Monday, December 5, 2011

secret santa

OK, first I have to apologize, after a relatively nice weekend, you'd think I'd be in good spirits this morning. Of course that's completely looking past the fact that it's Monday morning, however unsurprising that may be. Both the Monday morning part and the angry part.

Most of you probably have jobs and most of you have probably participated in a secret santa thing either at work or any time throughout grade school. Well have you ever stopped to think about how stupid it is?

Sounds good at first, but think about what it entails. After signing up, you put together a list of things you want, probably in the $10-20 range. At the same time, you receive a list from another willing participant. Then, closer to Christmas, you give the gifts to the appropriate recipient.

So really the only surprise is who actually will give you the gift. Who actually looked at your list, selected the easiest-to-procure gift? WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T YOU JUST GO OUT AND BUY ONE ITEM FROM YOUR LIST?

Gift giving on Birthdays and Christmas or whatever is a lot less "binding" than a secret santa. Like you can get me a sweet Birthday gift this year and it'll probably be years before I even acknowledge your birth, you still-unborn-to-me shitheads. But with secret santa, there are two (2) sides contributing a roughly equal (dollar) value gift. That make sense?

When you wittingly enter into a secret santa, you know what you're getting and you know what you're giving. That's not fun.

I love receiving gifts, solicited, listed, begged for, or otherwise. No question. But I bet you'd be surprised to learn that I actually enjoy giving them too. Not in the traditional, obligated, designated sense though. Like if I see something that just hits me like, "woah, I bet ****** would love this!", I would totally buy it and be really PUMPED to give it.

But the instances that I'd ever be thinking about someone else, 'specially while out shopping for myself, are so few and far between. You get the gist though.

I don't know, maybe if there's some slut at the office, and you want to blow her mind by going above and beyond in the secret santa gift exchange. You know, something to let her know you're DTF, to see if she's DTF as well. But that's assuming you lucked out and drew her name. Also assuming you're not a huge fucking pussy and took that extra step past buying her the stupid Ped Egg she had listed.

If you really want to impress people and do the right thing, next time you're invited to a secret santa, decline in favor of donating to an animal shelter. And please remember, if you're in earshot of a potential slore, make sure your intentions are audible.

Bottom line, you are deluding yourself if you think that people are actually excited to buy you a gift (from a list you wrote!) or give you anything at all. The Secret Santa is just a cheap way for you to receive a gift, under the guise of reciprocal, heartfelt, faux-holiday cheer gift-giving.

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