Wednesday, April 6, 2011


This HUMP DAY PUMP UP is brought to you by recent epic failures on my part. How is that going to PUMP YOU UP? I'm not entirely sure, but hopefully the chuckles taken at my expense can serve to PUMP YOU UP through the rest of this shitty week.

So picture this: it's Sunday, you're kind of hungover, don't feel like doing anything, but you need to get a workout in.

Only one thing you can do: pull up this sweet video on youtube and attempt to do 11 different pushup variations in 15 minutes.


OK, not miserably, but I managed to do the first ten sets of ten, in about twelve minutes. That shoulda put me on pace to crush it. BEING ON PACE TO POUND OUT THAT FINAL SET PUMP. And indeed I thought I was gonna crush it, I WAS PUMPED.

But for some reason I didn't even think that the last ten pushups would be of the ONE ARMED VARIETY! SHIT!

Yeah no, but I'm going to get those 110 goddamned pushups if it goddamn kills me. And I'm going to do it with a smile on my fabulous face.

After a brief rest, I'm back at it, in position to do these one-armed monsters. Ready, sweat dripping on the floor...ONE done. It wasn't pretty, but it was done. After another two minutes of dicking around trying to do one more, my time was up and I was spent.

SRSLY check out those dive-bomb pushups, I did 10, but it's tough being the most uncoordinated goofball ever. FAILPUMP NUMBER ONE.

Only redeeming thing is that I know YOU couldn't get any closer than I did. Or could you?

Not PUMPED reading about me doing pushups? Put the cheetos down and get some sexercise.

After that embarrassing exercise in futility/being just less than awesome, check out FAILPUMP NUMBER TWO, it's short and sweet:

Ke$ha came to Detroit, like 45 minutes from where I live, and I bitched out cause tickets were too expensive.

I keep watching this video and falling deeper and deeper into a SHAME SPIRAL UBER REVERSE PUMP.

True story, I declined to drop the couple hundy on tickets. Ke$ha, if you're reading this, we're coming in August when you hit Detroit again. Also, you wanna hook us up too? We'd by far be the oldest non-parents in attendance and would love a couple tickets. That's cool, right?



If CRAZY SHARKS with big goofy smiles do not PUMP YOU UP, then there's not a lot of hope for you as you. But if you find pleasure in reading about the two biggest failures of my life, with every painful detail outlined above, then I think we can help you out.


Susan said...

hey, I've done some of those push ups in your video. My form may not have been real great and I wasn't as fast, but then, I was doing them when I was 60 yrs. old.

Anonymous said...

A few years ago I was watching Howard Stern and he bet intern Bengie $1000 he couldn't do 18 pushups. Bengie did em and Howard wouldn't pay. Anyway, I asked myself if I could do 18 pushups, so I get down on the floor and proceed to 4 18 fairly good formed pushups. Feeling pretty good about myself I stand up, get really, really light headed and fall face down into the floor. Fortunately I had shag carpet at the time.


heck yeah, man said...

If we got UncleWeirdo to comment we'd have all the siblings.

ajk said...

I dropped a few Benjamins on LADY GAGA TICKETS ON APRIL 16TH IN TAMPA!! Freak show, here I come!!

heck yeah, man said...

nice! hope you have a great time!