First things first, I'm typing this up Monday night, as The Bachelor reunion is on TV. The following quote just came from the host of the show, holy lol: "Ashley, why don't you come on down. You were part of one of the most stunningly worst dates that have ever gone wrong...in the history of the show".
Holy lol. He could have just said, "Ashley, come on down, you fuck up!" She wasn't even that hot.
Ok sorry about that, back to the regularly scheduled PUMP. Don't quite remember where this idea for the PUMP came from, but it's here, we're not stoppin' it, and fuck, this week is almost half over, which is better than it just starting.
My brother and I spent hours playing Mortal Kombat as kids. It was awesome. And violent. And no other video games were doing the violent death misogyny abusing women thing like Mortal Kombat. Ok they weren't really, but it would be sweet if they were.
Think about who you'd love to uppercut into a ceiling full of huge SPIKES. I had 15 people in mind before I even finished typing this.
And worse, I actually uppercutted 12 of those people into a ceiling full of huge SPIKES before I finished typing this!
Hey man, that's what the PUMP'LL DO TO YA!
Ever feel like you show up to work, and it's Monday morning, and you're like "aw fuck this, I need to transport to another dimension and just electrocute the shit outta some chump till his head explodes, while wearing a sick rice paddy hat?" Does that ever happen to you?
CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO!
Heck yeah, Rayden whacked off so furiously that the friction caused the potential energy in his hands to shoot out in the form of lightning bolts at the unsuspecting, unPUMPED dude.
Totally unrelated: Check out this SICK pair of shoes I got from Zappos. Big thank you for Heckyeahsisterinlaw for the gift certificate. Only took 3 tries to get the right size of the right shoe. ZAPPOS SHOE PUMP!
SHOES? HOW YOU GONNA LET A SHOE PUMP YOU UP?
It's actually two (2) shoes, dickhead. Whatever, check this out:
I have no idea why that text is all hyperlinked, but I'm too PUMPED TO CARE.