Friday, November 4, 2011

facebook quotes

Quotations are all over facebook. Whether it's people posting quotes on a wall, a friend's wall or actually filling out the "favorite quotes" section, it's inescapable.

You are bound to have a friend or fifty that will inevitably post a quote from a famous thinker, scientist, sports star, president, or anybody else from the huge assortment of assholes and dipshits that many look to for quick-fix philosophy. Now I'm not saying that each member of this particular group of poorly-plagiarized-in-practice thinkers don't have anything novel to offer our society; I'm saying the poor plagiarizers usually don't.

That same person (or persons) will probably do this multiple times. And this posting and reposting of quotations has a cumulative effect, making this friend look like more and more of an asshole.

It is my belief that this philosophy-in-a-quotation obsession stems from people looking for something profound in a sentence or phrase. And of course once one believes he or she has found something profound or life-changing, it automatically needs to be shared. It's almost like people have an auto-share function that is embedded into their genes and has been activated by the rise of social media. But we're not here to pontificate on social media and its role in our society.

We're here to talk about how stupid most people are, and how they truly think they can find their own personal salvation, religious or otherwise, at the end of a sentence, paragraph, or even a book.

There is no known shortcut to a sudden promotion, finding sudden love, sudden riches, suddenly discovering the meaning of life, or probably sudden anything awesome. The Golden Rule, Aristotle, Jesus, Michael Jordan, The Lord Our Heavenly Father Barrack Obama, nobody, nothing - none of these offer a can of instant LIFETIME PUMP.

You know who does? You do. While we're not going to go into any new age self help crap about how you control your own destiny and blah blah blah, we'd like to point out that the author pretty much hates everybody.

But Mr. President and CEO (and now acting Director of Operations) of Heckyeahman INC, what about you? Are you above reproach? Short answer: yes. Longer answer: I do have a quote on my facebook page.

"I can't blame you for your utter weakness, but you can't blame me for my disgust."

Or, DISGUST - for emphasis.

I chose that quote not because I believe it to be profound; I chose it because I believe it perfectly matches the constant sneer on my face.

And cause this song is fucking awesome:

Also, one last note, if your quotation is a song lyric from a Country-Western singer from later than 1990*, that's immediate suicide-time.

*Date chosen because while I'm not very familiar with Country-Western music, I do believe that to be the year of the last relevant output from Randy Travis or George Strait, the artists immediately preceding the "huge pop-country" boom.

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