Friday, April 15, 2011


Couple things here, as we cruise into the weekend. My in-laws came into town last night and we partied hard. You know what happens when the in-laws are in town.

And guess what...we're gonna party hard tonight too. And tomorrow night. And probably even the Sabbath too.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about something very near and dear to my heart: exercising. I just want to share a couple thoughts.

My gym, Planet Fitness, offers free pizza every first Monday of the month. A nice gesture for sure. But they bust out like two huge plastic tables and pile high like eight stacks of pizza boxes.

The reason I go to the gym is to try to negate the damage I do to my body on the weekends. Believe me, it's brutal. Now they're trying to give me free pizza? I FERKING LOVE PIZZA. Pizza is one of those things it's impossible to screw up. You could put my workout sock on a pizza, in lieu of mushrooms, and I'd still be so PUMPED to eat it.

And the smell. Goddamn the smell of delicious pizza at the gym. While I'm trying to bang out a billion pushups. So cruel.

But even worse than the idea of the GYM offering free FATTY PIZZA, is the line of animals waiting to get their filthy, grubby, sweaty, gross hands all over a couple slices. The gym is one of the dirtiest places ever - there are germs everywhere. Rarely do I see people wash their hands, let alone wipe down the equipment. Now these motherfuckers are tying to eat some fingerfood, sans hand washing?

You've got to be shitting me. I hope your arteries clog in real-time as I'm walking by, nose in the air, shunning you and your free-pizza shithead line. JUST DIE ALREADY.

Also, they always stock a jar of tootsie rolls on the counter. Do you have any idea how hard it is (that's what she said) to not SLAP THAT JAR OF TOOTSIE ROLLS AT THE DESK ATTENDANT EVERY TIME I WALK BY? FIT OF RAGE

And you know what else? The Wii Fit is not exercising; it's playing video games while maybe breaking a light sweat. By that logic, every time I get angry I'd be getting a good workout in.




Anonymous said...

Free pizza and candy at your gym? That's pretty fucked up.

Exercise already does almost nothing for weight loss... It's like the fattys who run for 30 min and then say "Now I can eat anything I want for dinner!" I think fat cells disrupt arithmetic skillz.

heck yeah, man said...

It's one thing to exercise for 30 minutes, and then merely say "now I can eat anything I want for dinner". At heck yeah, man, we exercise for 30 hours, then actually FUCKING EAT ANYTHING WE WANT FOR DINNER.

Anonymous said...

Sammy's or Cranky Pat's?


heck yeah, man said...

TOPPER'S! Ok, Cranky's.