Friday, September 16, 2011

the simple joys of being strong

McDonald's is just begging me to go on a woman-beating spree. What? Yeah.

Watching TV a little bit over the last couple nights, this stupid advertisement would come on at least once or twice an hour.

And it would consistently piss me off.

I don't know if you're seeing what I'm seeing, but the dimwitted husband is making small talk, and his wife automatically assumes the worst -that he's scheming to get out of doing some menial task - painting the garage. Like she even thinks highly enough of him, that he'd be able to scheme about anything.

So she jumps all over him with "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH fine then I guess we'll do the alternate weather-proof activity."

Let's face the facts here:

1. It's a commercial featuring a husband and wife.
2. Television advertisement relationship rules are now in play: the wife is hotter and smarter and the husband is dumber and goofier.

Yeah. Anyway, dude gets unintentionally outsmarted by his wife.

Now picture this, if I were that guy, owned by his wife in front of millions of television viewers like that, I woulda reacted.

Say this in a nasally, yet kind of hostile voice: FUGGIN' REEEEE-AAAAAACT-TIIIIIIID

I'd get that crazy look in my eyes, stand up, flip the table over, point my finger in her stupid fragile face and scream at the top of my lungs "DON'T YOU TRY TO ACT BETTER THAN ME!" Then I'd calmly walk to the unfreshly painted garage, grab the biggest wrench I could find, and beat that slut to death with it.

As the camera pans out over her bloody corpse, the man's voice is heard: "The simple joys of being smart? Heh, the simple joys of being stronger".

And one last thing, how insulted are you that Mickey D's would suggest that merely purchasing anything from a dollar menu makes you smart? I can go to the park a block away and literally shovel dog shit into my mouth for hours on end, for free, and it has roughly the same nutritional value as anything on that goddamn dollar menu; does that make me smart?

No, it just makes me pissed off.

But then a couple weeks ago, this commercial would be on multiple times per hour, and suddenly the world is a better place.

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