebody would eventually figure out that I'm really just a fuckup, parading around as Science's gift to women.

Goddamnit, I was a skinny little shit in the prime-bullying years: 4th through 9th grade. And even worse, I was a fucking nerd. That's right, your boy didn't blossom till like 11th grade. All of a sudden I got great hair, started plowing lots of chicks and got into working out.

Yeah, I know right, so hard to believe. Now you can't touch me.

Did I get bullied? Fuck yeah I did. Throughout like 4th - 7th grade, this fat kid would try to torment me. He'd pick on me, I'd push him back, and the cycle would continue. Then in 7th grade I made the mistake of telling my parents I was probably going to get in a fight if I saw that douche again.

They took that as I was being bullied, called the school, called the kid's parents, and made everything worse. Lol yeah, I was that kid for a while.

He made fun of me some more; my friends reminded me (and him) what a douche he was, and by the time 8th grade rolled around, he had totally disappeared. Seriously, I have no idea what happened to him. So yeah, no epic story of a 7th grade assbeating.

Worth noting: one time when we were fighting/wrestling, I wiped a good finger-full of boogers in his eye lol.

It's funny, every time I go back to my hometown, I always hope to see him at the bar, or at the mall, or at Shopko. Not sure what I'd do, if I'd give him my trademark "smirk of disgust", cold clock him or just point and laugh.

Then one time in 8th grade in between periods, I was walking to science class and fell victim to a drive-by-bullying. I remember one of the dirtballs, a known bad ass that you don't want to fuck with, totally came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, picked me up and ran with me for about half the length of a hallway. It was weird, I've always been kind of ticklish, and the way he had me, he was unintentionally tickling the shit out of my sides. So I'm being carried around by this dipshit, laughing while squirming lol.

Funny thing was, he was actually in my science class...the one I was walking to. Never said a word to me again lol. Hot chick I sat next to saw the whole thing. She even commented about what a good sport I was - laughing and all. Told her how it tickled and she got a light ROFL.

Yeah, a light ROFL...before ROFLing even existed.

Stay tuned, cause after the HDPU on HUMP DAY, you can read Bullying 2.0. I'll tell you about the time I almost got a swirlie!

Friday, March 11, 2011

haha funny commercial

Watching The Office most weeknights at 11:00 pm, we noticed there are definitely a couple commercials that get regular rotation. But one of them left an impression on us. A good impression.

The following commercial is now in the running for THE BEST COMMERCIAL EVER. Though it would be tough to unseat this one, or this one, or these.

Just try watching at 0:23 when the purple guy does the crazy full-body shake. I have no idea why it was choreographed that way, but it's HILARIOUS.

Must have watched those two seconds twenty five times over the last couple nights.






Why a commercial obviously directed at very young children would be playing on TV past their bedtime is beyond me.

Watch the video a couple times, ROFL furiously, and do something really stupid this weekend.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: FINISH HIM!

First things first, I'm typing this up Monday night, as The Bachelor reunion is on TV. The following quote just came from the host of the show, holy lol: "Ashley, why don't you come on down. You were part of one of the most stunningly worst dates that have ever gone wrong...in the history of the show".

Holy lol. He could have just said, "Ashley, come on down, you fuck up!" She wasn't even that hot.

Ok sorry about that, back to the regularly scheduled PUMP. Don't quite remember where this idea for the PUMP came from, but it's here, we're not stoppin' it, and fuck, this week is almost half over, which is better than it just starting.

My brother and I spent hours playing Mortal Kombat as kids. It was awesome. And violent. And no other video games were doing the violent death misogyny abusing women thing like Mortal Kombat. Ok they weren't really, but it would be sweet if they were.

Think about who you'd love to uppercut into a ceiling full of huge SPIKES. I had 15 people in mind before I even finished typing this.

















And worse, I actually uppercutted 12 of those people into a ceiling full of huge SPIKES before I finished typing this!

Hey man, that's what the PUMP'LL DO TO YA!

Ever feel like you show up to work, and it's Monday morning, and you're like "aw fuck this, I need to transport to another dimension and just electrocute the shit outta some chump till his head explodes, while wearing a sick rice paddy hat?" Does that ever happen to you?

CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO!




Heck yeah, Rayden whacked off so furiously that the friction caused the potential energy in his hands to shoot out in the form of lightning bolts at the unsuspecting, unPUMPED dude.

Totally unrelated: Check out this SICK pair of shoes I got from Zappos. Big thank you for Heckyeahsisterinlaw for the gift certificate. Only took 3 tries to get the right size of the right shoe. ZAPPOS SHOE PUMP!

















SHOES? HOW YOU GONNA LET A SHOE PUMP YOU UP?

It's actually two (2) shoes, dickhead. Whatever, check this out:





I have no idea why that text is all hyperlinked, but I'm too PUMPED TO CARE.


Monday, March 7, 2011

misleading headline

Every morning when I get to work I fire up MSN Messenger so I can IM all three of my friends when I get bored.

It's cool, after every successful login, a little MSN Today window pops up. It's like a nice abbreviated version of the msn.com homepage - chock full of brain-draining news and articles. Now the aware reader will ask him or herself "what the hell are you doing reading msn, when you've professed many times how you HATE KEITH OLBERMANN ?"

Hey man, sometimes I just want to kill some brain cells. Besides, last I read, Keith Uberturdd was going to start his own "news" channel or something lol, cause he got SHITCANNED from MSN heck yeah.

Anyway, last week one particular headline caught my attention: Glock Mishaps hit Ala Kin.

Don't know about you (don't care either), but the title suggests that the gun malfunctioned, injuring a family of hillbillies. Seems fair, right? Yeah, that's not what really happened at all.

For lols, read the first sentence of the article: "A small child accidentally shot his mother Saturday night after finding the gun by the side of his injured father — who had just accidentally shot himself, the Baldwin County Sheriff's Office said. "

LOL!

Turns out, the dad had the gun in his glove compartment, took it out, and was bringing it inside with him, after arriving at home from work. After tripping, he fell and the gun discharged. For those of you that don't know, guns can only discharge if there is a round in the chamber. Further, really the best (only) way for that round in the chamber to be discharged is for the trigger to be pulled. Finally, when pulling the trigger, the gun won't fire if the safety is on.

This means one of two things happened:

1. Obviously a purple dragon swooped down from the heavens, took the gun out of homeboy's glove compartment, shot dude in the leg, placed the gun at the scene there, brainwashed the guy into thinking he accidentally shot himself, and disappeared before the rest of the family could check out the commotion.

OR

2. More likely, the guy kept a round chambered, the safety off, and walked with the gun in his hand, potentially ready for action (into his home where his wife and two small children were), with his finger on the trigger. WITH HIS FINGER ON THE FUCKING TRIGGER WITH THE SAFETY OFF. Read that again.

Which scenario do you think is more likely? Not sure, go ask your pastor and get back to me, but I'm going with number two.

I'm so torn when I read stories like this. First, I'm really excited and thrilled to hear that absolute dipshits like that are getting shot. Love hearing stores about idiots shooting themselves. For sure, it would have been a tragedy if one of the kids had been shot, but do you think it would really be that bad if the entire family were removed from the gene pool? I don't think so.

But on the other hand, this is the reason why crybaby no-nothing dipshits that are scared of their own shadow are advocating for stricter gun control. Maybe advocating for strict gun education would be a wiser move. Though it is worth noting that "wise" and "gun control" generally don't appear in the same sentence. Besides, as most people know, actually it seems that many don't, if you want to get your grubby little woman-hands on a gun, no gun control law is going to stop you.

Truly a paradox.

Having grown up around guns my entire life, well except for my college years when my dad was smart enough to ignore my repeated pleas to let me store my guns at my place lol. But that's the thing, I'm in a position to mock people like the ones in the story because gun safety was hammered into my head pretty much from the day I was born.

Maybe my dad summed gun safety up best when he said: "if I catch either you or your brother pointing the gun in an unsafe direction or pulling any shenanigans with firearms, I'm going to take this Winchester and fill you both fulla lead".

25 years later, my brother and I are two of the safest dudes with firearms. Except of course when we're drinking and the guns come out. But we "usually" remember to unload them. Most of the time.

More appropriate title: FUCKING IDIOT REDNECKS SHOOT THEMSELVES AND IT WAS AWESOME

Friday, March 4, 2011

the frat house

Dude.

I'm getting old. Don't believe me? Read this quick little story.

So I've been listening to punk rock and hardcore and punk rock over fifteen years now. Do I love it? Nah. Do I live it? Not really. But in general it does PUMP ME UP. I was giving Gorilla Biscuits CDs as Christmas presents back when you thought MxPx was the best punk band ever.

At a show, often times the crowd is made up of people just like me - normal dudes you wouldn't call punkers, but still enjoying the music we grew up listening to, a night out at a show, and having a couple cold ones.

Not the case at the last one I went to, lots of kids. Part of the problem is because the show was in a frat house. Though I did have a couple cold ones, some shots and a couple lines off the toilet seat in the bathroom, so my memory is kinda blurry.

But yeah, you read that right; I went to a metal show in a frat house. Cool thing, Ann Arbor actually has a venue called the Metal Frat. And it's a legit frat - Sigma Something. House was sick too. Though towards the end of the night, I was pretty loaded, wandering around, looking for the turlet cause I couldn't quite remember where it was, and one of the brothers asked me, "What are you DOING?"

"Just lookin' to pinch one quick, bro(ther)."

My friend's band was having their record release show, and they were great. The album SMOKES. Again though, living in a college town, and the show being at a frat house, you're gonna have a younger crowd.

How young?

I swear some kids were 15 or 16. Then I swear there were some 40+ year old weirdos too.

Anyway, it was like right before the last band of the night and my buddy and I needed more beers, so we went to the bar (yes the frat house has a bar!)...to get another couple brews. Waiting in line, I was texting my wife (not sure if the younger patrons there knew what a "wife" is yet), and my buddy was just chillin', waitin' his turn.

After looking up from my phone, I see a chick talking to my buddy as he's getting a beer. I go and grab my beer and join the conversation, which has now turned into two chicks and my friend. Despite that's how porno movies sometimes start, not the case here, read on.

Wait a second, how old are these chicks? Literally they must have been 16, no kidding.

That's kinda weird. I can't even remember the last time I talked to a 16 year old lol.

So I finally arrive to the convo, say my what's ups, they talk for a second, I think about soccer (lol weirdos), and all of a sudden the girl on the left yells "OMG HOW OLD ARE YOU GUYS?!?!?!"

She grabs her friend violently by the arm and shouts "OMG LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!!!"

My buddy and I look at each other and break out in furious laughter, thinking the same thing: we're gonna have a great story to tell Monday morning at work.

So funny, we laughed so hard for like five minutes. Also kind of depressing lol.

Takeaway 1: lol we're getting old.

Takeaway 2: Idol and the Whip is awesome. GRASSCUTTTTTTER

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: PULLEY

SCIENTIFIC FACT 1: 90'S MUSIC IS SUPERIOR TO ANY OTHER DECADE OF MUSIC.

That especially applies to punk rock and hardcore. And grunge, and alternative rock, and hip hop lol, But today we're going to talk a little bit about 90's punk. And by talk a little bit, I mean use it as a vehicle to deliver the PUMP. A needle to the vein, injecting a lethal dose of PUMP into your ordinarily crappy life.

SCIENTIFIC FACT 2: YOU ARE WEIRD. But we won't let that stop you from getting PUMPED.

With that out of the way, let's get on with the PUMP! Today's PUMP is brought to you by an often overlooked punk band, Pulley. Yes, the name is horrible - I have no idea if they have some sort of meaning behind it or what, but I don't care.

Why don't I care?

Because they featured a major league baseball player in the band! And he was actually good too! At baseball, even!

Love this song. Reminds me of what Strung Out would sound like if they were more straight forward punk, weren't as talented as they are, but were still awesome.




OK, seriously horrible band name, pretty horrible lyrics on this next one, but when I'm cruisin' the ave/lurkin' slores on campus, this is the jam I need, dawg. And guess what! This is the jam you need too!

Can't really identify with their dog's life thing, but what I can identify with is being so PUMPED that sometimes I do crazy things (like seriously write a poorly written song about a dog's life). Oh wow, I just got the pre-PUMP bowel rumbles, oh jeez!




And when I get sick of workin' for the man, I crank this joint. This happens at least once an hour. While yeah, I guess I am a working class whore, aren't we all?

I bought this album shortly after it was released, like 12 years ago (had to have, for it to have come out in the 90's!), after hearing it at a friend's house. Totally enjoyed it then. But after buying it, bringing it home, thinking "meh", it got shelved for a couple years.

Busted it out a couple years later, and realized that it's a genuinely awesome album.

LISTEN TO THIS SONG, TAKE IN THE CATCHINESS, REALIZE THAT EVEN THOUGH YOUR LIFE IS SHITTY COMPARED TO MINE, IT COULD STILL BE A LOT WORSE AND YOU COULD PROBABLY LOSE 10-15 LBS.





See? The 90's really were awesome!

And don't think for one second that there won't be a "LIFE ON A PLATE" CLASSIC ALBUM PUMP COMING UP IN THE NEAR FUTURE! Stay PUMPED.