Wednesday, January 25, 2012

HUMP DAY PUMP UP

Even though things in my life are generally looking up, it's nice to keep perspective. With that said, please allow me to rain on your parade with a couple wet, sloppy shits of typed-up bad news.

First, Prince Fielder just signed with the Detroit Tigers. Kinda good because he's out of the NL, and not really on a contender. But kinda bad because he showed that he really is a money hungry whoreslut. I hope he breaks vedge on a salmonella-tainted chicken wing.

OWNED.

Whatever though, the Tigers way overpaid for his services (sup, you think you're the Angels, bros?) - over $200 million for nine years. I'm not sure if the Tigers are blind, but someone that overweight should never be paid over $200 million for nine years to do anything that doesn't require a lot of sitting.

And we're still dealing with the fallout from the Ryan Braun alleged 'roid rage/herp-derp meds scandal.

On the plus side, the Brew Crew signed former Cubs player Aranus Ramirez. Note the spelling of the first name, non-sports fans; his name is Aramis. I made a funny haha.

Next, and way more importantly, my computer almost died. Like, I thought it was a goner. Then somehow I got home this evening, and here it is, working. Like nothing ever happened.

So now I'm in the market for a laptop. But not just any laptop. My brother got a new one that has HD and 3-D. It was sweet. I want one like that.

But at probably around $2,000, that probably won't happen, cause Heckyeahwoman immediately vetoed that idea. In fact, right after I asked her, I've never seen such a pretty face turn sour so fast. She didn't even have to speak and I knew I wasn't getting a sick 3-D, HD computer-machine-from-the-future.

PUMPDOWN, FRIENDS

To be fair, we both agreed that I would probably never use either of the 3-D or HD features cause I don't watch movies or game furiously on my laptop. Fuck you, sound logic and good judgement. For real, fuck you both and you better start leaving my wife alone.

And for some reason, my computer hates youtube vids, so when my buddy sent me a link to the following vid, and I opened it, my computer peculiarly crashed so hard like right away. Needless to say, I'm pretty pissed at my friend.



SO PISSED THAT I'M GOING TO JOIN HIM AND HIS WIFE AND MY WIFE AT THIS TASTY ETHIOPIAN RESTAURANT THAT WE'VE BEEN WANTING TO HIT. AND WE'LL PROBABLY HAVE A NICE DINNER.

Yeah pussies.

And cause you know we hate to end on a sour note:



OK and we're on a roll here:



Those last two videos were done by the dude who is responsible for this classic 90's album/song/band!



Sorry I jacked off outside your window!

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