Thursday, August 11, 2011

when a pin meant so much

Quick little vacation story here...from our vacation - a couple weeks ago.

The motel we were staying at had an awesome breakfast diner that we hit each of the three mornings. I CRUSHED breakfast everyday. And yet over the past goddamn month I've managed to lose weight. A little backstory: I've been eating like a horse that hates his body.


You know how when you're on vacation, and a quaint little restaurant or hotel or whatever will have a map on the wall, with a bunch of pins stuck in it? You can stick a pin into the map to designate where you're from.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Anyway, this little breakfast joint, attached to an eight room motel, had one of those maps.

And as we were destroying our b-fast, a middle aged balding dude walked up, presumably to stick a pin in the map.

Only instead of taking immediate action and getting back to the fun part of his vacation (eating shitloads of breakfast bacon and beaching it up), he just stood there. Almost perplexed. Not quite as perplexed as I was.

Dude picked up a pin, looked at the map, kinda confused, looked at the pin in his hand, looked up longingly at the map again. The looks on his faces are just educated guesses, as he had his back to us. But you know how you can tell, right.

Suddenly he was joined by what I assume was his wife. Another woman of a middling level of obesity and age. And judging by the way they quickly huddled together to most likely discuss where to strategically place the pin, she was of average intelligence. This isn't rocket science.

Seriously, it was almost like a huddle, they way they were plotting and planning the sticking of the pin.

First thought was that this guy didn't know where the hell to stick the pin - this could be for one of two reasons - he is just a geographically challenged fuckup or he wanted to make a statement with his pin placement. Being the cynical asshole that I am, well, I don't really know which one would be more cynical. I can just picture the brief conversation.

Him: Honey, where should I put this pin?

Her: We're from Iowa, just stick it somewhere in Des Moines.

Him (sad): Nobody cares that we're from Iowa.

Her (annoyed): We're in Northern Michigan.

Him (clueless): Yeah, but who cares about a Midwestern family vacationing in the Midwest?

Her (getting angry): Just put the fucking pin in the fucking map you impotent little bitch. Jesus Christ you are as indecisive as your stupid mother in law holy shit why the fuck did I ever marry you?

Him (confused): But nobody cares.

Either way, I got distracted by my wife, the bacon, my eggs, her sausage and gravy or whatever. Point is I missed the actual pin stabbing the map. In the blink of an eye, you can miss so much.

I'll never know which of those couple hundred pins on that map belongs to that wayward couple. And even worse, I'm not totally convinced that I even care.

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