Monday, December 20, 2010

don't ask, do tell

Don't really have anything "creative" or "funny" about this, just wanted to make a hilarious play on the DADT insanity that's infiltrating the news.

Well since we're here, why don't I just go ahead and cover the topic.

I don't know, I've never been to war before. So maybe I'm not the best person to comment on DADT. Also, I've never been, and will probably never be gay. I mean, I've definitely experimented a lot, many times, and will continue to experiment.

Many would say that the level of my experimenting, combined with the intensity, would make me gay. But I know deep down in my heart that I'm not gay. Anyway, this blog isn't about me; you're not asking, and I'm not telling.

Like, what really goes on during war?

Is it just chillin' in the foxhole, smokin' cigarettes, taking enemy fire, thinking, "dude next to me is gay omg". I can't imagine that thought ever crossing my mind. If you're anything like me, and for your sake let's hope you are, you'll be thinking, "holy shit I don't want to die", rather than worrying about fellow soldiers gettin' down with dudes.

The more that I think about it, if I were a soldier, I'd want all the dudes around me to be gay. Think about it; when soldiers aren't on duty, they go out and party. I'd much rather be out with a bunch of dudes that aren't interested in blasting chicks, than a bunch of dudes all scammin' on the same slores. Less competition, bros, think about it.

And you know what else? Broads dig dudes in uniform. You're out with your unit (with your unit just hangin' out, floppin' around), and the bitches are hittin' on all your bros, only to be turned away, and pointed in your direction.

Sounds horrible.

No but seriously, I think we can assume that the people that don't want homosexuals to serve in the military are retarded/don't like gays, right? Then my question is, if you don't like them, why wouldn't you want them to be shipped off to war, to get killed. Sounds kinda backwards to me.

Homophobes are homophags.

Anyway, not to get all political here, it's Monday, most of us have a shortened week due to the holidays, the last thing we wanna do is get all riled up over some politics. So let's all get riled up over something else.

Let's focus on the main segments of people that are actually destroying the moral fabric of our society: homeless people and elves. These are the people we should single out.

Why anyone would choose to be homeless is beyond me. What is so attractive about not having the means to do anything, except turd everybody else's lives up? I hate that when you see some idiot just standing there, bein' all homeless and stuff. Like, really? Are you nuts dude? Why you so poor? Go get a job, and work, and not be homeless. Maybe go to the gym once in a while too. Oh wait, you did go to Gainesville Gym, used the bathroom to shower, got caught by the owner, and thrown out lol.

Elves don't get to choose whether or not they are elves. They do get to choose whether or not they wear the pointy shoes, and whether they adorn themselves with little bells. When's the last time you've met an elf that you like? Sure, you've seen the movie, Elf, starring Will Ferrel, and it was really funny, but that's just a sensationalized, churched up version of real-life elf-living. Elves, you're a step above homeless people, but only because you have a home. And it's a baby step too. Screw you, elves.

1 comment:

TebowisNOTgay said...

You know what would be appropriate here? An ice cream truck.