Monday, March 7, 2011

misleading headline

Every morning when I get to work I fire up MSN Messenger so I can IM all three of my friends when I get bored.

It's cool, after every successful login, a little MSN Today window pops up. It's like a nice abbreviated version of the msn.com homepage - chock full of brain-draining news and articles. Now the aware reader will ask him or herself "what the hell are you doing reading msn, when you've professed many times how you HATE KEITH OLBERMANN ?"

Hey man, sometimes I just want to kill some brain cells. Besides, last I read, Keith Uberturdd was going to start his own "news" channel or something lol, cause he got SHITCANNED from MSN heck yeah.

Anyway, last week one particular headline caught my attention: Glock Mishaps hit Ala Kin.

Don't know about you (don't care either), but the title suggests that the gun malfunctioned, injuring a family of hillbillies. Seems fair, right? Yeah, that's not what really happened at all.

For lols, read the first sentence of the article: "A small child accidentally shot his mother Saturday night after finding the gun by the side of his injured father — who had just accidentally shot himself, the Baldwin County Sheriff's Office said. "

LOL!

Turns out, the dad had the gun in his glove compartment, took it out, and was bringing it inside with him, after arriving at home from work. After tripping, he fell and the gun discharged. For those of you that don't know, guns can only discharge if there is a round in the chamber. Further, really the best (only) way for that round in the chamber to be discharged is for the trigger to be pulled. Finally, when pulling the trigger, the gun won't fire if the safety is on.

This means one of two things happened:

1. Obviously a purple dragon swooped down from the heavens, took the gun out of homeboy's glove compartment, shot dude in the leg, placed the gun at the scene there, brainwashed the guy into thinking he accidentally shot himself, and disappeared before the rest of the family could check out the commotion.

OR

2. More likely, the guy kept a round chambered, the safety off, and walked with the gun in his hand, potentially ready for action (into his home where his wife and two small children were), with his finger on the trigger. WITH HIS FINGER ON THE FUCKING TRIGGER WITH THE SAFETY OFF. Read that again.

Which scenario do you think is more likely? Not sure, go ask your pastor and get back to me, but I'm going with number two.

I'm so torn when I read stories like this. First, I'm really excited and thrilled to hear that absolute dipshits like that are getting shot. Love hearing stores about idiots shooting themselves. For sure, it would have been a tragedy if one of the kids had been shot, but do you think it would really be that bad if the entire family were removed from the gene pool? I don't think so.

But on the other hand, this is the reason why crybaby no-nothing dipshits that are scared of their own shadow are advocating for stricter gun control. Maybe advocating for strict gun education would be a wiser move. Though it is worth noting that "wise" and "gun control" generally don't appear in the same sentence. Besides, as most people know, actually it seems that many don't, if you want to get your grubby little woman-hands on a gun, no gun control law is going to stop you.

Truly a paradox.

Having grown up around guns my entire life, well except for my college years when my dad was smart enough to ignore my repeated pleas to let me store my guns at my place lol. But that's the thing, I'm in a position to mock people like the ones in the story because gun safety was hammered into my head pretty much from the day I was born.

Maybe my dad summed gun safety up best when he said: "if I catch either you or your brother pointing the gun in an unsafe direction or pulling any shenanigans with firearms, I'm going to take this Winchester and fill you both fulla lead".

25 years later, my brother and I are two of the safest dudes with firearms. Except of course when we're drinking and the guns come out. But we "usually" remember to unload them. Most of the time.

More appropriate title: FUCKING IDIOT REDNECKS SHOOT THEMSELVES AND IT WAS AWESOME

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