Hey hey it's almost the weekend. And I don't know about you, but my favorite way to jump into weekend-mode on Friday evening is to NOT go to the gym. Used to be, I loved going to the gym on Friday night: it was dead, and I could have a great workout before getting LOADED AND RIPPED FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS STRAIGHT.
Unfortunately, now my gym is kind of a hike, and the commute is a real bitch at rush hour. So I work out Saturday instead.
Long story short, I really enjoy working out and exercising, so I'm going to share three fitness truths with you.
These will be three truths that are indisputable, irrefutable, and 100% correct. And totally true and awesome.
Fitness Truth One: if you can't do one pull up, you're a fitness failure. Go ahead, try to do one. Can you? No? Well you're a penis and your parents hate you. And worse, my parents hate you. Now I can't take credit for this truth, but you know who can? My brother. While he didn't necessarily invent this fitness truth, he didn't necessarily not invent it.
So we're gonna go ahead and give credit where credit's due.
Fitness Truth Two: if you can't run one point five miles in four minutes, don't even bother. Yeah, this one's noticeably tougher than the previous truth, but an essential hallmark of exercise and fitness is constantly increasing the intensity and difficulty of your workouts. What kind of a fitness guru would I be if I didn't preach the truths? I learned this one from my dad. Back when my brother and I were like five and six, I remember my dad always going out running.
And being five or six, my brother and I wanted to do whatever my dad did, so naturally we wanted to go running with him. Of course he said we were too young, and there was no way we could run one point five miles in four minutes, like he did. That, and he always told us that we were little butt-bopping pussies.
Please note that while my brother and I wanted to do many things that my dad did, procreating with our mother is something we did NOT ever want to do, even though my dad did it twice.
Fitness Truth Three: I almost had a meltdown in the gym the other day. True story, I heard a certain song that triggered an angry memory, and I almost frickin' lost it.
But what's so anger-inducing about that nice little poppy tune? Well nothing, except it's on the Tiger Woods 2004 video game soundtrack, and that song was always on when I'd play the game.
It's like, that song came on, and instantly, memories of smashing many Playstation 2 controllers came rushing back. That game, and Madden 04 contributed to about 4 broken controllers, hours of insane RAGE, and a (then) $300 video game console almost getting destroyed.
Stay fit, friends. Well, not on the weekends, cause Friday @ 5:00AM EST through Sunday @ 11:59AM EST is reserved for DESTROYING YOUR BODY.