Friday, April 1, 2011

better not make my child wash his or her hands

So by now you've probably heard about the six year old girl with a severe peanut allergy where she might die. Oh you haven't? Well look here.

Or don't, and let me fill you in: Her allergy is so severe that SHE COULD DIE. So to keep PEANUT-RELATED INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER from happening, students must wash their hands when entering the classroom in the morning and after lunch, and rinse their mouths out, presumably with mouth wash.

The school even got a peanut sniffing dog.

Children being forced to wash their hands and use mouth wash, oh the horror. I'm not seeing how this is bad. Those kids would have probably never washed their hands in the first place. Even after using the bathroom. I was a kid once, and I never washed my hands. In fact, I often dipped my hands in mud puddles just to spite my parents. Sorry mom and dad!

Normally I'm not a fan of the state or the government telling you to do something, but shoot, if Barry W Hussein Bush III mandates me to wash my hands, who am I to argue with that? Luckily he's too busy starting wars and I'm too busy ALREADY WASHING MY HANDS AND USING MOUTHWASH HECK YEAH.

But here's the crazy thing: some parents are protesting the hassle of having to keep good hygiene.

Yeah yeah, they're protesting the "extreme" lengths their children have to go through, just for one sick, twisted, evil six year old girl stricken with a BRUTAL ALLERGY.

But still, not cool parents.

And I thought the animals protesting in Madison were crazy and horrible. Like OK, you think you know about politics, economics, unions, collective bargaining and shit, but you don't. And that's fine.

While you can find someone to support almost any side to any issue, surely you won't find anybody that actively promotes, or truly believes in, the eradication of good hygiene habits among children.

OK, that's not entirely true...

One concerned and rural parent, Chris Burr, shared his feelings: "If I had a daughter who had a problem, I would not ask everyone else to change their lives to fit my life".

Really, Chris Burr? Well aren't you just a fart in my bowl of soup now.

Because your children actually do have a problem: you. Are you against your inbred children washing their hands? Cause I'm not. If I were the superintendent of that school, I would single out your shitty little kids and MAKE THEM WASH THEIR HANDS UPWARDS OF 60 TIMES A DAY, IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL, IN THE GYMNASIUM, DURING A PEP RALLY, WHILE THEY'RE CRYING AND BEGGING FOR HAND-WASHING MERCY.

All of the stupid ass parents of the students in that school should thank that little six year old for bestowing upon their children the natural wonder of washing your hands multiple times a day. Let's take it a step further, make those little shits BRUSH THEIR TEETH too.

What a bunch of ungrateful fuckers.

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