Friday, April 8, 2011

what have you done for me, mr president?

Some of you might remember my post "the last 8 years under bush", where I described my current situation, and realized that yeah, while Bush was an absolutely deplorable president, my life was pretty awesome. You bet it was.

Isn't it only fair to compare my life under Bush to my life under Obama? For the record, I think both are horrible presidents with virtually identical track records of huge spending, growing the government, alienating the middle class and MORE WAR. But hey, we only support war when our guy is doing it.

And even funnier are many that were (correctly) against Bush's wars in the Middle East, but when their homeboy starts a war in Libya, you know, the kind he said he was against, they utter not a peep. If you support a war, you might be a coward if you're not fighting in it.

Enough politics, let's talk about me. And my life. Each 2008 analysis will be followed by my 2011 update in bold.

Money. I've made like 15 times more money since he's been president. 2011 - the peak of my income was in 2008, and my income has gone down since. 2009 and 2010 were good, however I only worked about half of 2010 due to laziness, getting married, moving, looking for a job, vacationing and Obama. But the general trend of income declining is not good. Bush wins here.

Chicks. They started lining up once he (Bush) took office. That didn't last long, but still. 2011 - depends how you define "chicks". Like, I married a hot chick, and she's a doctor, and that's awesome. More awesome than banging a bunch of slores, right? You didn't read this here, but HECK yeah. Obama wins here.

Fun. I partied more, had more vacations, and had more fun than any other time in my life. 2011 - ooh, this is a close one. Under Obama I definitely haven't had as many awesome vacations (beaches in Florida, Texas, New Orleans, Michigan, Wisconsin) as I did under Bush (Hong Kong, China, Macau, Dominican Republic, Mexico, a lot of beaches in Florida). Also worth nothing, 2008 was the only time my brother and I were with our mother at a bar in China at like 3 in the morning, and she was drinking Jack Daniels mixed with green tea. Probably never happen again. But I did have an AWESOME honeymoon in Puerto Rico, one of my best vacations ever. As far as "fun", it's hard to trump my wedding, easily the funnest night of my life. And shit, in 2009 we did move downtown (in Gainesville) and were closer to the bars, but rent went up. Overall, gonna call this one a toss-up.

College. I graduated college during his tenure. That impresses people. 2011 - I did not graduate college under Obama's presidency, but god forbid if he wins another term, there's a good chance I will have gone on to more schooling. God forbid though. *Science forbid. Can't count your chickens before they hatch - Bush wins.

Dope rides. I have had one undeniably dope ride, and one questionably dope ride since 2k yo. 2011 - since Obama has been president, I've driven only the sickest, tinted, most murdered out ride. Obama, this whip's for you.

Debt. I paid off ALL my debt while Bush was presiding over the presidency. 2011 - I didn't have any debt to pay off, cause my boi W helped me take care of it ALL in 2008. But yo, I totally coulda paid some shit off if I needed to. Bush gets the nod here.

Work. Damn, I guess I do work a lot more now, since he took office. That kinda blows. 2011 - yeah, still working. Sucks bro. Gonna chalk this one up for Obama, because I don't think I've ever had a job where I drank this much beer in the office.

Snorting blow off a hooker's ass. I have yet to do this, but yo, I initially got the idea while you-know-who was president. 2011 - still haven't snorted any blow off any hookers asses. Come to think of it, I haven't even had any contact with any hookers since Obama became president. Note that we did see a shitload of hookers in China, in 2008, when Bush was president. Just remembered, I did go to a strip club last April for my Bachelor party, but strip clubs are dumb. This one goes to Bush.

Final tally, including one point each for the toss-up: Bush 5 Obama 4

Looks like Bush won the final tally. Sorry buddy, despite making my life better, you were still an epic FAILURE.


beer said...

"they utter not a peep."

You're trying to make a joke here, right? The public was outraged by this pretty much across the board. Just not in congress, where people were busy fighting over NPR.

Anonymous said...

I had much more fun when Reagan was prez.