Wow, I feel like I may have posted this already, but we hain't got time to check.
Just wanted to send out a quick apology to my mother.
See, when my brother and I were growing up, my mom would always yell at us for peeing all around and all over the toilet. Naturally I thought it was my brother, and he probably thought it was me. My parents are divorced, so I wouldn't be shocked if my mom also thought it was my dad sneaking in at night and pissing wildly all over.
But most of the time she would yell at us, my broth'r and I. Though it's not like she'd be yelling furiously, more just reminding us to pee in the toilet, rather than on it. To be fair, having to not only share a house with my brother and I, but raise us, I commend her for not hanging herself.
I remember being so adamant that it wasn't me, thinking that I always pee inside the toilet bowl, and it had to be my brother. I'd be so shocked that she would accuse me of something so vile.
Well recently, I had an epiphany: it was probably both of us.
Living with my wife for the last 6+ years, and knowing that she doesn't have a wiener to pee all over everything, I see the splash on the rim of the terlet, and I can acknowledge to myself that yeah, I am guilty. I have been guilty.
And I will continue to be guilty.
So mom, if you're reading this: you were right, I was partly to blame for the pee around the toilet. I'm sorry.
But that crazy poop spatter that always found its way onto the inside of the bowl, and on the bottom of the toilet seat, and sometimes on the floor - totally not me.