Friday, April 29, 2011

friday advice

Was browsing the twice weekly advice column the other day, and this selection was SCREAMING at me. Cause, uh, I can relate. Well I can't relate to DISPARAGING MY MOTHER IN MY BLOG, but I can relate to my parents being offended by it lol.

Sadly the original query, along with the accompanying answer were both pretty boring.

Q. Mom Offended by My Blog: I recently started a blog, which I have opened to general readership. My latest post is about a women's retreat I recently attended and a surprising (for me) encounter with the female divine I had there. In my post I mentioned my relationship with my mother, saying it is "constrained, fraught, difficult," which it often is, though not always. Those three words about our relationship are all I said about her in the post, but my mother found my blog, read them, and is deeply offended by my "unflattering description of her." I didn't intend to offend her and regret it, but at the same time what I wrote was true and was an important part of my story. (It is quite possible that she was also uncomfortable with the rest of the post, because I am certain she would not approve of my attending the retreat or being inspired by the Goddess, though she has not said anything about that.) I intend to continue writing about my life, and there are many important people who influence me in ways both good and bad. Is it possible for a person to balance the desire to write about life, to be honest about that life, yet not hurt the people who mean the most to them? Was I wrong to write about a difficult relationship in a public forum (she asks as she writes to Dear Prudence)?'

I honestly have no idea what any of this means, but can you imagine the blog possibilities if I attended a women's retreat? Female divines, goddesses, crazy spiritual broads pouring out their "feelings" OMG? I hate feelings!

Here's my analysis of this lady: she is an overzealous spiritualist weirdo who probably hears weird voices, burns a lot of candles for weird reasons, wears a lot of ugly rings, has long and stringy hair, is probably overweight, has fake fingernails, is extremely oversensitive and wears a lot of black.

Damn I should be a profiler.

The question being asked here is really a testament to the crippling lack of functioning brain power the lady suffers from on a daily basis. Seriously, she goes through life - to work, to the grocery store, maybe she bought a house or a car - with a very limited ability to reason, think and process information.

What do you think - If I say something mean about somebody to them, am I wrong to be surprised when the object of my libel gets pissed?

That's scary. People like her are the reason for sub prime mortgages: sub prime people.

What does our venerable advice-giver have to say? Basically she just churched up what I wrote:

A: Your encounter with the female divine prompted you to tell the world about the female rotten—your mother. Did the Goddess give you any guidance about starting a blog with a post about how difficult your mother is? I'm assuming that at least until your blog goes viral, your mother makes up the bulk of your readers. So surely you knew that posting an unflattering description of your relationship with her was unlikely to improve that relationship. Of course, novelists and memoir-writers would have to find another line of work if it was verboten to write about how terrible their parents were. I'm not saying it's wrong for you to write whatever you want for the world to see. What's wrong is being naive about how it's going to affect your most devoted reader.

Love the zing in there about her mother making up most of her readership!

On a side note, my mom emailed me a joke the other day, from this past Easter:

When I was driving home from work I saw the Easter Bunny hopping down the Bunny Trail which as you know, runs right alongside the road I live on. I stopped and asked, "Mr. Easter Bunny, can I give you a ride in my truck?" The Easter Bunny said, "Heck Yeah Man." and I said "No, I am Heck Yeah Mom."


This reminds me: if you have questions you're dying to have answered or want to be famous, comment here, hit us on twitter, facebook or email us at heckyeahman@gmail.com

1 comment:

ImHOTT said...

I personally believe in my heart of hearts, after asking the advice of my divine whispering eye, that HYM should start his own advice column.