Friday, January 20, 2012

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! / regular post

Today is my dad's birthday. Please join me in wishing HeckyeahDad a happy birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! I hope you have a great day and "The Gift" should be arriving sometime today!

And with no association to my father's birthday today, please keep reading for the first ever HAHA YOU'RE DEAD!

We should first note that we hate to find joy in people dying (OK that's not totally true). Most of the people below had family that surely mourns their passing, with Amy Winehouse of course being the exception.

While we're not celebrating the death of the following people per se, we're celebrating the mourning of their adoring fans. We're celebrating idols when idols meet their mortality, and the ensuing, yet always laughable grief of their worshipers.

If you find being dead to be in poor taste, you might look elsewhere. You might also start trying to come to grips with it, because sooner or later you yourself are gonna be in poor taste, tasting poorly.

First up, we have a famous atheist that is famous for being an atheist, Christopher Hitchens. He is proof positive that boldly promoting your atheism, and then mentioning it again and again is a surefire way to be taken serious by people that fancy themselves intellectuals.

To be honest, I often confuse Mr. Hitchens with another famous atheist that is famous for being an atheist, Michael Shermer. And while I have met Mr. Shermer, even joked with him to the abject horror of my wife, well, that's about it really.

Considering his furious atheism, I find it kind of funny that as I type this up, I'm sitting here cursing the fact that I'm running dangerously low on whiskey: "goddamnit". Goddamnit, Mr. Hitchens, goddamnit indeed.

Also meeting her demise in the previous annum, my favorite junkie and yours, Amy Winehouse. As famous for her crappy music as for keeping the tabloids in business from 2007 - 2011 with her drinkin' and a-druggin' she met her END with booze and drugs, or maybe just booze. Or maybe a chainsaw to the face. #wishfulthinking

Check out this gem from E! Online:

British coroner Suzanne Greenway announced today that the 27-year-old suffered a "death by misadventure" on July 23, and that her passing was an "unintended consequence" of accidental alcohol poisoning.

Death by misadventure. Would love some clarification on that great new term.

I don't care, sometimes I thought she was kinda hot. And you know what else, Adele is way better at music, and if she (Adele) lost a little bit of weight, she'd be way hotter too. Until then, I gotta go with junkie chic over chubby redhead.

Apologies, this is about Amy Winehouse and celebrating her...dismemory? Unlegacy? Scraggly, floppy, dangly bananaboobies?

And the creme de la creme of deaths that are awesome because people sucked at the dong of the deceased in question: Steve Jobs.

The sheer fact that a book about Steve Jobs, his biography, can be found at Urban Outfitters is reason enough to celebrate. If you die, and your biography is on sale at Urban Outfitters for something crazy like $34.99, you fucking suck. End of story. If you are price gouging hipster dipshits even from the afterlife, I really - wait a minute, that's fucking awesome.

Steve Jobs, sorry you died, bro.

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