a restaurant review

Last Thursday night Heckyeahwoman and I tried Bug Eyed Betty's Half Moon Saloon, a newer restaurant here in Eau Claire.

In May 04, when I was just leaving college, we had a graduation lunch at Boston's, as it was newly opened (and built). Pretty decent food. Then eight years later when we moved back to Eau Claire, Boston's had become Broadway's Pizza. As Broadway's was usually at least semi-full, I was surprised to see that place was gone and it is now Bug Eyed Betty's.

We like trying new restaurants, and that combined with a few positive things I've heard on facebook, we decided to give it a try.

The night started out like any other: with cold beer. So that was good.

The menu looked pretty interesting. I went with a burger that allegedly had kimchi on it, along with spicy pickles, and pork belly, cooked medium; I was PUMPED. Heckyeahwoman went with a burger that had pulled pork. While we were thinking similar things, both ordering burgers, we soon hit a fork in the road when she went with the plain french fries, and I coughed up the buck fifty to upgrade to GARLIC FRIES! HECK YEAH!

Despite the restaurant being less than a third full, we still waited a good half hour for our food. Not to sound all 'Merican, but that seems a little long. Nevertheless, when you're in public with a 10/10 total #SmartBabe, you don't complain about being seen in public with that 10/10 total #SmartBabe. So we waited.

Then the food arrived.

The fries had that gilded deep fried appearance that induces the NOMs, with tiny minced chunks of garlic hanging for dear life onto each individual fry. Not to mention the deliciously visible garlic sauce that ignited my inner hunger so furiously. They truly looked amazing. A quick taste proved me dead wrong as they were simply, "meh".

We traded a couple fries, and surprisingly, Heckyeahwoman's were better. As a french fry connoisseur, I know a good goddamn french fry, and these garlic-flavored shits weren't it.

Time for the main course - burgers!

That first delicous bite was inches from my face, a mere weiner-length; I could taste it! And there it is, CRUNCH(!), the surprisingly, super bummer of a first bite: this burger is waaayyyy well done. CHARRED AS FUCK. The pork belly might as well have been a thin strip of charcoal. My burger was a hockey puck turd of a patty. Now there was a time in my life when I would have appreciated the broilerdude killin' my meat, but those times have long since passed.

And the kimchi? THE FUCKING KIMCHI? It was pickled pink shit. I don't know what the pink shit was or is, but every time I've had kimchi, it has never looked or tasted like pickled pink shit. Shoot, when I was in my mid-40s, I lived in Korea, and had I tried to pass this off as anything other than pickled pink shit, they woulda lynched me. Nice bait and switch there.

In case you're wondering, I ate half my burger and fries there, then brought the rest home for dinner the next night. Heckyeahwoman's meal was pretty great - her burger was prepared correctly. The pork was juicy and flavorful and the burger itself wasn't way overcooked.

But what really gets my goat here, what really chaps my ass is the service. Our waiter came over twice (2 times) to check on our food, and somebody else came over again, and all three (3) times we were asked about the food, and every time I looked him in the eye, and gave him a bummed out "eh, it's OK".

And all three (3) times both dudes got huge smiles on their faces, and replied with a super-PUMPED, "AWESOME!"

Again, hate to sound all 'Merican, but mediocre is not awesome.

I can't wait to try the next restaurant at this location in six months.

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: SUPER HEAVY PUMP UP

Yo it's not even nine in the aye em and I am straight prairie-dogging like a boss.

Not a PUMPY way to start the day, but you know what? The PUMP will get me through. #RealTalk

That said, I went on an awesome two and a half week trip, by plane and train, to Arizona, Colorado, Chicago, and back. Maybe we'll have a little write up on that soon. But not today. Nah, today is all about the PUMP. Not that the trip wasn't PUMPY, it was, but lettuce let tradition dictate how we receive the PUMP UP, and it's gotta be with PUMPY JAMS.

This first PUMPJAM comes to you from the fine people in a band called Martyr AD. It's so heavy and brutal that this low end got my bowels a-rumblin'.





Man, it's finally for real summer, and fun stuff is getting planned like cray. Not to mention that the last I've heard of this Donald Sterling nonsense is just from seeing my last post when I logged into MY BLOG to post this PUMP UP.

This weekend Heckyeahwoman is heading out of town for a couple days, and the only good that will come out of that is her not seeing my embarrassing, but temporary, descent into a buffalo wing-gobbling, biking, unshowered, whiskey drinking weekend warrior shithead. But when she gets back, we have fun stuff going on for the foreseeable future.

Kicking off that foreseeable future is this fast paced brutal JAM of PUMP:




Coming up in mid-June is our wedding anniversary! That should (and will be) a HUMP DAY PUMP UP all to itself. Somehow convincing a total babe to marry me (and stay married to me) will forever be my crowning LIFEPUMP achievement.

Then that weekend a bunch of friends are coming into town for a weekend full of debauchary.

After that, there is a huge local bike race, and that should be a blast. Probably won't be racing, will be busy as PUMP making sure it is awesome for everybody. Funny, I was the race director for a local snowbike and snowshoe race in February, and while I was totally dreading it, it would up being an absolute blast.

After that, we're heading to Michigan for a long weekend of fuckin' freedom and booze.

After that, Minneapolis, here we come as the Rays are coming to town to FUCKING DESTROY THE SHITHEAD VIKINGS/TWINKS WHATEVER.

After that, I turn like 47.

Somewhere in there we'll sneak in a nice dinner on the lake - an awesome gift from my Dad and Stepmom.

We may even try to sneak in a trip to New York City and Boston. Note that as an uncultured rube, I don't believe in big cities or metropolitan areas.





Dogg I got a haircut appointment this Saturday to get that crucial summer cut. Just ordered some sick road bike tires. Gonna throw them shits on my cross bike and ride around all slow and better looking than you. Currently rocking a tight polo right now. And I'm jamming the shit outta Blink-182's Enema of the State - after of course jamming the above PUMPJAMS.

Right now I need you to do this: mainline dark coffee and get PUMPED

you idiots

In a recent poll, reported on by ESPN, Donald Sterling is the most hated American. Yes, that's right, a man who got tricked into saying stupid things on tape was ranked as the most hated man in America.

A person with a functioning brain would realize that Mr. Sterling's honor here is not a tragic indictment of a perceived state of poor race relations in the United States, but a confirmation that America, as a whole, is fucked.

Mr. Sterling himself is somewhat an enigma: he makes unsavory comments about nonwhites, but then repeatedly donates shitloads of money to nonwhite causes, such as the NAACP...which, I think we can all agree is generally more racist than a senile, old white dickhead. Aside from the act of blatantly discriminating against white people, any association or group, built on the foundation of "helping" a certain segment - based on skin color, while excluding another segment - based on skin color, well, that's the definition of racism, innit?

But we're not here to talk about the evils of the NAACP; we're here to share our disbelief over this poll.

To recap, Donald Sterling is the most hated man in America. Of the top 10, eight are famous through pop culture or sports, while one of the remaining two is a thief, and the other is scandal-prone scum.

Look at the list:

1	Donald Sterling	92
2	Bernie Madoff	90
T3	OJ Simpson	88
T3	Conrad Murray	88
5	Justin Bieber	86
6	Phil Spector	83
7	Aaron Hernandez	81
8	Michael Lohan	76
9	Eliot Spitzer	73
10	Jon Gosselin	71

From that list, most sane people would agree that Aaron Hernandez is associated with the most heinous acts - murdering multiple people. Note that he's charged, not convicted, so time will tell.

Conrad Murray was convicted of involuntary manslaughter, and Phil Spector was convicted of murder. Outside of that, we're left with crooks, scum, and at the very best, shitheads. If you think merely being a shithead is enough to incur the hate of 92% of those polled, you'll be in for a very big surprise when you turn 19 or have to face reality.*

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think these activities are worse than saying racist things:
- killing people
- raping people
- ordering missiles to be shot at women and children (and dudes, I guess)
- war
- stealing from people
- being an asshole
- being a Kanye West or Imagine Dragons fan

It's funny, the list is telling not just in its portrait of cultural blasphemy, which shapes up to be more of a caricature, but that apparently people still think about Jon Gosselin. America, you just keep getting worse.


*whichever comes first

**UPDATE**

ESPN is now reporting that a sale of the LA Clippers franchise is close to being completed, and being pushed through by Sterling's somewhat estranged, but still part-owner wife, Shelly. The article mentions that Mr. Sterling is "mentally incapacitated" and "has dementia", as part of the reason why Shelly is able to push through the quick sale without much resistance from Mr. Sterling himself.

I don't know what forced reappropriation of propety totally means, but that sounds like an applicable term here.

Worse, Donald Sterling is apparently suffering from serious mental illness, and considering what is happening to the old fart, in a nation and society obsessed with diagnosing away excuses,  let that sink in.

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: START TODAY!

It's been a minute since the last HDPU. And that's not right. We're here to remedy that. See the below sick spread of PUMPJAMS.

You ever read the news? Probably not, you illiterate bastard, but that's why you're here. So here's a quick recrap of the last week: an NBA owner reconfirmed his asshole status with an unbelievable racist rant, some of those offended offered up responses that in some weird way justify that idiot's views (we're looking at you Snoop Lion/Dogg).

So yeah, it was a bad time to be PUMPED.

Let's change that!

Donald Sterling, you should know better than sharing your shitty views with the world. On audiotape, no less.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE THINGS WE SAY! A CUTTING WORD CAN RUIN DAYS!





Look at that badass live-action cover shot. If that's not enough to get you PUMPED RIGHT NOW, then y'all better listen again.

Real quick though Donald, I GUESS IT'S YOUR RIGHT TO BE PROUD THAT YOU'RE WHITE, but let me ask you this, ARE YOU HERE FOR THE MUSIC, OR JUST TO PICK FIGHTS!?





In non-basketball news, the Brewers are off to the best start in baseball ever! If they keep up the streak, they'll go 162-0! The only undefeated team in the history of professional sports. We're already looking forward to the post season, and most pundits have the Crew winning the championship over the Vikings.

(Eat shit, Vikings fans)

Sadly, the Rays are sucking it up, which is totes unPUMPY, but my son is an adorable ball of orange fuzz that purrs a lot, and well, MY TRUE COMPASSION IS FOR ALL LIVING THINGS NOT JUST THOSE THAT ARE CUTE.

That's not totally true.






Quick little work story here. I had my one-year review last week. Killed it. BAM. As the company grows, they asked me about changing my title to better reflect what I do, yeah whatevs, just gotta keep it baller. So I shot over a list of like twelve possible titles I could live with.

Among the declined:
PUMP Director
Director of the PUMP
Client PUMP Strategist
PING PONG CHING CHONG PUMPMASTER
Grandmother with AIDS
Curator of THE PUMP

We settled on Business Development Manager

If there's one thing you walk away with this morning, slam a shot of coffee and GO FINISH THAT GODDAMN WORK PROJECT YOU'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF! LET'S START TODAY!

how dare you wait!

You've probably by now heard of the Cliven Bundy cattle ranching stuff going on out west. Oh, you haven't? Here.

Basically, the dude is revealing himself as a total turd, but worse, the government is apparently being the government and stealing and killing stuff. Really, we have two undeniable truths arising from the situation. The first, and we already knew this, the government is full of crooks and criminals. The second, as we are learning, Cliven has a stupid name and is a dipshit.

Because all Republicans are racist and want to furiously genocide anything nonwhite, Rand Paul waited, what the Democratic National Committee is claiming, a full twelve hours(!) before condemning Cliven's rant.

Note because this will be published on the internets that we are using racist as a substitution for ignorant, because, well, because the internets.

Either way, Cliven's utterance was stupid.

But, never MENSA/probable NAMBLA member Mo Elleithee, communications director for the DNC, was somehow worse. See, he condemned Rand Paul for waiting twelve hours to condemn Cliven remarks about blacks. When asked for his comment about his savior/boss ordering drone missiles right into the belly of brown children overseas, Mo had no comment.

As an employee of the Democratic Party, Mo is required to not understand economics, politics, common sense, logic, philosophy, science, fairness, anything, or math. While a prerequisite to be a Republican seems to be the previously mentioned unqualities, the prequisite to be a Democrat seems to be those listed unqualities, AND being really loud and obnoxious about it.

For the future, all Senators from Kentucky need to remember to pay attention to every inbred asshole in the country, and what they're saying in the news. And act immediately. Because if you wait an alleged full twelve hours before condemning statements made by assholes, then you yourself are an asshole, to a bunch of assholes. 

Wrap your head around that one.

*Quick shout out to the scum over at Politico for a surprisingly fair title to their article linked above.

Hey Rand, where's your anger, where's your fuckin' rage?

Guess I Spoke Too Soon

Remember when we talked about how awesome Richard Sherman is? Yeah, guess I was kinda wrong.

He's a professional athlete. It's not his job to be wise, intelligent, or worldly. All he's gotta do is play football at a high level. And with the Eagles recently releasing Desean Jackson, Sherman took to his pen to play the race card.

Note that the Eagles have never publicly said a word about the move, which I think we can all agree is the right thing to do.

Because of the team's silence, and because it is the NFL offseason, there's a lot of speculation about the team's motives: from Jackson's potential gang ties to him being a (well-documented) high-maintenance, me-first player, to being too high of a salary cap hit, to the possibility that new coach Chip Kelly might be an arrogant asshole and doesn't have the patience to deal with an immature, yet talented fuck like Jackson -most likely it's some combination of all four, and other stuff.

But dude is coming off a year of season-high stats.

As you read Sherman's piece, you might notice his comparison to Riley Cooper's drunken utterance of the n-word. Going forward, this will be the default comparison for whenever something not completely understood happens to a black athlete.

I may never understand a culture that views fighting dogs and acting like a criminal as no worse than saying something really stupid when drinking. Maybe it's because I'm racist. Also lol @ implying that Cooper was rewarded for his stupidity with a nice contract. Likely, Cooper's solid showing this season, his "grinding through adversity", as Sherman says, when the number two receiver went down, is what got that nice contract.

Though it may be naive to assume that a free agent wrapping up a stellar season on a rookie contract deserves to get rewarded with a raise, you know, just because it's been happening since the NFL started.

With his fair and balanced analysis on Colts owner Jim Irsay's recent troubles, you might think Mr. Sherman believes African Americans to be beyond reproach, while whites pop pills with only the most malicious of racist intents.

I'll be the first to admit that Jim Irsay is an asshole. Look at him below. That's a multimillionaire, an owner of an NFL team. He also struggles with pills, lol (heh, fuk'n crack'rs n their rich ppl pillz). I'd have no qualms about it if he died tomorrow.




Anyway, Mr. Sherman, goes on about how nobody suggested that Mr. Irsay had drug trafficking ties because he got pulled over with a buncha pills and $29k in cash...on him. Like, isn't that what rappers brag about?

Bottom line, shit like this is the reason people are racist. Second bottom line, Jim Irsay is a pretty compelling reason for hating white people.

lobbying, yeah man

If you remember from a few weeks back, I mentioned me heading down to the state capitol for some legislative action.

Well, as promised, here is that wrap-up.

It all started when the CEO of my company asked me to attend the Rally in the Valley, put on by three (3) neighboring chambers of commerce here in northwestern Wisconsin. Not being able to attend, she requested my presence in her stead.

I thought it would be more informational, listening to legislators talk about issues, with us having the opportunity to pose questions. Really the only time that scenario played out was when the Governor spoke to us at lunch. And that was sans the cr00sh question and answer sesh. Note that the lunch food was absolutely horrible.

But the rest of the day - the almost three hour bus ride down, the introduction, the legislator meetings, the breakout sessions, and the reception were all mostly great.

Let's take it from the top.

Got there at about ten, met with the two other members of my group, and got debriefed on the issues we would be covering at each of the five preset appointments with state politicians. All agreed that dividing up the issues so that each of us would be covering the same thing for each meeting would be a good idea. And this is when we realized it was going to be straight up lobbying.

Anyway, the issue left for me was fracking, obviously a hot button issue. My position was supposed to be, and is, when done carefully and right, it's a boon for the area. My experience with area companies of this ilk has been overwhelmingly positive. Whether that is due to necessity or high character doesn't really matter.

Both legislators that were actually there (Jerry Petrowski and Thomas Larson) were receptive and engaged, as were the aids/staff of the other three. A lot of questions on all of the issues, ranging from education/lowering the skills gap, keep the environment clean(er), and regulation reform.

It was cool to meet my group - one is the CEO of a neighboring city chamber of commerce,  and the other is a dean at the local technical college. Both very nice, very bright people. While they may have been put off by my unfancy title, they didn't show it.

After the meetings was a breakout session, hosted by a WI economic council of sorts. Basically they just introduced the new employees and had each explain their roles. Total snoozer. One of them was smiling at me the whole time, and when she introduced herself, instead of chatting, I advised her to stop by the reception cause I needed to run and get a crink. She was kinda good looking, but what pleased me most is a fellow Wisconsinite appreciating a well-dressed dude with a great haircut. It doesn't happen that much around here.

The reception was great, and very surprisingly so was the food. What a great spread though. Free beers may have made things taste better. Met a couple cool dudes, talked to a few lawmakers, kind of funny to hear them drop the occasional f-bomb.

By 7pm we were loading up the bus, and somebody popped in 42, the movie about Jackie Robinson. Not a lot offends me, but in the context of the movie, the n-bomb droppage was disgusting. Dude just wants to play baseball.

Got home by 10:30, had some whiskey and called it a night.