Monday, February 20, 2012

observations from the krog

Every Sunday I go grocery shopping at the Kroger just down the road. And every Sunday I observe something kind of messed up there. And unlike every Sunday, I actually remembered to write it down, to share with you, kind reader.

So, here are four totally true observations from yesterday.

1. Oh wow, the bagger/employee that is there every Sunday got a great new hairstyle! Great highlights!

Wait a minute; that's a not really nice highlight job on your hair.

That's actually your scalp showing through your thin hair, giving the illusion of blond highlights, contrasting with your dyed red hair.

:(

2. Dawg, your girl is obviously out of your league. I honestly have no idea why you are yelling at her like that in public. Ok, maybe he wasn't yelling, cause if that was the case I woulda had to ask him to use his inside voice.

But like, when you're that much of a pud, no matter what your hot girlfriend does to you, it probably doesn't require a forceful, angry conversation like that.

Wait, unless she was the one who...

3. Filled the shopping cart with at least 12 Campbell's Chunky soups. No kidding, there were a shitload of huge cans of Campbell's Chunky soups. Totally took me aback.

I mean, the cart was left kind of unattended, in the vicinity of the arguing couple, so I assumed it was theirs. Unless it belongs to the portly fellow immediately below.

4. A shopper was checking out the baked goods. Not really groundbreaking, but seeing a tubby nerd eyeballing the red velvet cake was worth quite a chuckle to myself. Sometimes it's the simple things.

Other things of note from the weekend: I got a fantastic haircut; seriously, I'm PUMPED. This is what my hair looks like in my dreams at night. BOOM. In fact I left the salon looking so awesome with my hair styled so tight that you know I had to skip the gym and get out in public to be seen.

Also Heckyeahwoman and I were planning on making brats and sausage on Sunday, but our meat grinder was missing a part. Total bummer cause we bought over 6 lbs of pork to grind and make into tastiness. No worries though, the part has been ordered and we are tentatively planning to bust this shit out on HUMP DAY evening. Smell me.

My dad and stepmom sent us a package with like six (6) bottles of delicious wine, so I had to run to FedEx to pick that spit up. And on my way I ran into a homeboy from work. But the wine is really awesome.

Overall, a nice little weekend.

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