Speaking/thinking of tiny wieners a week or two ago, I had a funny thought as I completed my daily ritual of rereading my last fifteen posts.
Thought it'd be funny to buy an electric vehicle and back it into parking spots next to huge pickup trucks.
But like one of those small beta-looking hatchback ones, like a Kia or Hyundai or something.
Maybe not that funny, sorry.
Just thought of a new TikTok trend called "passing".
Millennials and teens film themselves swallowing various items with the intention of shitting the items out, and then retrieving them from their feces. I can see this taking on a "challenge" element - who can pass the most expensive, exotic, dangerous, challenging, sharp & pokey, biggest, etc. thing.
Wonder if it would be limited to inanimate objects. Probably not.
My guess is that most of these folks will miss the actual shitting of the item. People want instant gratification, and waiting the 1.71 days for it to pass is going to result in some kids swallowing a mouse, and then eagerly and unsuccessfully digging through their very next dump while a mouse turns his bowels into an entraily hamster wheel.
Or some kid gets bold and swallows his mom's expensive jewelry. After the first unsuccessful attempt at passing, kid gets nervous, his older sibling catches wind of what's happening, and sees an opportunity. As the swallowing kid gets more and more desperate after another couple desperate and fruitless forced shits, older sibling starts filming these episodes, which culminates in either the swallowing kid performing self-surgery to recover the jewelry, or the mom getting involved, taking more drastic and brutal measures to reclaim what is rightfully hers. Either way, this evolves into 10/10 content.
Plot twist: the swallowed jewelry is an expensive diamond necklace that was a gift to the mom from the man she cheated on swallowing kid's father with, which began a bitter divorce that profoundly impacted the swallowing kid.
What about Passing getting taken to the next level, "treasure hunting"? Kid posts a video of himself swallowing a valuable object, only to then have a group of treasure hunters track him down and forcefully extract it.
Don't forget to wash your hands and clean the shit out from under your fingernails.
We received a facebook message regarding one of our recent posts. I suspect it is from a local.
Avid Reader (AR): bet u woudlnt say that too my face
Heck Yeah, Man (HYM): What's that?
AR: i have a small dick
HYM: That stinks man, have you tried Extenze or Hims?
Three days later:
HYM: Also, I see those late night ads with hall of famer Frank Thomas; he sells Nugenix. That might help you out too. The Big Hurt, man.
AR: dude fuck new genix dude. u pussy wouldnt say it to my face i know that
AR: pussy bitchc
HYM: You are not wrong.
AR: wouldtn do shit i bet
HYM: Your name is chad isn't it?
AR: yeah howd u know that u on the internet.
HYM: Your messages are coming from your personal facebook account. I bet you have a shitty goattee too.
AR: *is typing*
HYM: From your profile pic, asshole.
AR: *is typing*
HYM: Can I borrow your cool Polaris jacket?
blocked
Hey just a quick heads up here - wanted to let you know that we have decided to begin using pronouns on this site.
Due to the prevalence of what is generally considered "normie" culture here, and the trend of people adopting pronouns for non-ironic usage, we decided that now is the time. Our pronouns will reflect that, and are potentially fluid to stay current with trends and shifts in culture.
We agonized over how to best incorporate this craze into our lives, and "thus" considered many and varied pronouns and non-pronouns-as-pronouns, even inanimate-objects-as-pronouns.
Just want to be honest - if we could (or should) use "backing a huge pickup truck into a parking space" as a pronoun, we would.
For similar reasons, the following were also considered, and then cast aside as potential pronouns:
"anti-vax asshole/anti-masker shithead"
"Under Armour Hat and Sweatshirt from the clearance rack at Scheel's"
"little dick energy"
"flush'ier de turlet"
"weekday dinner at Texas Roadhouse"
"full price VIP tickets to Rock Fest"
"gun control"
As a journalist by trade, we know that our pronouns will need to honor our lived truth. So we compiled some of the most common and egregious grammar mistakes and we are speaking power to truth by literally unpacking these appropriations. Employing them in an empowering and diverse context - this is us promoting awareness, masturbatory nature of our thoughts and words without actions be damned.
Without further ado, our pronouns are: myself / sir / noun's.
This is fluid, so we do anticipate a change to just frog/frogs at some point in the near future.
Upcoming: we just remembered that we saw on twitter a couple years ago, that a semi-famous actor was "deadnamed" one time. So def keep your eyes peeled for our updated policy on "deadnaming". This will apply to both real life and "that which is imagined".
I really do. I empathize and sympathize or whatever. I don't really respect it or appreciate it, but I get it.
Anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers - I get it.
It is no secret to reasonable people that the average COVID-denier is full of absolute shit. The wild success of materials science (waterproof jackets, boats, etc.) and the medical field (eyeglasses, heart surgery, etc., for example) have proven beyond a doubt that both masks and vaccines work. Many of these folks probably have a fair amount of positive experiences with the fruits of labor in these fields.
Then why the highly politicized and absolutely wrong stance taken on by your average COVID-denier, logical fallacies be damned?
Critical thinking skills are not on trial here, instead consider at a higher level - many folks promoting masks and vaccines - what else is a very vocal subset of that population talking about?
Things like this:
1. Men can have babies; men can have periods. And if you don't automatically accept this as gospel, you are transphobic and all kinds of other bad made up stuff. And probably white supremacist too. Maybe in a decade or two we will see some sort of confirmation of a dude having a baby or something, I doubt it, but eh.
2. The US government nearly fell victim to a dangerous insurrection by a bunch of Dungeon & Dragon playing cosplayers. Yes, we barely lived through a revolution where the end of a Donald Trump presidency was almost overthrown by a bunch of Donald Trump supporting LARPers. Never forget. But I did forget to mention that many of these almost-overthrowers were wearing costumes lol. Honestly I have seen more plausible and likely scenarios in wildly complex conspiracy-theory movies. Imagine serving in an actual war, seeing horrors beyond belief, not dying, getting old, and then seeing words like "nazi", "fascist", or "insurrection" get totally redefined with the new meaning of the word completely unrelated to the original. That's gotta be a lot to process.
3. A white supremacist organization that is led by somebody that is not white has infiltrated the government at every level. I hate white supremacy and white supremacists as much as the next person, but I am still trying to wrap my head around this one. Fear the Proud Boys lol.
4. The election where their candidate lost was clearly stolen by Russia, but questioning the election where their candidate won, well that's just crazy. I thought we all expected a certain high degree of foul play by everybody involved in elections. Somewhere, Keith Olberpersonn just got an idea for a talk show segment.
5. In a greedy, capitalist, profit-driven culture, where women get paid seventy five cents to every dollar that men get paid for the "same" job, greedy profit-driven capitalists strongly prefer to pay more for men to do the "same" work. What version of crapitalism are we running here!?
6. Inanimate objects will get up and start killing people, but it's only worth talking about sometimes. Sometimes not though.
I totally understand folks wanting to just chalk masks and vaccines up to being just another round of made up stuff. Over a year into a pandemic, we are seeing how that is working out for deniers though lol.
I had surgery in December 2019. It was way easier than I thought it was going to be. Full disclosure - It was a vasectomy and I was relatively nervous about the procedure. A co-worked told me that it was really painful and one of the worst experiences of his life. Considering the nature of the operation, yeah, that had me a little worried. Long story short, it was a breeze - fast and pretty painless. You should definitely get one before you do something that I'll regret.
One thing that also stuck with me, after almost two years, and probably will for the rest of my life, is the short conversation between the two doctors performing the procedure.
The whole thing took about 45 minutes from the minute I got into the operating room to the minute I pulled up my pants and slowly limped out the exit. The docs started off pretty pro, a little small talk about the weather to kick things off, then telling me how the procedure would go, getting me comfortable on the bed, and then getting right to work. I put my headphones in right away, only pausing the tunes when I would see what looked like a focused or serious look in their faces.
About five minutes in, I could tell something was on the mind of one of the doctors. He'd look up inquisitively at the other doctor and his mouth would almost form a word, as if he wanted to say something. Then he'd shake his head once or twice and look back down. This happened about three times.
Finally the other doctor noticed.
Older Doctor (D1): "What's on your mind?"
Younger Doctor (D2): "Oh nothing"
D1: "C'mon, let's get this done and then get outta here. Spit it out, question about what I'm doing?"
D2: "No, it's stupid" with a short, nervous chuckle
D2: "It's just that, how...no, let's keep going"
D1: "It's just that what?"
D2: "I don't know, I'm just trying to understand"
D1: "Understand what?"
D2: "Well, it's just like, like, how do you think he holds that thing with just two hands? Jesus."
