Wednesday, December 1, 2010

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: BLAME IT ON GOD

Today we gotz an extra special PUMP for you on this HUMP DAY.

Many of you are familiar with the common tradition of sports figures thanking God for a great play or a huge victory. Happens all the time - anything from a simple gesture of pointing to the heavens, to a full blown speech thanking God for some sort of insane behind the back somersault catch.

Either way, it's FUCKING RETARDED. God didn't make you catch that ball, the years and years you spent practicing actually conditioned you to catch that ball. God didn't will your team to victory, rather your pre-game preparations, combined with a strong team effort fueled the victory.

Did God will the other team to lose? Did God will the dude on the other team to break his hip in half so you could dive over him for that touchdown? Dude's hip is broken in half, can you even comprehend that?

It's like the time I was at work and this chick got a sale, and then she thanked God for it. I immediately asked her if she was going to give her commissions to God (lol omg where would she send the check omg lol).

My query was met with a confused look and a nervous chuckle.

Anyway, maybe you saw the Bills - Steelers game over the weekend where the QB made a perfect toss to Steve Johnson, wide open in the endzone, in overtime, to seal the victory.

'Cept he dropped it.





OK, Johnson dropped it, his team went on to lose. Lol that sucks bro. But then my boi Stevie dropped some knowledge on twitter.















THIS HOW YOU DO ME? Only thing that's missing is a substitution of "YOU" for "U". Never mind that homeboy made a habit of dropping balls...no wait, BALLZ...dropping BALLZ all day. Like 5 of them.


What does this have to do with a PUMP? Well you should be PUMPED up that there are people out there that are way DUMBER and way STUPIDER than you.


Is stupider even a word? What about now - STUPIDER? Shut up.


You should be PUMPED because some idiot with a crazy haircut is sitting around blaming God, and I'm sitting around eating Jimmy John's all day.
And because I'm so PUMPED, here's a little Deicide action for u:





Go out, shoot people, loot, slack off at work, eat your kids, do drugs with your gay uncle, watch the Sex and the City sequel, stick a pencil in your nose, fart in a puddle, whatever, and then blame it on God.

7 comments:

shawtyisCOLD! said...

I praise God for Obama.

beer said...

Wow. I needed this pumpage. Thanks, godimeandog.

Anonymous said...

I'm NOT gay!!!

-uncl Mike

Susan said...

uncl Mike, he was talking about your brother

Anonymous said...

http://bit.ly/glBi0t

glen approves!

shawtyisCOLD! said...

... and Justin Bieber, even though he's from Canada :/

MB said...

nice pump up - lol at god...
http://lolgod.blogspot.com/2010/09/god-is-troll.html