Friday, August 26, 2011

i don't know where to start

Have you ever heard somebody say they didn't do something because they "don't know where to start?"

OK, as you probably guessed, I'm primarily talking about exercising.

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE TO START?!?!?!

Exercising is not hard; just do an activity vigorously enough to break a sweat or to get your heart rate up. Do it for a half an hour, three times a week. BOOM YOU JUST GOT SOME GODDAMN EXERCISE.

Am I missing something?

The funniest is when someone "doesn't know where to start" at the gym.

I don't think there is a more self explanatory or easier-to-use piece of machinery than a treadmill.

THEY HAVE CIRCUIT MACHINES FOR FUCKING IDIOTS THAT DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. And most of the time they have directions on them. Yeah, directions. Instructions. Mind blowing.

The machines have a very strict range of motion that guides you with perfect form. All you have to do is set the weight to some minimal amount so you can bang out three shitty sets and feel good about yourself because you pretended to "workout". Even worse, there are pads all over the goddamn things so your wrinkly, fat skin doesn't even have to think about touching that mean, ugly metal.

Oh, that little curl machine is intimidating? You probably drive a car, a fucking deathtrap on wheels, and that's infinitely more dangerous than the tricep pushdown machine HOLY SHIT DO 100 PUSHUPS RIGHT NOW.

Yeah, but I don't want to be around all those meatheads and I'll look stupid. A couple things here. OK, you already look really stupid with that dumpy ass and those floppy arms. By taking initiative to get a little exercise, it's scientifically impossible to look even stupider. And about 75% of the gym inhabitants at my current gym are people that could definitely stand to lose a couple (hundred) pounds. There are some fit people, but there are just as many unfit people.

Just like the rest of your life, blend into the hungry, sweaty masses and refuse to be anything but mediocre (or worse).

I can't even tell you how many times I've been having a conversation with some fat turd about exercising and they give me that excuse.

I can't even tell you how pissed off I am right now and this is probably going to RUIN MY WEEKEND FUCK

2 comments:

AJk said...

That last sentece confuses me. Is it "going to RUIN MY WEEKEND (comma) FUCK" or will it indeed ruin your weekend you-know-what?

heck yeah, man said...

Thanks for reading! I thought the lack of punctuation in that sentence would convey a sense of chaotic rage. A rage where punctuation matters little, and unleashing the KRAKEN is the number one priorty.

But great, astute observation.