Monday, March 14, 2011


Have you noticed the insanity in the media about bullying. All kinds of celebrities are coming out saying they're against bullying. Experts everywhere are speaking out against brutal cyber-bullying. Parents are all in a dither because some group of kids made fun of their precious child.


People are such pussies nowadays.

Are you getting harassing instant messages? Is someone talking shit about you on facebook? GET OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER AND GO GET SOME EXERCISE, YOU FAT FUCK.

I bet nobody would be talking shit if you got off your lazy ass, got into a sweet workout schedule and laid pipe like crazy - just like the rest of us.

People are acting like cyber-bullying is some sort of new phenomenon; it's a just a new way for assholes to be assholes. From the good old days when you had to send a disparaging note by way of the Pony Express, to dipshits freaking out over being called a virgin on facebook, to the future where the minute you think dreadful thoughts, the object of your hatred will get telepathically electrocuted, there will always be somebody tougher than you.

End of story.

There will always be somebody smarter, better looking, tougher, cooler, more of a dick, angrier, more clever and more bad ass than you. Get used to it.

You will fail, fuck up, screw yourself, make mistakes, not try hard enough and maybe sometimes you won't even do anything wrong at all. And once in a while somebody will be there to give you shit about it.

It's a tragedy when somebody commits suicide, but I always thought the reason I was gonna commit suicide was because I just figured somebody would eventually figure out that I'm really just a fuckup, parading around as Science's gift to women.

Goddamnit, I was a skinny little shit in the prime-bullying years: 4th through 9th grade. And even worse, I was a fucking nerd. That's right, your boy didn't blossom till like 11th grade. All of a sudden I got great hair, started plowing lots of chicks and got into working out.

Yeah, I know right, so hard to believe. Now you can't touch me.

Did I get bullied? Fuck yeah I did. Throughout like 4th - 7th grade, this fat kid would try to torment me. He'd pick on me, I'd push him back, and the cycle would continue. Then in 7th grade I made the mistake of telling my parents I was probably going to get in a fight if I saw that douche again.

They took that as I was being bullied, called the school, called the kid's parents, and made everything worse. Lol yeah, I was that kid for a while.

He made fun of me some more; my friends reminded me (and him) what a douche he was, and by the time 8th grade rolled around, he had totally disappeared. Seriously, I have no idea what happened to him. So yeah, no epic story of a 7th grade assbeating.

Worth noting: one time when we were fighting/wrestling, I wiped a good finger-full of boogers in his eye lol.

It's funny, every time I go back to my hometown, I always hope to see him at the bar, or at the mall, or at Shopko. Not sure what I'd do, if I'd give him my trademark "smirk of disgust", cold clock him or just point and laugh.

Then one time in 8th grade in between periods, I was walking to science class and fell victim to a drive-by-bullying. I remember one of the dirtballs, a known bad ass that you don't want to fuck with, totally came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, picked me up and ran with me for about half the length of a hallway. It was weird, I've always been kind of ticklish, and the way he had me, he was unintentionally tickling the shit out of my sides. So I'm being carried around by this dipshit, laughing while squirming lol.

Funny thing was, he was actually in my science class...the one I was walking to. Never said a word to me again lol. Hot chick I sat next to saw the whole thing. She even commented about what a good sport I was - laughing and all. Told her how it tickled and she got a light ROFL.

Yeah, a light ROFL...before ROFLing even existed.

Stay tuned, cause after the HDPU on HUMP DAY, you can read Bullying 2.0. I'll tell you about the time I almost got a swirlie!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...!5781702/the-ultimate-anti+bullying-psa-kid-fights-back-with-devastating-body-slam

Well worth checkin' out.