Wednesday, September 21, 2011


What do we have in this world if we don't have time? I don't know and I don't care. No time to get all deep and thoughtful. Just time to get PUMPED.

It's true, in my new found unemployment, I am keeping busy. Very busy. Heckyeahwoman's got things for me to do, I got things to do, and it's so much harder to do them while sleeping till at least noon every day!

One of the things I'm NOT doing a lot of is watching tons of TV. Since my unemployment over the last week and a half, I've probably watched about 20 minutes of TV during the day. And that's great cause I hate TV, along with a lot of other people-related things.

Lucky for us, I did manage to flip on the boob tube at just the right time - to catch this 30 second PUMPvertisement. Watch this commercial and tell me if you don't just PUMP yourself into a WTF-induced frenzy right around :025!

OK, the question I'm sure you're asking yourself is, WHO THE FUCK IS MORT CRIM AND WHY SHOULD I MENTION HIM? EVER?

Mention some creepy old dude and get a discount!

Does that work everywhere? Is MORT CRIM some universal name to be dropped for deals? Can I go to JC Penneys and just start blurting out MORT CRIM, MORT CRIM mid-checkout? Will that automatically give me the hook up?

What if when I'm paying my credit card online, I close my eyes and whisper MORT CRIM seven times, will that Ctrl+Z my charges?

Either way, I'm going to be belching out MORT CRIM at every available opportunity, discount or not. Mid-sentence, during job interviews, over dinner with my wife, when my mom calls, doesn't matter.


Old MORT CRIM has got my PUMP juices a-flowin'!

This next video was one of the suggested videos from the previous, and if you know anything about me, you know that racism and stereotypes are two of my favorite things that PUMP ME UP. After all, you wouldn't have racism without stereotypes, and you couldn't have the latter without a GOOD FUCKING REASON!

Get PUMPED as a younger, much creepier MORT CRIM look-a-like goes on with his mildly racist schtick.

Imagine my UNPUMP when I learned that the above video was a parody, and not intended to make anybody feel bad! Bummer! Still, if you're not feeling the PUMP at :28, when the little Indian parody guy pops across the bottom of the screen, I couldn't begin to fathom how joyless your life is!

C'mon, indulge a little, GET PUMPED!

And tell me if this isn't the catchiest goddamn song to PUMP you through these dreary, unemployed times.

No comments: