Wednesday, October 26, 2011

HDPU: I'M SO SORRY

THE SPORTS PUMP REFUSES TO END

AS THE LIONS REFUSE TO WIN!

And unfortunately Jim Schwartz declined another post-game meltdown.

But that won't halt the SPORTSPUMP!

Nah, watch as dude's own offensive lineman CRUSHES his ankle. THE QUARTERBACK'S OFFENSIVE LINEMAN PUTS A MEATY, HEFTY FOOT RIGHT ON THE QB'S CANKLE!

UNBELIEVABLE



No worries, Matty Ryan gets up, walks off the field, moons the fans, creeps into the tunnel and emerges on the next series to toss a sick pass to some weird wide receiver like he never missed a beat!

Then we got some cracker ass mothereffer delivering a blow to the nuts of a Packers O-lineman. Not sure about the backstory, but this dude, laying on his back, gives TJ Lang's nuts the boot. What, do the Vikings think they're the Steelers or Lions now? GTFO!



No WORRIES, ARODGE WENT ON TO SHREDDDDD THAT DEFENSE AND WIN THE GAME FOR THE PACK AND FOR MY FANTASY TEAM!

You've seen NFL kickers NAIL 60 yard field goals in overtime to win the game. But have you ever seen a kicker NAIL a return man like Neil Rackers does right here?



Rail thin, dad-haired, whiteboy hondydonk mofo PUT THE HAMMER DOWN ON THAT PLAY.

That's right, for the rest of this week, as shitty as it may be, as horrible as your life probably is, you need to summon your inner dad-hair, your inner cracker, your inner skindleton and PUT THE HAMMER DOWN ON THE REST OF THIS CRAP FILLED WEEK.

After that insane PUMP, I hate to leave on a low-note, but I just want to remind you that no matter how awesome things are, one day, the circle of life will complete itself on you; you will be the fuel for something else to live. And if that circle of life just so happens to be the death of you (think shark, lion, bear or vicious snake attack), well, I just goddamn hope somebody caught it on video and puts it up on Youtube.

OK, one last SPORTSPUMP brought to you buy the original SPORTSTHUGPUMPER, Alan Iverson, with some help from a couple of his SPORTSPUMP friends.

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