Friday, December 10, 2010

good business, dawg

I've long been an enemy of diversity merely for diversity's sake. Most of you should probably know that. Conversely, I've long been a champion of putting your best foot forward, regardless of the color of your argyle sock.

And when people go out of their way to suck diversity's dick at work, yo, I gotta say something.

Look at it this way, the last time you went to a job interview, were you hoping your future potential boss was African American, White as fuck, or Chinese American? Or were you more worried (morried?) about your boss2B turning out to be a COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG?

Not that I have anything against loudmouth, male Italian Americans in their mid-20's.

Anyway, I'm guessing you were leaning towards the latter.

The point is, I was browsing the internetz the other day, and came across this "message from the president" from some company. It's from a huge company, and while he's trying to be diverse and green and shit, check the hints of insane racism that still sneak in. Let's peep this, paragraph by paragraph:

***** has long been committed to strengthening the minority/woman-owned business community. Our experience proves that assuring equal opportunity for MWBEs to compete among our broader supplier community is first and foremost good business. Supplier diversity has yielded numerous efficiency improvements throughout our enterprise that have directly improved our ability to serve our members.

A, so now we're giving acronyms to whatever the fuck we want? Yo, I got some acros that need some nyms, if you feel me. And B, they weren't giving equal opportunity to MWBEs before? Well what prompted the change? Dude had a revelation that "yo, I'd much rather do business with hot slores, and I can use this stupid policy to MAKE IT HAPPEN, WUT"...rather than just give an opportunity to those that worked hard and developed substantial business acumen.

Funny, I don't think there has ever been an "efficiency improvement" that can be credited to race or gender. I hired Jamal and our profits went up 500% because he's black! When Juan was promoted, he shot our margins up to 60% because he's Mexican! Sally saved the company $300M in overhead expenses this fiscal year because she's a woman!

"Hey HYM, how'd you get that huge sale in?"

"By being a crackerjack ass sucka, wtf u thinkin?"

In addition, a diverse supplier base also provides ***** with opportunities to lend our strength to growing businesses in some of our most economically-challenged areas. Encouraging entrepreneurship and competitiveness is the best way to make a lasting positive impact on a community.

Because the "diverse supplier base" can only reach out to "economically-challenged" areas? Holy crap, that's business-speak for "now we can exploit nonwhites and women, you know, poor people". Uh, that's pretty jacked up, even for my low standards.

ROFL @ "encouraging entrepreneurship and competitiveness". More like encouraging freebies, handouts and a sense of entitlement.

One last reason that we will continue to actively seek out diverse suppliers is because it is just plain fair that our vendors reflect the cultural variety of our membership and workforce. We look forward to strengthening our relations with current MWBEs and forging new partnerships with emerging competitive enterprises.

Funny, I woulda thought it was "just plain fair" to select vendors based on what they can bring to your business, rather than their gender or skin color. Maybe I'm just old fashioned though.

Cordially,

An Asshole


Totally mindboggling.

On a lighter note, I recently ended my streak of binge drinking at like 14 nights. Of course that was on Tuesday, and today is Friday, so I'm sure by now I'm 2 or 3 days back in again.

I played some sweet vids this past Monday, and I'm probably gonna do it again. That COD: Black Ops game is sweet as fo. I kept trying to shoot my buddy, but he turned friendly fire off. Pussy.

He's reading this, thinking, "I'm going to blast that dickhead next time he comes over".

I'm reading this, thinking, "heck yeah you are bro, heck yeah you are".

My wife is reading this, thinking, "my husband is retarded".

Our little orange kitty is not reading this, thinking, "omg why i so cute rofl?!"

2 comments:

ChadLark said...

Typical honkey thinks he's got all the answers.

Shawtyneedabeer said...

I don't know HYM...because I truly believe in my heart that watermelon tossing has improved 5,000% because Mexicans do it. Just sayin.