Thursday, October 20, 2011


I don't claim to be knowledgeable about any of the authors mentioned below; I'm just going on a gut feeling as I share my two cents on a couple demographics of people.

Kurt Vonnegut fans - I have never read a Kurt Vonnegut book. Ever. I may someday and think he's the best author ever. If that happens, I might spontaneously combust back into my 1990's high school and be a fucking nerd virgin that doesn't know shit about anything. I couldn't tell you Mr. Vonnegut's writing style, his politics, anything he's written, anything about him at all. There's a good chance that I hate the people who enthusiastically read him because I envision his books as a gateway to getting heavily involved in the sci-fi scene.

Grey's Anatomy viewers - [disclaimer: my wife "likes" this show; she is exempt] I hate this television show. However, unlike most of the garbage on this list, I am familiar. Quite familiar. True story here, one time a buddy of mine and I had girlfriends that watched Grey's. So the four of us watched it one night. Together. Only it got so bad that my buddy and I retreated to his spare bedroom and talked about downloading music. It was so bad that we didn't even download any music, we merely discussed the best methods for obtaining illegal downloads. Pathetic. If you are a fan of Grey's Anatomy, you are probably a chick. And are probably fat. Or hot. Or medium-hot. Doesn't matter, because broads of all hotness levels are inexplicably drawn to this show.

Chuck Palahniuk readers - Again, never read any of this dude's books. I watched Fight Club, thought it was kinda boring, and got on with my life. This is another one of those guilty by association deals. You a huge Palahuniak fan? You probably really suck. You are also probably a turd that thinks you're so cosmo, going to art shows while pretending to appreciate abstract art. Words cannot describe.

Youtube commenters - [editor's note: this particular commentary was removed by the CEO of heck yeah, man llc due to the racially charged nature.]

Jack Kerouac fans - Again, never read anything by Jack Kerouac. Haha, most of you are probably wondering whether I even read a book in middle or high school. I did. But I didn't read much then. I do more now. I actually have a theory that Jack Kerouac, Kurt Vonnegut and Chuck Palahniuk are all the same person. Despite the three of them being in various states of "alive", ranging from not to definitely, I remain convinced they may be the same person.

Dancing With the Stars fans - Never seen this show and never will. Unfortunately, I've twice seen an upcoming season's cast "leaked" during a television show. Yeah, the show I was watching was interrupted so the two dimwit hosts announce the new cast. I don't know what's worse, being actively interested in a show about shining -sub-stars DANCING, or being tricked into believe the d-listers on the show are actually stars. Chaz Bono, Ron Artest, some lady I've never heard of. Who the fuck are these people? Both the contestants and the fans.

Any other groups of fans that you'd like a commentary on?


Beer said...

I am admitted Chuck Palahniuk fan, though a bit more jaded by his latest books. Anyway, you nailed it. 100% spot-on.

Anonymous said...

some facts about jack kerouac. he died at 47 BECAUSE HE WAS SO FUCKING DRUNK ALL THE FUCKING TIME. he also did shit tons of drugs. he wrote "on the road" on one giant roll of paper in three weeks. in on the road when theyre in mexico they totally take over a whorehouse for an afternoon, smoking a joint so big its rolled in a BROWN PAPER BAG. in desolation angels he writes about fucking the shit out of a 14yrold hoer and then covering his junk in magical anti-skank creme so his wang doesnt fall off. and so on, and so forth. anyway, pretty good reads overall.

kurt vonnegut is too optimistic/humanitarian by far, but that doesn't mean you cant enjoy, for instance, time travel, aliens, and PTSD in "slaughterhouse five" or various doomsday scenarios like ice-9 and the the remnants of humanity evolving into flatulent seal-like creatures. or how about (from wikipedia entry on breakfast of champions): "Dwayne reads the novel, which purports to be a message from the Creator of the Universe explaining that the reader - in this case Dwayne - is the only individual in the universe with free will. Everyone else is a robot. Dwayne believes the novel to be factual and immediately goes on a violent rampage, severely beating his son, his lover, and nine other people before being taken into custody." best if read before age 16 (which is invariably the case).

palahniuk: is a douche, mental masturbation for 15yrold boys. "i hate my dad, the modern world is really getting me down, im so edgy that high school kids might punch each other or put their asshole on pool filters or whatever the fuck"

network tv: waste of life, try sleeping, fucking, or playing russian roulette as a solo drinking game instead of watching anything on tv.

woohoo im commenting, look at me go!!!