In the event of you being interested in a write-up of my Fat Bike Birkie experience, you are in luck.
Last year: The 2015 FBB was my first one, and despite overheating/over-exerting and puking, I had a great time. The hills were brutal, so I was determined to train for the next year to make the actual race more enjoyable.
The race itself is a great production, and I don't generally care for racing, but if you're gonna do one expensive race a year, this is a great one to do.
Training: In the weeks leading up to the race, I trained exclusively on my singlespeed mountain bike (thanks nice weather!). I'd head out for 12-15 miles at a time, hitting a lot of hills, usually four to five times per week. It sucked. For you locals, one night I did the Carson Park hill repeatedly for nine miles, up and down and up and down. Also, I threw in one night of resistance training/yoga each week.
The race: I signed up for the 20k, intent on improving my performance. Last year I was 111 out of 179 racers, 13 out of 20 in my age group, with a race time of 1:28:17 for about 12.5 miles. Not horrible for a turd like me.
This year I wound up 108 out of 269 racers total, 22 out of 39 in my age group, with a race time of 1:15:55. I was happy to have cut my race time down by just over twelve minutes! And actually the race this year was a bit longer at between 13.5 and 14.5 miles!
I warmed up longer, and took it easy on the 1.5 mile roll out, planning to CRUSH racers once we hit the snow. And CRUSH I did. I cat-sixed people like crazy, especially on the hills - likely a bunch of roadies trying to mash in the snow, while I kept my butt planted in my seat, and hammered on up. Only times I had to walk were when somebody just ahead of me washed out and I couldn't swerve around them, a huge improvement over last year.
A couple kilometers into the trail, I settled into leading a group of about five of us that would remain behind me until the aid station. Speaking of the aid station, it came up fast, which was nice because it was just past the halfway point. I stopped for a gel thing and some water and many of those that I passed blew right on by me like I was standing still (I actually was standing still). I hate getting passed, but the race entry fee was expensive so I made sure to choke down some gel packs!
Anyway, after probably a minute at the station, I was off! My training paid off, as I caught just about every single one that passed me! One dude was even trying to draft me. But a hard brake had him eating trail. I even caught some dude that I couldn't shake from before the aid station. I think having it come up so quick got me all kinds of PUMPED.
And now to the last stretch, 1.5 miles of pavement to the finish. Remember those roadies I crushed in the snow? Well a few of them reappeared and then proceeded to fly by me like I just did to them over the last 15kms. Two ladies in purple (and pink I think) overtook me close to the finish and I tried to catch them, but couldn't. If there had been another km, I bet I could of, but I'm kind of glad there wasn't. One dude in blue, he was on my tail for the last km or so of trail, and once we hit the pavement, dude shot forward to the finish line so furiously I kind of thought he was going to just explode.
Overall, I feel really good about my performance, despite the bummer in how I finished in my age group.
The after party and raffle: The Seeley Sawmill again hosted the after party, great venue. Last year, everything was up for raffle. Buy a bunch of tickets and throw them into the buckets for whichever items you like. Then an hour or two later, they had "random" draws for a winner of each. Note that the local mountain biking org (CAMBA) puts the raffle on, and did a great job of acquiring awesome prizes. The problem here is that many attendees noted that a strange majority of the winners were CAMBA members and volunteers. Also observed was a lack of mixing up the tickets, with the person doing the drawing just grabbing one from the top, rather than stirring them all up, weird. We (Heckyeahwoman and I) actually won one of the top prizes, so note that we are not bitter losers here.
This year, the format changed: all of the big items were in a silent auction. Most of the smaller stuff was in a traditional raffle format, with tickets being drawn throughout the evening, and likely the auction winners getting announced at the end. I don't know for sure because we took off after a beer. It likely resulted in people with a bunch of disposable income purchasing the prizes and then later flipping them online for a nice profit. In fact, the singlespeed 907 fat bike (on silent auction) was up for sale already as of Monday morning. I left happy knowing that I did not contribute a cent.
Funny note: we bumped into some friends, and the husband and wife both won the same shirt via the raffle, though hers was likely used, and had bonus light stains on it. And was too big.
Next year: I will be back, looking to shave ten minutes off my race time.
Shout out: The Flat Creek Inn was great! The room was huge and clean. Also the Angry Minnow brewpub was fantastic.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Monday, February 29, 2016
mushroom & truffle studded goat cheese pizza
Heckyeahwoman purchased gifted me the Gjelina cookbook for Christmas this last December. I soon learned that Gjelina is a fancy restaurant in Venice, California. I've never been there. The food - from the recipes and pictures - appears to be gourmet, fancy, wonderful, hip, cool - everything I am not (riiiiight). The recipes look delicious and challenging. I was both chomping and champing at the bit(s) to dive into them.
That champing and chomping furiously present-tensed itself the other night, Wednesday the 25 of February. This is a review of the night in question.
We created the dish in the title: mushroom & truffle studded goat cheese pizza.
You may know that we live in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. This is important because the recipe called for truffle goat cheese (what?!). Not surprisingly, they don't have it at Woodman's, well, not the one here in town anyway. So we improvised by adding truffle oil to the goat cheese. We also improvised by using a pre-made pizza crust mix. Likely blasphemy to the author of the cookbook, but week night time is not infinite and the dough making process seems to be approaching infinity. In the future I would like to try my (our) hand at doing it from scratch.
The recipe itself was simple: crust, truffle goat cheese, Fontina cheese, cremini & chantarelle mushrooms, and a little seasoning/olive oil. Also: oven, baking sheet, bowls and other utensils.
A note about the truffle part of the goat cheese. We had to make our own, and we did that by mixing (a very small drizzle of) truffle oil with the goat cheese. This gave it a better, easier-to-work-with consistency - crumbling easily, for quick breaking up and sprinkling over the pizza. Surely this was due to a chemical reaction that I am not prepared to google or explain. The Fontina cheese (taking the place of a traditional Mozzarella here) was great, though it could have likely been used even less sparingly than the recipe suggested (we are from Wisconsin).
As for the previously mentioned fancy mushrooms, they too were not found at Woodman's, so I just used the fanciest sounding I could find, can't remember the name, but they were different in texture than your white or portabella varieties. And about that crust: we used a box crust, Jiffy brand I believe. It actually turned out superb. Heckyeahwoman handled this part and created a rectangular thin crust that wound up perfectly crispy.
One thing you might notice here is a lack of food photography. Well you know what, when the pizza came out of the oven, it's status changed pretty much immediately from "uncut pizza sitting on the oven" to "fucking devoured". It was instantaneous, so I didn't have time to much more than snap a pic to My Story. That, and everybody thinks they're a goddamn photographer now. Not me. And probably not you either. Different story for a different time.
Shoot, and I forgot the Thyme leaves as garnish.
Gjelina has a bunch more pizza recipes (non-pizza too, quite expansive), but it sounds like we're gonna give this one an encore before we try something new.
That champing and chomping furiously present-tensed itself the other night, Wednesday the 25 of February. This is a review of the night in question.
We created the dish in the title: mushroom & truffle studded goat cheese pizza.
You may know that we live in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. This is important because the recipe called for truffle goat cheese (what?!). Not surprisingly, they don't have it at Woodman's, well, not the one here in town anyway. So we improvised by adding truffle oil to the goat cheese. We also improvised by using a pre-made pizza crust mix. Likely blasphemy to the author of the cookbook, but week night time is not infinite and the dough making process seems to be approaching infinity. In the future I would like to try my (our) hand at doing it from scratch.
The recipe itself was simple: crust, truffle goat cheese, Fontina cheese, cremini & chantarelle mushrooms, and a little seasoning/olive oil. Also: oven, baking sheet, bowls and other utensils.
A note about the truffle part of the goat cheese. We had to make our own, and we did that by mixing (a very small drizzle of) truffle oil with the goat cheese. This gave it a better, easier-to-work-with consistency - crumbling easily, for quick breaking up and sprinkling over the pizza. Surely this was due to a chemical reaction that I am not prepared to google or explain. The Fontina cheese (taking the place of a traditional Mozzarella here) was great, though it could have likely been used even less sparingly than the recipe suggested (we are from Wisconsin).
As for the previously mentioned fancy mushrooms, they too were not found at Woodman's, so I just used the fanciest sounding I could find, can't remember the name, but they were different in texture than your white or portabella varieties. And about that crust: we used a box crust, Jiffy brand I believe. It actually turned out superb. Heckyeahwoman handled this part and created a rectangular thin crust that wound up perfectly crispy.
One thing you might notice here is a lack of food photography. Well you know what, when the pizza came out of the oven, it's status changed pretty much immediately from "uncut pizza sitting on the oven" to "fucking devoured". It was instantaneous, so I didn't have time to much more than snap a pic to My Story. That, and everybody thinks they're a goddamn photographer now. Not me. And probably not you either. Different story for a different time.
Shoot, and I forgot the Thyme leaves as garnish.
Gjelina has a bunch more pizza recipes (non-pizza too, quite expansive), but it sounds like we're gonna give this one an encore before we try something new.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
the grocery store
I was at Woodman's this past Sunday, doing a little grocery shopping - lunches for the week, a few dinners, and some other stuff. Totally nailed the curry quinoa and potato dish I would make later in the evening BTW. Anyway, while waiting in line to check out, two (2) carts up, a husband and wife were watching the cashier scan the items from their full cart. They looked weary from the soul crushing disposable day to day they live. Their faces told a story, one likely not memorable at all.
When the cashier got to the last item in the cart, it was clear she couldn't reach it: a massive jug of crappy apple cider. I don't remember the brand, probably Dole or SugarloadedShit or something. The husband, dressed slovenly in ill-fitting jeans and a one-size-too-large dirty black fleece, went ahead and reached for it. He grubbily grabbed it, lifted it maybe a foot in the air, and then he dropped it. It hit the floor, hard, and the cap immediately and forcefully popped off, and I was lucky to see this. It landed right side up on the floor, but the impact pushed a small yellow fountain of cider straight into the air, a couple inches high. Which then spilled back all over the side of the jug, as it bounced a bit and then flipped onto its side. A nice way to punctuate the jug's calamitous action. Anyway, split seconds later, a good two thirds (2/3) of the jug was spilled all over. I watched it in real time; it was surreal, almost in slow motion. The older gentleman ahead of me, just behind the couple in question here, looking unaffected, nudged himself and his cart out of the way of the approaching apple cider. Seconds later, he departed the checkout line altogether, not able to handle the crushing weight of the events that just transpired. He would later return.
His departure meant that I was next in line, as the couple had paid and were just about to exit the bagging area. I could hear the cashier on the phone, likely calling in a cleaning crew of what would eventually consist of a single middle aged, unhappy looking gentleman. I was prepared to advance forward, to step up, to have my goods scanned and bagged. Hell, if running my cart through a little apple cider is the worst thing that would happen that day (it was), then I will gladly dance around the crow's feet pattern of spilled cider on the floor, while my cart full of dudefuel powered through the yellow puddle. The cashier acknowledged that I was up, and she was ready to get me on with my day. She emerged from behind the rack of candy bars and garbage reading for garbage people, and sheepishly smiled before she spoke to me. She said
When the cashier got to the last item in the cart, it was clear she couldn't reach it: a massive jug of crappy apple cider. I don't remember the brand, probably Dole or SugarloadedShit or something. The husband, dressed slovenly in ill-fitting jeans and a one-size-too-large dirty black fleece, went ahead and reached for it. He grubbily grabbed it, lifted it maybe a foot in the air, and then he dropped it. It hit the floor, hard, and the cap immediately and forcefully popped off, and I was lucky to see this. It landed right side up on the floor, but the impact pushed a small yellow fountain of cider straight into the air, a couple inches high. Which then spilled back all over the side of the jug, as it bounced a bit and then flipped onto its side. A nice way to punctuate the jug's calamitous action. Anyway, split seconds later, a good two thirds (2/3) of the jug was spilled all over. I watched it in real time; it was surreal, almost in slow motion. The older gentleman ahead of me, just behind the couple in question here, looking unaffected, nudged himself and his cart out of the way of the approaching apple cider. Seconds later, he departed the checkout line altogether, not able to handle the crushing weight of the events that just transpired. He would later return.
His departure meant that I was next in line, as the couple had paid and were just about to exit the bagging area. I could hear the cashier on the phone, likely calling in a cleaning crew of what would eventually consist of a single middle aged, unhappy looking gentleman. I was prepared to advance forward, to step up, to have my goods scanned and bagged. Hell, if running my cart through a little apple cider is the worst thing that would happen that day (it was), then I will gladly dance around the crow's feet pattern of spilled cider on the floor, while my cart full of dudefuel powered through the yellow puddle. The cashier acknowledged that I was up, and she was ready to get me on with my day. She emerged from behind the rack of candy bars and garbage reading for garbage people, and sheepishly smiled before she spoke to me. She said
Monday, January 18, 2016
weekend update
This is more of a weekend update in name, than in content. I couldn't think of a better title, so I thought I'd cast a favorable backwards glance at my (your) beloved "weekend update" posts from, Jesus Christ, years and years ago.
Anyway, we'll cover a couple things here: the Packer game and Making a Murderer.
First, the Packer game - here is a one hundred percent unscientific analysis of it.
Shortly after the Randall Cobb injury, it hit me: the Packers are without four of their top five receivers. Think about that for a minute. How many teams could cope with that? And here they are, eventually taking the number one offense and top five-ish defense to overtime in the playoffs. That's pretty awesome. Janis and Abbrederis played pretty well, eh.
So they took the Cardinals to overtime. Why didn't they win? Easy, the Cardinals scored more points. But through my Packer bias, I saw McCarthy waste a timeout on a very questionable challenge. Woulda been nice to have that timeout at the end there, so as to not rely on a hail Mary again. Or how about Shields and his multiple interception drops, especially the late fourth quarter one, where he could have likely sealed a victory? Or Rodgers and his diminishing ability to throw the ball accurately? Or the missed pass interference calls that ended up not mattering anyway? Or another fourth quarter meltdown? But still.
But that dagger though: the overtime coin toss. That asshole ref knew the first toss was gonna come up tails, as the Packers picked, so he tossed it without actually flipping the coin, to purposefully result in a redo. And the rest is history. Unreal.
The Packers almost overcame themselves and the refs there. Almost.
So what do I suggest the Pack do? Trade Aaron Rodgers. He's clearly in physical decline. Missed throws like crazy. And I'm not talking about the receiver running the wrong route, nah, I'm talking legit misses. Overthrowing deep a bunch, missing wide open guys on the sidelines, and that joke of a dribbler to James Jones late in the fourth quarter. While his brand still has the Aaron Rodgers bling, trade him to the Texans for JJ Watt and Brian Hoyer or something. Or to the Chiefs for their big name defensive dude and Alex Smith. Capitalize now, or wallow in the next nationally televised Peyton Manning-esque QB legend twilight saga.
At least the Pats won, and we look forward to them crapping all over Cam Newton in the Super Bowl. Bonus: the Steelers and Seahawks lost! Nothing like seeing shitheads like Russel Wilson and Richard Sherman lose big. And the satisfaction in seeing Mike Tomlin and the Steelers experience a loss to a pretty inept Broncos team is immeasurable.
At least the Pats won, and we look forward to them crapping all over Cam Newton in the Super Bowl. Bonus: the Steelers and Seahawks lost! Nothing like seeing shitheads like Russel Wilson and Richard Sherman lose big. And the satisfaction in seeing Mike Tomlin and the Steelers experience a loss to a pretty inept Broncos team is immeasurable.
And as promised, Making a Murderer. It all started when I was out of town, and Heckyeahwoman told me she watched all ten episodes. She made it sound like some super rural small-town mentally challenged kids were getting charged with all these crimes and the cops were corrupt as hell. Not far from the truth, but I think she really oversold how riveting the show is. But anyway, she assured me that I'd be totally into it, and that she'd be happy to rewatch it with me. So we started it when I got back home, took a little convincing though. This was more obliging than active desire.
In my spare time, I'm not necessarily into getting bummed out. Quite the opposite actually.
And going into the series, that's what I expected - a bum out. Maybe that, combined with the dismal nature of a dreary spell of cold weather affected my feelings here. Long story short, I made it three and a half episodes before I got up and said, "fuck this, I'm done". You should know that I am not up to speed on all the happenings regarding the full story. All I know is it was bummer after bummer happening. And I was actively spending my free time getting bummed out. That sucks. That's not what HYM is all about. THIS IS WHAT WE'RE ABOUT - THE PUMP. Maybe Avery did it, and all the crap he went through was well-deserved.
In my spare time, I'm not necessarily into getting bummed out. Quite the opposite actually.
And going into the series, that's what I expected - a bum out. Maybe that, combined with the dismal nature of a dreary spell of cold weather affected my feelings here. Long story short, I made it three and a half episodes before I got up and said, "fuck this, I'm done". You should know that I am not up to speed on all the happenings regarding the full story. All I know is it was bummer after bummer happening. And I was actively spending my free time getting bummed out. That sucks. That's not what HYM is all about. THIS IS WHAT WE'RE ABOUT - THE PUMP. Maybe Avery did it, and all the crap he went through was well-deserved.
Or maybe not; I have no idea.
But watching Brendan get "interrogated" by the police was infuriating. Dude is a cognitively disabled kid, and those pigs were feeding him his answers. That's as far as I got.
Second to last thing: Neenah native, lawyer Len Kachinsky, came across as an idiot.
Second to last thing: Neenah native, lawyer Len Kachinsky, came across as an idiot.
Last thing, for the scores of non-Wisconsinite readers here, Manitowoc is not representative of the state.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
albums of the year, 2015 edition
Turns out there were some pretty sweet albums released this year. Here are some of my favorites, along with either a Youtube stream, or my favorite jam from each.
Strung Out - Transmission.Alpha.Delta
I hear highlights from all their albums in this one. Not a crappy song present, and their streak of closing the album with an awesome track remains intact. I can't envision a scenario where somebody doesn't find this album enjoyable.
Self Defense Family - Heaven is Earth
More meandering than previous output, but as long as Patrick Kindlon is ranting over something resembling music, I'm down.
Turnstile - Nonstop Feeling
Nonstop Feeling? More like Nonstop PUMP. I detect notes of 90's hardcore, and hip hop, but with modern production. I have no qualms with playing this album twice in a row.
Twitching Tongues - Disharmony
This band has a knack for kicking off the album with 10/10 songs, and then causing you to slowly lose interest throughout the duration. Still the highlights are fantastic. Good luck not going apeshit at the 1:05 and 3:30 marks of this song.
Kronos - Arise New Era
Brutal, technical death metal. Between these guys, Benighted, Gorod, and others, France is for some reason a hotbed of death metal. Not sure, but does the singer ever actually breathe or does he just brutalize?
Gorod - A Recycled Maze of Creeds
If it weren't for the vocals, I'm not sure you'd call this death metal. It's really jazzy and awesome. If I were to introduce a non-metalhead musician to death metal, this would be the album.
Melt Banana - Return of 13 Hedgehogs
Oddball Japanese punk grind with annoying female vocals - somehow this works, and is awesome. Bonus points for these folks playing the inaugural local hipster music festival, and people having their minds blown that music doesn't have to suck and be slow and droney bullshit.
Abominable Putridity - The Anomalies of Artificial Origin.
Crushingly heavy Russian and oppressive Russian brutal slam death metal from Russia. Originally released in 2012, this was reissued in 2015. The bass drops are timed perfectly. Russia.
Adventures - Supersonic Home
Rock with off key vocals that are so catchy, it's almost impossible to not enjoy. Most of this band is in an overrated hardcore band called Code Orange.
Drug Church - Hit Your Head
Patrick Kindlon-fronted 90's style rock/hardcore. Best lyricist ever.
Beach Slang - The Things We Do to Find People Who Feel Like Us
Imagine if Jawbreaker reunited and wrote Dear You in 2015, but with a little more rock, and strangely, a slightly different 90's vibe at times. Imagine it sounding comfortingly familiar.
Snoozed on last year: Columns - Please Explode. Dudes from Glass Casket go faster and grindier, cutting down song length, increasing the awesome. Bonus points for a song called "Punching Nancy Grace".
Other stuff I got into from year end lists:
VI - raging, unhinged black metal. I don't even generally like black metal.
Tau Cross - everybody loved this, I am not convinced yet.
Lychgate - atmospheric, eerie black metal.
Mgla - this is how I envision black metal to sound. Would be my album of the year if I had discovered it earlier.
Beaten to Death - kinda weird grind that is wildly catchy.
Chelsea Wolfe - indie singer-songwriter bullshit combined with industrial metal flourishes.
The Armed - sounds like a punkier Converge. Awesome album, free on their bandcamp.
Strung Out - Transmission.Alpha.Delta
I hear highlights from all their albums in this one. Not a crappy song present, and their streak of closing the album with an awesome track remains intact. I can't envision a scenario where somebody doesn't find this album enjoyable.
Self Defense Family - Heaven is Earth
More meandering than previous output, but as long as Patrick Kindlon is ranting over something resembling music, I'm down.
Turnstile - Nonstop Feeling
Nonstop Feeling? More like Nonstop PUMP. I detect notes of 90's hardcore, and hip hop, but with modern production. I have no qualms with playing this album twice in a row.
Twitching Tongues - Disharmony
This band has a knack for kicking off the album with 10/10 songs, and then causing you to slowly lose interest throughout the duration. Still the highlights are fantastic. Good luck not going apeshit at the 1:05 and 3:30 marks of this song.
Kronos - Arise New Era
Brutal, technical death metal. Between these guys, Benighted, Gorod, and others, France is for some reason a hotbed of death metal. Not sure, but does the singer ever actually breathe or does he just brutalize?
Gorod - A Recycled Maze of Creeds
If it weren't for the vocals, I'm not sure you'd call this death metal. It's really jazzy and awesome. If I were to introduce a non-metalhead musician to death metal, this would be the album.
Melt Banana - Return of 13 Hedgehogs
Oddball Japanese punk grind with annoying female vocals - somehow this works, and is awesome. Bonus points for these folks playing the inaugural local hipster music festival, and people having their minds blown that music doesn't have to suck and be slow and droney bullshit.
Abominable Putridity - The Anomalies of Artificial Origin.
Crushingly heavy Russian and oppressive Russian brutal slam death metal from Russia. Originally released in 2012, this was reissued in 2015. The bass drops are timed perfectly. Russia.
Adventures - Supersonic Home
Rock with off key vocals that are so catchy, it's almost impossible to not enjoy. Most of this band is in an overrated hardcore band called Code Orange.
Drug Church - Hit Your Head
Patrick Kindlon-fronted 90's style rock/hardcore. Best lyricist ever.
Beach Slang - The Things We Do to Find People Who Feel Like Us
Imagine if Jawbreaker reunited and wrote Dear You in 2015, but with a little more rock, and strangely, a slightly different 90's vibe at times. Imagine it sounding comfortingly familiar.
Snoozed on last year: Columns - Please Explode. Dudes from Glass Casket go faster and grindier, cutting down song length, increasing the awesome. Bonus points for a song called "Punching Nancy Grace".
Other stuff I got into from year end lists:
VI - raging, unhinged black metal. I don't even generally like black metal.
Tau Cross - everybody loved this, I am not convinced yet.
Lychgate - atmospheric, eerie black metal.
Mgla - this is how I envision black metal to sound. Would be my album of the year if I had discovered it earlier.
Beaten to Death - kinda weird grind that is wildly catchy.
Chelsea Wolfe - indie singer-songwriter bullshit combined with industrial metal flourishes.
The Armed - sounds like a punkier Converge. Awesome album, free on their bandcamp.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
my flirtation with singlespeed
Some of you may know that I like to ride bikes. Having always been intrigued by the simplicity of a singlespeed bike, I decided to just do it.
One evening before my 10 mile morning ride into work, I decided I was going to use only one gear. Which gear? I have no idea, but I have twenty to choose from! I didn't sleep well that night and dreaded the impending ride; I expected hell. Anyway, I woke up pissed off, ate breakfast pissed off, took a dump pissed off, wiped my ass pissed off, loaded up my bike pissed off.
I did feel slightly better when I got on the bike though.
My goal in the first two blocks was to find a gear that was a bit too easy to pedal when the road is flat, with every intention of slowing to a standstill as I stand and mash on the very hilly last five miles. Easily within a block, I found "the gear", and opted to roll with it, as it felt right.
Upon arrival at the office, I felt awesome. Well, awesomer than I usually feel when I finish the ride in. The hell I expected never came. Sure as shit, the next day, I rode in on one gear, rode home on one gear, and then hit the singletrack on my fat bike with one gear. Then I rode in on one gear on my fat bike. That was a different beast as the tire pressure on pavement makes for a tricker sitch. Anyway though, I was sold. Soon, I was graduating up gears as I became a stronger rider. I even started looking for a singlespeed-specific bike.
Until I realized what it means.
Having twenty gears at my disposal, and only using one is nothing short of gearism, and that is a gateway to more sinister forms of hate. Looking at the cassette on my bike, and seeing the staggered increase in size of each sprocket as you get closer to the wheel, how each sprocket has more teeth than the previous. Having to choose just one based on your strength and preference, it's disgusting.
Considering I have a nice enough, fully functioning car sitting in the garage, and I chose to ride a bike to work, using only one gear no less(!), that's an affront to those that don't have that option.
Every gear not used is a micro-aggression. Poor (and probably nonwhite) people may not have the privilege of choosing their personal means of transportation. That I am doing something positive for the environment, and essentially paying myself to get exercise by riding to work, that is the ultimate slap in the face to those less fortunate and not as white.
Bikes, and bikes with big tires are constructs. Every extra PSI pumped into a bicycle tire is a form of structural and implicit misogyny, fueled by white male privilege. The fact that bicycle tires are black, and they are forced to carry our weight, that's as institutional as racism can get. I shudder to think of the hatred inherent in the action of me swapping out my stem last month, for one that fits better, and gasp, was not as black. Vile.
The big picture is important, and every single action we take, and thought that we might think, has the potential to tangentially offend somebody. What you might think of as something good - driving a car less, getting exercise, well, somebody might experience a fleeting feeling of potentially being offended. Or worse, that person that is actively in the market for something new to offend them, they may find that hatred they're looking for. And in that case, may science have mercy on your Twitter account.
So let me sum this up for you, singlespeeding turned me into a devil: a privileged, white, CIS-gendered, prejudiced asshole. These qualities, no matter how superficial or made up, empowered me to be a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, everythingphobic and everyist piece of shit. Basically any acronym of the month that you can think of, I apparently phobic'ed and ism'ed it for a short spell there.
I hereby will probably soon disavow bikes, gears, biking gear, shifters, brakes, other bike parts, and I promise to further explore the full spectrum of my unidentified identity.
#AllGearsMatter
One evening before my 10 mile morning ride into work, I decided I was going to use only one gear. Which gear? I have no idea, but I have twenty to choose from! I didn't sleep well that night and dreaded the impending ride; I expected hell. Anyway, I woke up pissed off, ate breakfast pissed off, took a dump pissed off, wiped my ass pissed off, loaded up my bike pissed off.
I did feel slightly better when I got on the bike though.
My goal in the first two blocks was to find a gear that was a bit too easy to pedal when the road is flat, with every intention of slowing to a standstill as I stand and mash on the very hilly last five miles. Easily within a block, I found "the gear", and opted to roll with it, as it felt right.
Upon arrival at the office, I felt awesome. Well, awesomer than I usually feel when I finish the ride in. The hell I expected never came. Sure as shit, the next day, I rode in on one gear, rode home on one gear, and then hit the singletrack on my fat bike with one gear. Then I rode in on one gear on my fat bike. That was a different beast as the tire pressure on pavement makes for a tricker sitch. Anyway though, I was sold. Soon, I was graduating up gears as I became a stronger rider. I even started looking for a singlespeed-specific bike.
Until I realized what it means.
Having twenty gears at my disposal, and only using one is nothing short of gearism, and that is a gateway to more sinister forms of hate. Looking at the cassette on my bike, and seeing the staggered increase in size of each sprocket as you get closer to the wheel, how each sprocket has more teeth than the previous. Having to choose just one based on your strength and preference, it's disgusting.
Considering I have a nice enough, fully functioning car sitting in the garage, and I chose to ride a bike to work, using only one gear no less(!), that's an affront to those that don't have that option.
Every gear not used is a micro-aggression. Poor (and probably nonwhite) people may not have the privilege of choosing their personal means of transportation. That I am doing something positive for the environment, and essentially paying myself to get exercise by riding to work, that is the ultimate slap in the face to those less fortunate and not as white.
Bikes, and bikes with big tires are constructs. Every extra PSI pumped into a bicycle tire is a form of structural and implicit misogyny, fueled by white male privilege. The fact that bicycle tires are black, and they are forced to carry our weight, that's as institutional as racism can get. I shudder to think of the hatred inherent in the action of me swapping out my stem last month, for one that fits better, and gasp, was not as black. Vile.
The big picture is important, and every single action we take, and thought that we might think, has the potential to tangentially offend somebody. What you might think of as something good - driving a car less, getting exercise, well, somebody might experience a fleeting feeling of potentially being offended. Or worse, that person that is actively in the market for something new to offend them, they may find that hatred they're looking for. And in that case, may science have mercy on your Twitter account.
So let me sum this up for you, singlespeeding turned me into a devil: a privileged, white, CIS-gendered, prejudiced asshole. These qualities, no matter how superficial or made up, empowered me to be a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, everythingphobic and everyist piece of shit. Basically any acronym of the month that you can think of, I apparently phobic'ed and ism'ed it for a short spell there.
I hereby will probably soon disavow bikes, gears, biking gear, shifters, brakes, other bike parts, and I promise to further explore the full spectrum of my unidentified identity.
#AllGearsMatter
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
dumb and dumber
Maybe you have heard about the recent goings on in our great state of Wisconsin. Specifically, the Governor, in January announced huge budget cuts to the UW-System. If you're an out-of-stater, that means that there will likely be around 300 million dollars worth of cuts to the various University of Wisconsin schools around the state (holy crap!). Those cuts are already starting to manifest themselves in myriad ways. People are freaking out and looking for different jobs; students are pissed; faculty is not pleased; this is not a good sitch.
Over the last seven months or so, it's been a hot topic, with everybody having an opinion. You get the usual garbage about how all professors are overpaid, the reasonable assertion that the tenure system is a problem (that nobody wants to seriously touch), and of course the sentiment that many in academia think they are better than you. You don't really hear any solutions, just mostly bitching.
Nobody in the UW System wants to admit their huge organization is a model of inefficiency and bloat. Note that I'm not in the meetings; I could be wrong, they could be looking to actually improve operational efficiency, rather than just survive. Sadly, that would be reactive in nature, rather than proactive, and indicative of a leadership problem. One truth that is undeniable is that the UW-System is not prepared to handle this kind of a cut.
And we're seeing the reaction to the cuts: slashing employees, and continuing business as usual: upping class sizes, increasing professor workload, all contributing to a increasingly crappy education experience for kids that don't know any better. Why would any professors want to come here? Why are the professors that made the first cull willing to stay? Why would prospective students want to come here?
Editor's note: I sit with a unique vantage point. My wife is a professor, and I know tons of professors. While neither envious nor resentful of their jobs, I am envious of my wife's #BrainPower.
I mentioned the bitching; there is plenty of that. Most of it is directed at the Governor for his bonehead surprise budget cut move. Very understandable. Attacking one of the largest organizations in the state like this is unprecedented, worrisome, and the Governor deserves to be called out and fired. He has demonstrated repeatedly that he is an idiot. However, the fact that the UW-System is so crippled demonstrates a stark lack of competence from leadership.
Planning for what might go wrong, planning for the future, constantly trying to improve, that's what bright people do. That they are so unprepared is terrifying. In the real world, when something like this occurs, you either sink or swim, or doggy-paddle until one of the two happens. I'm thinking we'll either see some sort of bail out from the state, or a lot of doggy paddling. When you're out hiking in the woods and you get attacked by a bear, you don't get pissed at the bear. You get pissed at yourself for not being prepared to handle a bear encounter. Well that's what reasonable people would likely do.
This is where it gets so ghastly - much of academia's collective rage is directed only at the Governor. I haven't heard anything about questioning UW leadership. Surely even thinking of holding anybody other than the Governor's feet to the fire is pure blasphemy. Has partisanship gotten so bad that the Governor's party affiliation trumps the typical hatred for old white dudes that poorly run huge organizations? It's brainwashed ideological tribalism, and it's scary as hell.
WHERE'S YOUR ANGER? WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING RAGE?
So what are we left with? A bunch of close-minded beta simpletons that are letting their voices be heard, man.
There is hope though: the UW-System is productive at a couple things: churning out increasingly worthless graduates, producing meaningful research, playing a huge role in the local and statewide economy, among other things. But they could be better.
What would I do if I ran a college?
1. I'd take in fewer students, lowering class sizes, allowing professors more time to focus on professoring. Time to do research. Time to engage students, and be engaged by students. We all learn differently and at different levels, accounting for that takes time.
2. Bye-bye tenure. Not doing consistent and solid research, not running extracurricular or enriching programs, clubs, or activities - then you're not tenured. There are shitty tenured professors out there. Deny that all you want, but it's the truth. Often, tenure is a direct gateway to professional sloth.
3. Administrative and operations employees no longer get paid for checking facebook. No more sending three employees to plug in a computer (I'm serious). You want your office painted, you do it yourself.
4. Professors can fire students (potentially after earning an Associate's degree). College is a privilege and not a right. If after reasonable effort to correct performance in higher level/major classes, the professor can choose to boot the kid's ass out, with a prorated refund of course. There will have to be an effective academic counseling department established to determine the root cause of the shitty student performance and work to correct it. Bottom line, college isn't for everybody.
5. Professors get a raise! Yay! And they get merit based raises! Just like in the real world!
6. More financial assistance for poor people! One idea: partner with local businesses that are looking for bright young people and tie financial aid into internships and job offers. Have industry foot some of the bill for talent and education; think of it as backwards-facing tuition reimbursement.
I don't know much about the economics of running a college, but I know common sense often times makes for a pretty goddamn good starting point. Also, actually valuing people seems to be a pretty sweet way to do things.
Over the last seven months or so, it's been a hot topic, with everybody having an opinion. You get the usual garbage about how all professors are overpaid, the reasonable assertion that the tenure system is a problem (that nobody wants to seriously touch), and of course the sentiment that many in academia think they are better than you. You don't really hear any solutions, just mostly bitching.
Nobody in the UW System wants to admit their huge organization is a model of inefficiency and bloat. Note that I'm not in the meetings; I could be wrong, they could be looking to actually improve operational efficiency, rather than just survive. Sadly, that would be reactive in nature, rather than proactive, and indicative of a leadership problem. One truth that is undeniable is that the UW-System is not prepared to handle this kind of a cut.
And we're seeing the reaction to the cuts: slashing employees, and continuing business as usual: upping class sizes, increasing professor workload, all contributing to a increasingly crappy education experience for kids that don't know any better. Why would any professors want to come here? Why are the professors that made the first cull willing to stay? Why would prospective students want to come here?
Editor's note: I sit with a unique vantage point. My wife is a professor, and I know tons of professors. While neither envious nor resentful of their jobs, I am envious of my wife's #BrainPower.
I mentioned the bitching; there is plenty of that. Most of it is directed at the Governor for his bonehead surprise budget cut move. Very understandable. Attacking one of the largest organizations in the state like this is unprecedented, worrisome, and the Governor deserves to be called out and fired. He has demonstrated repeatedly that he is an idiot. However, the fact that the UW-System is so crippled demonstrates a stark lack of competence from leadership.
Planning for what might go wrong, planning for the future, constantly trying to improve, that's what bright people do. That they are so unprepared is terrifying. In the real world, when something like this occurs, you either sink or swim, or doggy-paddle until one of the two happens. I'm thinking we'll either see some sort of bail out from the state, or a lot of doggy paddling. When you're out hiking in the woods and you get attacked by a bear, you don't get pissed at the bear. You get pissed at yourself for not being prepared to handle a bear encounter. Well that's what reasonable people would likely do.
This is where it gets so ghastly - much of academia's collective rage is directed only at the Governor. I haven't heard anything about questioning UW leadership. Surely even thinking of holding anybody other than the Governor's feet to the fire is pure blasphemy. Has partisanship gotten so bad that the Governor's party affiliation trumps the typical hatred for old white dudes that poorly run huge organizations? It's brainwashed ideological tribalism, and it's scary as hell.
WHERE'S YOUR ANGER? WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING RAGE?
So what are we left with? A bunch of close-minded beta simpletons that are letting their voices be heard, man.
There is hope though: the UW-System is productive at a couple things: churning out increasingly worthless graduates, producing meaningful research, playing a huge role in the local and statewide economy, among other things. But they could be better.
What would I do if I ran a college?
1. I'd take in fewer students, lowering class sizes, allowing professors more time to focus on professoring. Time to do research. Time to engage students, and be engaged by students. We all learn differently and at different levels, accounting for that takes time.
2. Bye-bye tenure. Not doing consistent and solid research, not running extracurricular or enriching programs, clubs, or activities - then you're not tenured. There are shitty tenured professors out there. Deny that all you want, but it's the truth. Often, tenure is a direct gateway to professional sloth.
3. Administrative and operations employees no longer get paid for checking facebook. No more sending three employees to plug in a computer (I'm serious). You want your office painted, you do it yourself.
4. Professors can fire students (potentially after earning an Associate's degree). College is a privilege and not a right. If after reasonable effort to correct performance in higher level/major classes, the professor can choose to boot the kid's ass out, with a prorated refund of course. There will have to be an effective academic counseling department established to determine the root cause of the shitty student performance and work to correct it. Bottom line, college isn't for everybody.
5. Professors get a raise! Yay! And they get merit based raises! Just like in the real world!
6. More financial assistance for poor people! One idea: partner with local businesses that are looking for bright young people and tie financial aid into internships and job offers. Have industry foot some of the bill for talent and education; think of it as backwards-facing tuition reimbursement.
I don't know much about the economics of running a college, but I know common sense often times makes for a pretty goddamn good starting point. Also, actually valuing people seems to be a pretty sweet way to do things.
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