Monday, June 13, 2011

weekend wrap-up

Another nice little weekend in the books.

Closed out Friday with a no-show appointment at work. This crazy lady always wants to meet late in the day (she's out in CA, so I understand the time zonez), but her insistence on meeting at 4pm on a Friday afternoon is beyond me.

Also on Friday afternoon, I went to the eye doctor for the first time in probably ten years! The good news is that my eyes work really well still and I don't need glasses.

The bad news is that I don't need glasses and I'm going to have to keep wearing these hipster horn-rimmed fake spectacles for nothing more than aesthetic purposes. The image, man.

More bad news: the eye tests were insane. Dude did "lid flips" on me. Picture what that means for a second.

Me eyelid being flipped over, while the guy pokes and prods at my optical sensors. Then the bright lights were shined in my face repeatedly, not that cool. Though I did enjoy the actual vision tests, it's always fun trying to identify the smallest line of letters and then arguing with the tech because I can FUCKING SEE THAT "B" CLEARLY EVEN THOUGH ITS SO BLURRY AND SMALL AND SHE HAD A PERFECT, UNOBSTRUCTED VIEW ON HER COMPUTER OH IT'S AN "E"? I'm sorry, my bad.

Jumping ahead - Friday night for dinner, Heckyeahwoman made a fantastic homemade pepperoni pizza as well as homemade breadsticks. Both were insane. Ate the ferk outta them. I swear, someday when I open my own Dairy Queen, I'm going to have Heckyeahwoman sell her homemade pizzas there. #PIZZABONER

Because HYW fell asleep on the couch, we only watched part of Thank You For Smoking, and it was actually really good. Will probably finish it sometime in the next week or so.

Funny how they lump guns in there with booze and cigarettes - using a firearm is the same as intentionally poisoning your own body. If you've seen the movie, the gun rep guy was the crazy, hillbilly one. Cause you've gotta be crazy and rural to own a gun, right. IF LIBERALS WEREN'T SUCH CRYBABY PUSSIES AFRAID OF THEIR OWN SHADOW I WOULDN'T BE WAVING THIS FUCKING SAWED-OFF AROUND.

Even with all that nonsense, the movie was pretty good and it's nice to have a winner pop up in a long string of shitty Netflix and Redbox epic fails. Not that we haven't finished it yet, so there is potential for me to go on a blogging bender about how shitty the ending was. #WARNED

Anyway, that streak ended of course on Saturday night when we went to rent Step Brothers from the Redbox. Why we didn't instead choose to finish the movie from Friday night is beyond me. Whatevs, they didn't have Step Brothers (a guaranteed winner) and there were people lining up behind us, so we made a snap decision and chose Due Date. Zack Galifianakis, Robert Downey Jr.? Should be like The Hangover, right?

No. Not at all.

I've never seen Mr. Galifianakis' stand up comedy before, but he was hilarious in The Hangover. Unfortunately, he was not hilarious in Due Date. See, he pretty much stole his character from The Hangover, and repeated it line for line, nuance for nuance, everything, verbatim. After three minutes of screen time for his character, you realize you're dealing with a one-dimensional actor who wishes he was as funny as Tom Green.

Basically Zack Galifianakis is Tom Green-lite, for dimwits. Man, I wish Tom Green was still around.

Aside from that, the plot had holes, it was predictable, the laughs were generally pretty cheap and where the movie could have come through, it didn't: not one boob. A pregnant boob, a random tit shot, anything to save this movie would have been appreciated.

And remember last week how I was so PUMPED about the IRON GYM PULL UP BAR? Well I was chillin' at CVS on Friday night and guess what I spied there...for $10 less than what Target stole from me?

Yep, the IRON GYM PULL UP BAR. So temped to try to finagle a return money back boondoggle, but ultimately just said "ferk it".

1 comment:

SteveMartin said...

I didn't like it either, it was almost EXACTLY like Planes, Trains and Automobiles.