Friday, January 14, 2011

college is sweet

Peep this, peeps, lettuce talk about college for a minute: Georgia has some sort of statewide program where if you get like a B average in high school, you get most of your college paid for. I won't bore you with the specifics and deets, but if you're not a TOTAL FUCKING RETARD, you can have your college degree paid for.

Shoot yeah.

YO WISCONSIN, WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU IN THE PAYING FOR COLLEGE MY GAME, DAWGS? WTF?!?!?!

Just read an article online covering the story. And yes, I see that it's from the New York Times, and yes, I know they are a horrible piece of shit newspaper, but still, the article provides some great blogworthiness.

Due to the economy, Georgia is finding that it can't afford the program.

Let me know what's wrong with this picture:

Cathy Ottley, a part-time office manager, and her husband, a management consultant, are raising three children in Marietta, north of Atlanta. One is a sophomore at the University of Georgia, courtesy of the Hope scholarship. A daughter who is a high school senior had her heart set on the University of North Carolina but has come to see an in-state college as the practical way to go. And then there is the youngest, a high school freshman with a promising future in athletics. Without the scholarship, Ms. Ottley said, college for her children would be a stretch at best.

Wait a second, she had her "heart set on UNC"? Let's assume that they were entertaining the idea of sending the daughter there, entertaining the idea of paying insane out of state tuition, that in many cases is double the costs of in-state tuition.

I had my "heart set on Harvard, Yale, or Stanford", but due to my lack of funds and shitty grades, I went to a UW school. And even if I would have gone to Harvard, Yale, or Stanford, I probably would have still wound up in sales. Shit.

We'll also assume that the parents could presumably afford to send the daughter to UNC, but in a rare bout of sanity, decided it made finanshul sense to attend an in-state college. We'll also assume that the husband is banging his secretary, cause lol haha.

Bitch havin' her heart set on UNC, she think she's fuggin Michael Jordan 'r somethin? Get outta here.

And then there's the daughter with a promising future in athletics. Yo, if your future is so promising, get an athletic scholarship, ho. Or pay for college yourself, like I did. True story, I got a job the summer before my junior year, saved tons of money, and paid for college myself...so as a freshman she still has plenty of time. And I worked the entire time when I was selected an All-American quarterback for my football team.

Last sentence is totally made up.

Basically the parent is saying, "we could probably afford to send our elder daughter to OUT OF STATE COLLEGE, but sorry youngest daughter, we're not dropping a cent for in-state tuition for your sorry ass, cause we finna retire comfortably lol".

Lolol hosejob.

Lol, and the first page mentions "hopemobiles" - cars that are gifts to college freshman from their parents, purchased with the money they saved from not having to pay for college tuition. Check this out:

Lauren Rice drives a Hopemobile (though, she concedes, it is only a Honda Civic). Her parents told her she could go to college anywhere. She was considering Auburn in Alabama. But her parents offered her what she called “the car incentive.” That, plus the daunting out-of-state tuition helped her select the University of Georgia.

Yeah, my parents told me that I could go to college anywhere too. Anywhere I could afford. So I went to the "Harvard of Northwestern Wisconsin".

But for real, if my parents told me I could go to college anywhere, on their dime, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be anywhere near the state of Alabama. Yeah, even if I lived in Georgia. In fact, I'd probably rather go to college somewhere in North or South Dakota instead of Alabama. The Dakotas do have colleges, right? I know they got electricity 10 years ago, wasn't sure how much farther behind institutions of higher education would be.

What's the takeaway here?

I'm not entirely sure. Anyone?

3 comments:

Beer said...

The takeaway is that Lauren Rice has a sweet car.

omg said...

lauren rice driving a riceburner

Anonymous said...

Sorry heck yeah man, but I find it necessary to correct you. U.W.-Stout is the Harvard of northwestern Wisconsin!

-uncl Mike