it finally happened

Somebody used the word "microaggressions" in casual conversation. 

With a straight face. 

In a totally non-ironic fashion. 

I heard it. 

I was there. 

Up until this point, I'd only ever heard of "microaggressions" in shoddy journalism, never in like a real-life scenario.

Semi-thankfully I was wearing sunglasses so my reaction was half-masked. Well probably more like almost fully obscured. I tend to make exaggerated facial expressions with my eyes more than anything. So aside from a probably audible chuckle, my reaction may have gone unnoticed.

Here in Northwestern Wisconsin, trends tend to arrive a little after they hit in more metropolitan areas. And they might often be more of a caricature of the original idea. And in this situation, well I guess in any situation where one might feel micro-agressed-upon, the high probability of it being a caricature is certainly non-zero, dangerously approaching certainty.

I don't remember the full word-for-word offending conversation here, but it was relating to this chick going for a walk and tripping on the sidewalk and something about racism or the Patriarchy or Whatever.

fitting in is hard

But I'm trying man. It's been tough, but I've managed to include certified Chippewa Valley Normie language in just about every correspondence over the last week and a half and I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Referring to obvious non-sirs as "sir", was probably the first and easiest step to take in this transition. This aspect has been seamless.

After that super easy (shit, the "super"lative!) first step, I graduated to incorporating the ever popular and clearly incorrect usage of "myself" on it's own. Unironically adding it to the gratuitous, "circle back to follow up and loop myself in" phrase was a breeze.

I hate who I am becoming, but to put it simply, it's been liberating.

But shoot man, I am like one plural noun with an apostrophe away from wryly wearing Hey Dude shoe's.

Stay tuned for updates on this journey as I learn to live my current chosen truth.

guess I just never thought people really believed it

I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I'm kinda blown away, but I was recently taken aback by the revelation that people really believe stuff in the bible. 

All my life, I just kinda thought that religious people or people that think they're religious were always like "heh cool", and were just hanging out for the community aspect. Like a "wink, nod" kinda thing among friends. Disclaimer, I spent first through third grade in catholic school.

But it hit me recently, "holy shit, people really believe this". Like, I think there are people that genuinely believe an omnipresent ghost-like super-being created the Earth six thousand years ago and that dudes were fighting dinosaurs. I always just likened it to being similar to how children like cartoons. Can't knock it too hard though cause it was pretty sweet in high school when my friend and I hitched a ride with a church group to go see MxPx in scuzzy bar in Milwaukee. Punk rock, man.

It's not like those of us that don't believe that stuff don't actually see any value in religion. The community aspect is definitely there. There's some pretty reasonable but often ignored morals that humanity needs. It's convenient to explain away things that are hard to understand; I guess that's a way to live or whatever.

Even modern religions like diversity & trans fetishism and then like the whole anti-vaxxing/anti-masking doctrines are really similar. It's just a community of people that actively choose to believe things that simply aren't real. 

But yeah, again, I can see the appeal or comfort in following these kinds of myths.

is it a dogwhistle?

All this talk and blog posting about small weiners and big pickup trucks, got me thinking about yep, small weiners and big pickup trucks. But like, the backing-a-huge-pickup-truck-into-a-parking-spot thing, I'm curious if that's like the Jeep Wave, but for those with micro-peens.

It's like dogwhistling a "what's up" to a certain segment of the micro-peen population.

In what ways can other segments of the micro-peen population dogwhistle each other? Really makes ya wonder.

questions and answers

The other day I whipped out my pocket knife to cut open a box. My five year old noticed this, and asked, "Daddy, why do you always carry a knife?"

Because I am incapable of answering a question, and generally always do things wrong (have been for the last 40+ years), HeckYeahWoman jumped in and said something about how useful and handy it is to carry a knife.

As it turns out, that was not the complete answer. Yeah, my reason for carrying a knife is related to how useful it is, but for so much more than just opening a package. I like to think that it opens up opportunities too. I went on to explain my reasoning:

You see, whenever I am out and about in public, and if I have a couple extra minutes, heck sometimes I even make time, I like to pull the old "finger through the toilet paper" trick. And before she could ask what that "finger through the toilet paper" trick is, I explained. Check this out, if I have an extra couple minutes, I'll hop into a public restroom, go into a stall, get out my knife, and poke a tiny slit in each square of the already thin and cheap toilet paper. This will make it easy for the finger(s) of that toilet paper's user to burst through one or two squares, putting finger to butthole, the ultimate indecency when shitting in a public bathroom. I then meticulously roll up the slightly altered toilet paper, and place it back into the dispenser.

And what does my daughter say after this quick tutorial on being awesome? She said, "Papa, that's really clever; I want to do that when I am old enough to use a knife".

thought it might be funny

Speaking/thinking of tiny wieners a week or two ago, I had a funny thought as I completed my daily ritual of rereading my last fifteen posts.

Thought it'd be funny to buy an electric vehicle and back it into parking spots next to huge pickup trucks.

But like one of those small beta-looking hatchback ones, like a Kia or Hyundai or something.

Maybe not that funny, sorry.

passing

Just thought of a new TikTok trend called "passing".

Millennials and teens film themselves swallowing various items with the intention of shitting the items out, and then retrieving them from their feces. I can see this taking on a "challenge" element - who can pass the most expensive, exotic, dangerous, challenging, sharp & pokey, biggest, etc. thing. 

Wonder if it would be limited to inanimate objects. Probably not.

My guess is that most of these folks will miss the actual shitting of the item. People want instant gratification, and waiting the 1.71 days for it to pass is going to result in some kids swallowing a mouse, and then eagerly and unsuccessfully digging through their very next dump while a mouse turns his bowels into an entraily hamster wheel.

Or some kid gets bold and swallows his mom's expensive jewelry. After the first unsuccessful attempt at passing, kid gets nervous, his older sibling catches wind of what's happening, and sees an opportunity. As the swallowing kid gets more and more desperate after another couple desperate and fruitless forced shits, older sibling starts filming these episodes, which culminates in either the swallowing kid performing self-surgery to recover the jewelry, or the mom getting involved, taking more drastic and brutal measures to reclaim what is rightfully hers. Either way, this evolves into 10/10 content. 

Plot twist: the swallowed jewelry is an expensive diamond necklace that was a gift to the mom from the man she cheated on swallowing kid's father with, which began a bitter divorce that profoundly impacted the swallowing kid.

What about Passing getting taken to the next level, "treasure hunting"? Kid posts a video of himself swallowing a valuable object, only to then have a group of treasure hunters track him down and forcefully extract it.

Don't forget to wash your hands and clean the shit out from under your fingernails.