Monday, April 25, 2011

dry cleaning douche virgin

I hope everybody had a nice "Easter" weekend. Me, I know I did, but we may or may not get to that in a little bit. What I'd like to talk about is my experience at the dry cleaners with the "douchevirgin".

How do I know he was a douche? I interacted with him.
How do I know he was a virgin? I interacted with him.

Dropped off my load of clothes one morning, totally forgot my coupon, and the dude said that I needed to have the coupon present to be able to use it. Of course I got him to confirm that the coupon was in the monthly Clipper coupon magazine, the exact discount, the date of expiration, only thing was I didn't physically have it with me because multitasking is hard :( .

Dude, you know I have the coupon, I just told you all about its exact specifications, don't be an asshole.

So sorry, too late. Told him to have my clothes ready in three days, then left.

Like a week later I finally remembered to pick them up lol.

This time I actually brought the coupon. Knowing what he said last time, I figured I probably wouldn't win here. Though I was hoping to have a different employee working. You know, one that actually leaves the house once in a while for things other than work and groceries.

Sure as stuff, douchevirgin is the lone employee on that rainy Saturday afternoon.

He saw me pull up in my sick ride, in my nice clothes, looking awesome. Surely he was acutely aware that I am pretty goddamn good looking (thanks Mom and Dad!) and really awesome (thanks me!).

Swaggering my way into the store, I cut right to the chase: "I'm here to pick up my dry cleaning, and I know I didn't present the coupon when I dropped it off - because I forgot it at home - I have it here, and I will continue to use your store for my dry cleaning and alteration services, rather than the place right (and I mean RIGHT) across the street".

I love playing the "help me give you my money" game. Usually it works, but you generally have to be talking to someone higher up than the lowly douchevirgin. Plus you usually have to do enough business, or look like you have the potential to, for them to bite.

His douchevirgin response: "They're really nice over there".

I just paid and left.

When I need dry cleaning about once every six months, I'll be sure to use Capitol Cleaners instead of Martinizing. Jesus Christ, when I had to wear suits to work and I was dry cleaning once a week, I would go to the Martinizing in Milwaukee and the hot chicks working there would always flirt with me and GIVE me coupons.

Now I go to this Martinizing and douchevirgin is going to patronize me. Do you have any idea how hard it was not to fly off the handle?

I thinking about rolling up there right now with Heckyeahwoman, and dishing out some CROWBAR JUSTICE on this Easter Sabbath.

Nah, we're both too full from brunch. That, and HYW told me that's a bad idea.

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