I kept hearing about it.
People kept talking about it.
It was all over the internetz.
I meant to check it out.
But that's what happens when you're almost 30 and every day the internet is getting harder and harder to use as your vision slowly blurs and your hands succumb to rheumatoid arthritis.
Let's not make this PUMP UP about me slowly dying soon. Let's make this PUMP UP about getting PUMPED UP.
Anyway, a week or two ago, everybody was talking about that Australian kid who BODY SLAMMED some little twerp that was picking on him.
You've probably seen the video, and the twerp wasn't just picking on him, he was PUNCHING HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE. HOW'S THAT FOR AN UNPUMP? GETTING A KNUCKLE SANDWICH FOR LUNCH?
Well, it's like I always say: if you're going to be FORCEFED A KNUCKLE SANDWICH, you better wash it down with tall, cold glass of BODY SLAM THAT RAT-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER.
I LOVE IT WHEN KIDS GET HURT
SEND YOUR MID-WEEK DOLDRUM-ENDING PUMP INDUCING LEVELS THROUGH THE ROOF AS YOU WATCH THAT LITTLE FOCKER GET UP AND STUMBLE AROUND!
Now, believe it or not, I generally try to avoid violence...for the sole reason of keeping my moneymaker lookin' pretty. But I'm not against cheap shotting some goon that never learned what happens when you run your mouth to the wrong person.
Yeah, you hear that *****? That's what I thought.
Speaking of goons. The kid below is the bully. He should be BODY SLAMMED just for looking like that.
Everybody reading this right now - all 7 of you: look at the picture right below, then look in the closest available mirror, then call/text/email/skype/sext/fax your parents and thank them for not making you looking like that.
Not only does his face give me the impression that he's probably emaciated, it also gives me the impression that he HATES DENTISTS.
Also, Fergie called and she wants her eyebrow ring back, bro.
All we really needed for today's PUMP is a picture of that little turd and one sentence: YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT KID. GET PUMPED.
It's Wednesday/HUMP DAY, I'm feelin' PUMPY, the weather is getting warmer, hopefully you're not wearing pleated pants, go get some exercise, BODY SLAM THE SHIT OUT OF THE REST OF THE WEEK WITH A MASSIVE BONER.