Monday, April 18, 2011

kickstarter is sweet

Have you heard of Kickstarter?

A pretty cool idea. If you haven't, here's what they do, in their words:

Kickstarter is the largest funding platform for creative projects in the world. Every month, tens of thousands of amazing people pledge millions of dollars to projects from the worlds of music, film, art, technology, design, food, publishing and other creative fields.

Great idea for bands/struggling musicians.

In reading that couple of sentences though, two words IMMEDIATELY jump out at me: "amazing" and "creative". And if you listen to any punk rock, heavy metal, hardcore music, probably independent music of any type supported by hipster or hipster-looking people, where each individual member of said fanbase considers themselves a philosopher, photographer, tattoo artist, writer, an actual musician or graphic designer, than you know that terms like "amazing" and "creative" get bandied about REALLY FUCKING EXCESSIVELY.

Seriously, I listen to a lot of music in that community, have attended many shows, read many interviews and album reviews, and never have I heard more people refer to a band, an album, a live show, or a horrible piece of shit as "amazing".

Check out these truths:

Fat, sweaty asshole playing the G-C-D progression on his Fender Telecaster on stage? Amazing!
Your entire band has beards? Amazing!
A photograph of a tire? Amazing!
That band's new album that sounds just like their last album, that sounds just like band x? Amazing!

Let me tell you something: if "it" was made by an overweight, bearded, down-syndrome looking, tattooed, skinny-jeans wearing shithead, the chances of "it" being "amazing" are SLIM TO FUCKING NONE.

Think about what you're saying for a second. You really want me to believe that some marginally talented ex-singer from this or that band, playing an acoustic guitar, with a gravelly voice is "AMAZING"? Just because he used to front that much revered punk band from the 90's? Or because of his spotty acoustic guitar playing? Or because his gravelly voice somehow implies "emotion", rather than really just shitloads of whiskey, weed and a two pack-a-day habit for the last 20 years?

Kelly Clarkson is a better singer and I've heard deeper lyrics from Ke$ha. OK, that last part may not be totally true.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't like to generalize. Wait, yes I do; eat shit.

And your "art" - photos, scribbles and journal entries that appear written by a fifth grader, are not "creative". In fact, there is nothing creative about you. You are a carbon-copy of the dipshit next to you (also) with a tallboy of PBR .

Anyway, I was inspired to share this rant because I was first directed to a band looking to fund their new album through Kickstarter - which I fully endorse. The band itself isn't important - I don't particularly care for their music, and I believe they have reached their funding goal. Though they were offering some really awesome packages for those that donate, from a color vinyl copy of the new record to fellatio from your choice of band member. It's not like you'd just be donating money so the band can record, and then you can purchase a copy of said album.

But back to the lols - they had this little nugget written out in all of its glory. Read on, and see if you can find the not-so-subtle lols.

We also realize that times are tough, and it is not our intention to divert funding from any of the many urgent humanitarian causes that are in dire need of support at the moment. We encourage those in a position to donate to please consider all of your options and to donate responsibly.

Let me help you out: "donate responsibly".

Here's a picture of some dying African kid with no feet where you could click the button to the left to donate the five bucks to save his life, or you can donate thirty bucks and get a signed copy of our new album on colored vinyl.

That's a no brainer!

Capitalism sucks! But spend your money on our product or service rather than that product or service!

In laws are all gone, expect that little write up either for the HUMP DAY PUMP UP or for Friday's LAME post.

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