Monday, August 29, 2011

short weekend wrap-up

Hey I hope everybody had a great weekend. I sat inside with the air conditioning on HIGH, the shades pulled, lights off and cried. Was really cleansing.

See, that's the kind of fun married 30 year olds have when their wives are out of town.

In my tear-filled, chilled euphoria, I thought of a couple things that just don't sit well with me: first, the name Doug, and second, pleated pants.

Do you know somebody named Doug? Is that Doug a productive member of society at all? Does he have any socially redeeming qualities? If you answered no and no, you are in the same boat as millions of other Americans that know a Doug.

Please let me list off the few Dougs that I know:

Doug ********* - a fat, worthless schmuck that tried (successfully) to fight somebody bigger than him (my brother). No kidding, Doug pushed my brother's buttons until he got what he wanted, a fight. He wound up getting beat up. Twice.

It's whatever though, if he hadn't instigated the fight, surely his pisspoor name would have gotten him at least a black eye.

I feel like a I knew another Doug, a short, fat kid from elementary school. But he was so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things that I can't even remember. Ha, I bet even his own parents don't remember him.

Second thing that really chaps my assWho besides your dad, and you in 1st - 7th grade, still wears pleated pants? They look like fish gills that aren't functional at all and were added on as a last second embellishment.

Some goober I work with showed up to work with pleated pants one day a couple months back. Yeah. I'm talking the kind of kid that wear skinny jeans, trucker hats and deep v-neck shirts. Then homeboy shows up to the khaki game with pleats. Bush league, son.

Yeah, so another thing, Borders (the Ann Arbor-based book store) is going out of business and all their stores are unloading inventory at insane discounts, like up to 80%. Nothing less than 50%. It's awesome. Went to the first store closing back in March and we made a haul. It was funny, there were tons of Sarah Palin's newest book, "Going Rogue". Not sure why any an Ann Arbor bookstore would stock Sarah Palin-anything; when it comes to politics, this town is primarily made up of quasi-progressive dipshits barely capable of thinking for themselves.

Anyway there were tons of them (the books). Made a casual mention of it to my buddy, and he suggested he'd pick some up and give them as joke gifts. Kinda funny.

That store closed up without him purchasing mass amounts of discounted Sarah Palin books, truly heartbreaking.

This past Friday though, I went to the downtown store to hit their crazy discounts. Told my buddy, and he asked me to grab a couple of the Palin books if they were to be had at a nice discount.

Sure enough, they had a few. I grabbed three.

So there I am, checking out, six books total, half written by Sarah Palin. The same book. Dude at the checkout must have thought I was weird.

It was pretty embarrassing.

#TheAudacityOfHype

This post was cut short because the FUCKING SHITTY GODDAMN INTERNET AT HOME DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK FOR MORE THAN A MINUTE BEFORE CUTTING OUT. I fear that if I continue working like this I'm going to smash this fucking computer.

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