[DISCLAIMER]: this was originally meant to be posted last HUMP DAY, but due to reckless partying, it never happened. Also due to trying unsuccessfully to sneak in an update on my mother in law's ipad. Also due to just plain forgetting.
I don't have time for a bunch of text 'n shit, let the pictures and vids do the PUMPING.
But rest assured that I hope you had the PUMPIEST Thanksgiving ever. [editor's note: I hope you ate so much turkey that you shit yourself.]
Let's get back to what Thanksgiving was supposed to be about: BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING!
AND HANGING A SHITLOAD OF MOTHERFUCKERS!
"how's it hangin?"
We don't have time for a history lesson or any BORING shit like that, but if a little genocidal slaughter every once in a while doesn't get your blood boiling, then you're probably a commie sympathizer.
Get PUMPED for the GENOPUMP!
"how now brown cow"
After associating death and genocide with Thanksgiving, I think it's important to note that I'm not trying to make any political statement or historical statement or anything. I'm just trying to think of holiday-themed things that PUMP ME UP.
Lookit these assholes! It's like Insane Clowne Posse circa 1835!
Wait, Insane Clown Posse!? Wat!?
You know, I hope you didn't actually listen to that song. Despite the comedic stylings of those two clown cockpits, brain cells are known to be killed through aural exposure to their music.
But I hope that you are SO PUMPED that you don't even care about nothin' as winter descends upon us. Let the PUMP help you effortlessly shovel your car out from where the snowplow plowed you in.
Let the PUMP keep you warm as your thermostat-controlling landlord refrains from heating the apartment.
Let the PUMP keep you cool as the sweet space-heater you bought for the bathroom cranks out the fuckin' heat holy shit.
Let the HOLIDAY PUMP keep you free from mudslinging as you wish a hearty "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to known atheist fuckheads and say things like "holiday tree" and "happy holidays" and "fuck your pisschrist" to loudmouth Christians.
Here's to backwards boners, friends.