It's Sunday night and I just texted my wife to see if she was interested in hitting Dairy Queen with me.
She's working in the other room; it was either texting or hitting her on Google Chat. Avoiding personal, face to face conversation OMG.
So we walked to the Q and it was fantastic, what a perfect way to cap off the beautiful weekend. Speaking of the weekend, let's have a quick rundown of the best bits of the last couple days.
Friday morning, got to my car to head to work and saw that it was keyed. Yeah, some fucker keyed my car on the driver's side doors. It's funny, obviously there was malice behind it, he thought he was gonna piss me off, but he was WRONG, MOTHERFUCKER.
What he forgot to consider is that my car is HARD AS NAILS, just like the owner. Yeah, you can scratch the surface all day but those scratches just look like battle scars - battle scars earned by being more awesome than the jealous shits out there that wish they were me.
If you think some pussyass keyjob is going to rile me up, you're wrong. If you want to play with the big boyz, you gotta do big boy things. Let me lay it out for you, keyjob dicksniffer: in this world of shit, you're the dingelberry.
And sooner or later you're gonna get WIPED.
So after that embarrassing attempt at pissing me off, I stopped sweating and went to work. Haha, just kidding I didn't really stop sweating. Wound up grilling out for lunch, playing like 5 games of cornhole and sucking down a couple brewskies. Nice little Friday, beautiful day too.
Got home with every intention of painting this town red, but in reality just took a nap. C'mon now, Heckyeahwoman was taking a nap, and it was hard for me to resist. SO WE NAPPED.
After deciding to stay in, we ordered pizza (JET'S PIZZA ALL DAY), and put in the Netflix we had chilling for a week or two. The good news is that we had a movie, that bad news is that it was Capote, starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
I know I usually do write ups about all the shitty ass movies we watch, and well, this one was no different. It was horrible. Have you ever watched a movie about a guy writing a book? That's what it was, no kidding. It was a movie about a guy writing a book. And the guy writing the book just happened to have the most smarmy, annoying voice ever.
Want your mind blown real quick? I'm going to write a book about a guy making a movie.
(((M I N D B L (((O))) N)))
I know, right.
So yeah, long story short: the movie was so boring that I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up, it was still on! STILL ON. That's how boring it was.
Saturday was wonderful: a great bike ride, shopping, nice little party at with our friends.
Shopping was great, we had 40% off coupons for Banana Republic, so I bought a sweet pair of shorts that I'm probably never going to wear. They fit great, but they're blue khaki shorts and while I had the best of intentions in purchasing them, when I got home, I realized I just don't have any shirts that don't look horrible with them. Just not my style. So I'm going to return them. HYW got a great new black tank top. It's awesome cause she doesn't already have 500 million black tank tops.
Next, JCP had 15% off the entire store so I picked up a couple $7 t-shirts, ferk yeah. And holy crap, this is where what is arguably the pinnacle of the weekend happened.
So I was just chilling in the men's section at JCP and I hear some squabbling. Thinking it was just some teenage couple, I chuckled to myself and thought nothing of it. But the back and forth was getting slightly louder as they approached me. Right as I turn around to tell them to "SHUT THE FERK UP BEFORE THEY GET SHUT THE FERK UP", I see an overweight, kinda balding 40 year old guy tell his 75+ year old mother, "Mom, I'm fuckin' old enough to pick out my own fuckin' clothes".
HOLY LOL! Not sure what his deal was: he could have just been an asshole, his mom could have actually been trying to pick out his clothes for him or maybe he was having a bad day.
Got home, tried to stop sweating (yeah right), ate a quick bite, then headed over to our friends' place for dinner and dranks. You like how I ate before dinner? *** made tacos and they were delicious.
Had fun with our friends, **** made me do three double vodka shots in about 2 hours.
Hello Sunday morning, hello hangover.
Didn't stop me from heading to Target to pick up the Iron Gym pullup bar! Didn't stop me from pounding out thousands of pullups through the rest of Sunday night. Didn't stop me from going on a bad ass bike ride to this fitness trail thing, running for .2 miles, almost puking, then just walking the rest of the way while sweating profusely, and sprinkling a few pushups in so I didn't feel like it was total wasted effort.