Friday, February 25, 2011

spring is almost here!

Spring is almost here! I can almost smell it!

Well it was, until we like a foot of snow dumped on us over the last week or so. Bummer. But there was a week there where it got into the 40's, and high 30's.

I don't know, I really enjoyed the winter. And the feeling of spring, after a long, hard winter/wiener, man there's nothin' like it. Those first couple days of spring put me in such a good mood that one time, like 5 years ago I got so drunk that I peed all over my brother's refrigerator. Good times!

But yeah, anybody who has experienced snow before knows what to expect: a couple months of winter, a few warm-weather teases coupled with a fake thaw, a final dumping of snow & some more cold, and then finally spring starts. Amazingly it happens this way EVERY year. No exceptions.

So in our warm-weather tease a couple weeks ago, the snow was a-meltin' like crazy. Everything was wet - roads, sidewalks, parking lots - there were puddles everywhere, and slush was no stranger.

How sweet it was to be driving down the highway, with the asshole in front of me driving with half his passenger side on the shoulder - you know, where most of the melted snow is. Normally I wouldn't care if some dipshit is driving like a...dipshit, but it was splashing all over my windshield.

Like he was doing it on purpose.

And that's shitty enough, but even worse, I bet that dickhead knew that my windshield wiper sprayer thing wasn't working. Dirty brown melted snow-water all over my windshield, and wiping it only makes it worse, not totally clearing the dirt and grime away.

My windshield was essentially a smeared mess of dirty water.

What a dick.

Happened that I was running errands that day, and this jerk was ultimately heading to the same place I was, though I didn't know it at the time. Awesome. So I followed his ass, tailgated him, stalked him.

When he stopped to get gas, I pulled into the side of the gas station, rolled my window down, kinda leaned back in my seat like I was watching him (I was), and tried to make myself look kinda suspicious. He definitely noticed. When he was done, I pulled my car around, and followed him to his next stop...

The Wal-Mart.

Saturday morning, so you know Wal-Mart is gonna be packed, and with every car in Soufeastern Michigan jockeying for a fucking parking space, it was hard as hell stay on this dudes ass as he navigated the lot. But I did. Finally he found a spot so I blew past him, whipped my sick ride around, and as he walked to the store, I crept behind him, creepily leering at that bastard like he was a 16 year old hottie in a bikini.

Mean muggin'.

Dude was freaked the fo out, and that little excursion added at least 45 minutes to my errand-running that day.

But yo, it was so worth it.

But what if he had been some crazy hillbilly, and freaked out on me?

What? That why I STAY STRAPPED DON'T MAKE ME BUCK THIS HEAT.

In unrelated news, I've noticed a rash of unfriendings on facebook, like three. If you are one of those people, or you know who perpetrated this heinous unpleasantry, please forward the appropriate contact info to me.

I remember one time I posted a hilarious video on facebook, and some douchebag defriended me lol. I can feel still feel his rage as he hovered his mouse over the "unfriend" button, finally clicking with the adolescent anger of a hundred impotent girlie-men, as he himself is enveloped by the feeling of helplessness that would cause only the saddest of souls to have a meltdown over something so awesome.

Haha what a goof.

1 comment:

Tampa-no-creep said...

Creeping on dudes? Don't get mad at me - you said it.