Some of you may have seen my recent facebook post about the unfortunate young man crying outside the gym.
Yes, a twenty-something, sweaty guy in a light gray tank top and black or blue gym shorts was standing outside the Ypsilanti Planet Fitness, crying. Crying. There was also a small gym bag chilling on the curb right next to him, presumably his.
I have no idea what the crying was about, nor do I care. I just know that I am EXTREMELY PUMPED THAT I'M NOT HIM.
And I think you should be EXTREMELY PUMPED THAT YOU'RE NOT HIM TOO!
For all I know, those could have been SUPER PUMPED TEARS OF JOY FROM WATCHING THIS VIDEO ON HIS SMARTPHONE
Truth is, I'm only about 95% sure he was even crying. His face was flushed and his eyes were kind of red and puffy. Could have been from a just finished xBRUTALxWORKOUTx or more likely, the result of a very emotional phone call with his crazy ex-girlfriend.
We'll never know, but I walked right past that chump, sneered, gave a brief but obvious look of disgust, and had a serious hour-long fat burning sesh. And in case you're wondering, yeah, I was PUMPED.
If you haven't made the connection to the above video, you're the octopus. Yes, you are slimy, red and kinda ominous looking. The boat is the rest of the week, and the water is that ever elusive PUMP. You know what to do here, GET PUMPED AND DON'T EVER GET CAUGHT CRYING OUTSIDE YOUR SKETCHY GYM.