Friday, May 20, 2011


I forget where I was, at some eating eSTABlishment, and a University of Michigan Men's Tennis poster was hung proudly, yet crookedly, on the wall. It was in the middle of a collage of other posters, letters from customers and pictures of employees.

Having lived in college towns for the last 6 years of my life, I'm no stranger to various college sporting team posters and calenders adorning the walls of many local businesses.

Usually I just scan the women's volleyball, softball or basketball posters for any hot chicks, then get on with my day. Usually I don't come across collegiate sports posters as insane the one immediately below:

Look at those GAME FACES. Oh man, those guys are AMPED on something! Being that it is a tennis poster, one would have to assume that they are making those faces because they're so AMPED on tennis.

But I don't know.

Starting with the dude at the top, it doesn't look like Ichiro Suzuki up there is AMPED solely on tennis. Actually, from the looks of things, he's anything but AMPED. My guess is that he's holding in a massive number two, while suffering from a serious hemorrhoid and swatting wildly at anything that comes his way, John McEnroe style.

And what about Mr. Fratty McRapesAlot? He's definitely AMPED on something. But what? I'm thinking he just got a notification on his Blackberry about all the tang he's gonna blast tonight. That's right our homeboy here, who looks like a cross between Quasimodo and Tom Brady is so AMPED about all that poon on his mind. Oh yeah, and he just remembered that mom & dad just bought him a used 2008 Acura. Score!

Last but not least, we have the token black dude. Aside from Serena and Venus Williams, I don't think I've ever come across black dudes playing tennis. But that's what they said about golf, and then Tiger Woods magically appeared. Either way, judging from that pic, he doesn't look well. In fact, it looks like he's about to blow some serious chunks. Serious chunkz. Serious chunkage.

But seriously, what unflattering faces for each of those young men to have on display. Like, did each dude approve their respective picture? Or was the coach just like, "heh, use these shitty pictures for those spoiled, silver-spoon schmucks".

All your base are belong to us

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