Friday, July 1, 2011

this is what's wrong with america vol 1

Imagine my surprise when I was lurking MSN.com and saw an article with a headline that said something like, "Kiddie Pools Kill".

Huh?

Has there been a rash of Kiddie Pool killings?

Have Kiddie pools suddenly become self aware?

Are Kiddie Pools now hellbent on slaying children?

Nah, just some kids drowning in kiddie pools. Of course once you click on the article, you realize that's not the gist of the article, though it still kind of is.

Now I don't want to make light of parents losing a child, cause I imagine it's pretty tragic. But how THE FUCK DO YOU DROWN IN A FOOT OF WATER?

And if you're small enough to drown in that little bit of water, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

My bad, the parents weren't paying attention. So it's not like "Kiddie Pools" are orchestrating a nationwide string of kid-murders. That headline was kinda misleading.

I was a kid once, and we had kiddie pools growing up. In fact my brother and I had that shit poppin' and packed with neighborhood slores, ages 5-8 or so. Shoot, we crammed upwards of 10 kids into a kiddie pool most summer afternoons, mostly chicks too. My bro and I were macking broads in our pool before we were even old enough to know what macking on broads was.

And you know what? Not one of us drowned. Let me tell you why.

Every time my brother or I even thought about drowning, my dad was right there, hand full of our hair, holding us by our heads yelling at us that drowning is for pussies and he didn't raise no pussies.

Then we got a real pool. A real in-ground swimming pool, much more dangerous than some little kiddie pool. And nobody died in that pool either.

Because when my parents told us to get out of the water, they knew that we would get out, wait for them to go inside, and then creep back in.

So the minute they went inside, they waited a second, turned around, and busted our asses. It was like they knew, man.

That whole parents watching their kids and being responsible thing.

Also, my parents had us take swimming lessons really young. I remember the guy that gave us the lessons was a weirdo lol.

Why this article isn't two sentences, I'll never know. The first sentence should be the stat of how many kids die each summer, the second should be a simple, "Parents need to watch their children at all times when they're in the pool."

Then maybe a little footnote about how all MILFs are required to wear tiny bikinis. MOTORBOATIN' TIME!

1 comment:

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